hope7

@wcsdancer2010 Thank you, you are probably right it's a blessing although right now it just hurts and I just want him to contact me. I really liked him and it was probably a little one sided on my end and aside from the herpes I seem to have a bit of problem when I feel I've been abandoned. But I'm trying my best to stay strong and I thought I might look into some meditation to also help me cope. I'm grateful I found this site and I appreciate everyone's kind and positive words. Thank you :)

Well today was the day I was going to tell this guy about my situation. We were supposed to spend the day together and he never contacted me. I tried to message him a few times and no reply. I guess this is the universe saving me from telling him as he obviously isn't worth it if he's already giving me the brush off and I haven't even had the talk. I'm so disappointed :(

I think a lot of guys hide it. I'm pretty sure if I had not brought it up first they never would have said anything. I couldn't do that to someone. Good luck, are you planning on having the talk soon? I actually wrote down what I wanted to say I hope all goes well for me as I'm planning to tell him tomorrow.

I am so sorry, I couldn't not tell someone as hard as it is. I've dated a couple guys that had it years after I had been diagnosed and neither were going to tell me until I brought it up then they said oh yeah I have it too. It's sad that a lot of people do not tell their partners. I was told by my bf when I got it and I was like you in love. Would I do it again, I think I would if the situation was reversed with me and this guy I think I'd take the chance. As much as I'm having problems with telling people lately don't be discouraged. It never used to be like that. I had normal relationships with guys that never had it and never got it. We have to believe that there is the right guy that can handle this minor inconvenience. It's just a matter of finding him. I'm hoping my luck will change. And I wish you all the best and thank you for sharing :)

I can understand from his side I'm afraid this guy will walk but I couldn't live with myself not telling him before hand. I'm just afraid if he's said he wants to be disease free how can I change his mind set. Maybe my talk will fall upon deaf ears. I hope I will be surprised in a good way from his response but right now I just feel so worried. So I'm a little confused your ex had herpes, did you get it from him or do you not have it? Also if he had told you before you had sex do you think you would have stayed or walked away?

How long were you together for and why did he wait until afterwards?

@anna01-Thank you:) I do really like him so I am going to take the chance to tell him I hope he has an open mind but he also said he's spotless and wants to stay that way. So I have that comment on my mind. It's still new I'm not sure how he will react and quite frankly I don't know how I am going to handle it as I don't want to say much and I don't want to come across as its a big deal. Although all I have been doing the past 24 hours is obsessing about it. Of course no one sets out and says I want to meet someone with an STD but this is life, unless you want to live as a hermit in a cave with no human contact ever there will be risks in life. Some you can choose to walk away from and some you have no control over. I feel as I'm going into this talk and that I have to sell him on the idea of herpes not being a big deal and change his mind set. I sure hope I can find the courage to tell him tomorrow and the strength to not be in tears when I do have this conversation. From my knowledge I have never passed it on. I'm curious your boyfriend has it and you don't?

I have had genital herpes for over 20 years. I got it from a boyfriend that I was living with, he told me he had it and I took my chances. Unfortunately I wasn't so lucky and I contracted the virus. The first outbreak was very painful from what I remember and then I didn't get any outbreaks for several years. As time went on I began to experience outbreaks again. Oddly my outbreak was first in the genital area but at some point it moved to the cheek of my butt and now if I do get an outbreak it is there only. I know I'm still contagious in the genital area but it's much more tolerable being on my butt. I have always been honest about my diagnosis and hadn't had anyone reject me. But now within the past 4 years I have had several men reject me and I have had some really bad reactions once I have disclosed my story. Since I've been managing herpes for over 20 yrs I am very aware of my body and I do take the meds to lessen the outbreaks and lower the risk of transmission and to my knowledge I haven't passed it on. I recently met a guy that I really like, it's still very new but it's come to the point where we both want to have sex, we have been intimate but no oral sex and no penetration because I haven't had the talk. I was thinking of telling him today as we were exchanging text messages and it became flirty and because I've been hesitating about sex he wondered why. He then made the comment his only concern is to be clean and free, disease free. I didn't even know how to respond, but it just gave me that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. How am I going to tell this guy that I have herpes? And to make matters worse he came over later in theI have had genital herpes for over 20 years. I got it from a boyfriend that I was living with, he told me he had it and I took my chances. Unfortunately I wasn't so lucky and I contracted the virus. The first outbreak was very painful from what I remember and then I didn't get any outbreaks for several years. As time went on I began to experience outbreaks again. My outbreak was first in the genital area but at some point it moved to the cheek of my butt and now if I do get an outbreak it is there only. I know I'm still contagious in the genital area but it's much more tolerable being on my butt. I have always been honest about my diagnosis and hadn't had anyone reject me. But things have changed within the past 4 years I have had several men reject me and I have had some really bad reactions once I have disclosed my story. Since I've been managing herpes for over 20 yrs I am very aware of my body and I do take the meds to lessen the outbreaks and lower the risk of transmission and to my knowledge I haven't passed it on. So the reason for my post I recently met a guy that I really like, it's still very new but it's come to the point where we both want to have sex. We have been intimate but no oral sex and no penetration because I haven't had the talk. I was thinking of telling him today as we were exchanging text messages and it became flirty and because I've been hesitating about sex he wondered why. He then made the comment his only concern is to be clean and free, disease free. I didn't even know how to respond, but it just gave me that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. How am I going to tell this guy that I have herpes? And to make matters worse he came over later in the day and it got intimate again but no oral sex or penetration. Now I feel horrible as I need to tell him but because of past bad reactions I am completey afraid to tell this guy. I know he has the right to know and I wouldn't not tell him. Friends have told me to walk away now and don't bother with him because he won't be understanding and accepting. But I like this guy and despite my negative thinking I'm hoping that he will be ok with it, but if his comment is he wants to be disease free, how am I going to tell him my little secret and could he be understanding and accepting of my minor skin irritation? I know a lot of people have this virus and are unaware but are still contagious. I think a responsible person that has it, is honest about it takes precautions is a lower risk than having sex with someone that may have it and not know. I'm just not sure how to approach this conversation to a positive, it's not a big deal, it's not a life threatening disease simple talk especially to this guy that is clearly afraid of any diseases. Can anyone relate? And how was the outcome ?