hope24

Hi everyone - First of all, I am so grateful to have a place to reach out to other people who have herpes and share experiences. Thanks to everyone who participates on these boards! I'm 30 and I've have had herpes for 4 years now, and I didn't date at all for three years after diagnosis because I felt so unwanted, isolated, and unattractive that I was sure I'd never be successful in finding someone who accepted this as a part of me. I did a lot of healing and work on myself in that time, and was lucky to have met a guy who made me want to try to date again. That was a successful disclosure - he was understanding and said he would be willing to take the risk. I was relieved that he accepted me, but he turned out to be on a different level emotionally and we weren't very compatible in the end. Anywho, fast forward to the reason I am here today. I have been trying aggressively to meet someone I connected with. After 9 months of online dating and lots of frustration, I finally met someone who I really really liked. He was really sweet and caring, intelligent, fun to be with, responsible, family-oriented - finally, someone in my league who I had chemistry with! Every date we went on, we grew closer and liked each other more and more. After about a month of dating, he had started dropping hints that he wanted to get more intimate, and I knew I had to open up and be honest with him about my hsv2 diagnosis before we could take it any further. So, one night while he was over and we were cuddling I asked him if he could see us really going somewhere, and his response was "definitely". So I told him, and followed all the right protocols for disclosure. I told him that it's actually a really minor issue for me as I have no symptoms, I'm already on medicines to reduce transmission, with the right precautions the likelihood of passing it on is minor but it's possible, and that it's very common with 1 in 5 women having it. I asked him to think about it and do some research on it as well to be educated about it, and to let me know his decision - that it could be a deal breaker for him, or we could have a perfectly healthy, happy relationship and work through it. He said he would think about it and we cuddled and made out for another hour and a half before he left. The next day we texted like normal with kissy faces and flirting, and then the day after he texted me to break it off. It felt totally out of the blue and was a big shock. He said that he really likes me, and as much as he doesn't want it to be an issue, it is. He said that I would find someone better than him and I deserve it. (Gee, thanks.) I am really, truly, very hurt by this. It was only my second time disclosing to someone, and my first time being rejected for my condition. It really sucks that things were going so well, and this was literally the ONLY issue. We connected on every other level, but he couldn't deal with this. I also feel really angry with him for not seeing that I am so worth being with, and this is not that big of an issue when it is SO hard to find a connection the way that we did. I feel like he's stupid for walking away from something that could have been amazing over something so manageable. On the flip side, I understand because I would walk away from having H if I could. But frankly, it makes it easier to get over the pain if I can just call him a big huge jerk. We weren't together very long, but it still really hurts that H was the ONLY reason we aren't together right now. I keep trying to think of all the "less than ideal" things about the relationship, but I can't find many, and that makes it harder to get over the rejection. I really feel like I suffered a loss here. And I realize that I'm going to have such a hard time finding a partner because of H. Now that I'm back to the drawing board with trying to find someone, I worry about my prospects for finding someone with chemistry AND who accepts H as part of me. I feel myself feeling all those feelings from after diagnosis again - feeling dirty, unwanted, isolated, hopeless, like I'm going to be single forever and no one will want to be with me. And at the same time, it just doesn't feel fair that I have to deal with this rejection over something I can't control. I know I'm a really great person, and I don't think I deserve to never have love in my life because of this. I'm just really, really hurt. I am trying to get over this, but after a week of talking to friends, crying, and watching Dirty Dancing, I'm still not hurting any less. Any support, insight, reflections on this dude, or hope for the future would be really helpful. Thanks again to everyone!

This is my first time posting on this board. I am glad that I have somewhere to talk about something that's really private. I have been feeling pretty emotional lately and tired of not being able to cope with these issues, so I think it's time to share my feelings and ask for help. Sorry it's long but I'm going to put it all on the table. I found out that I have genital herpes over a year ago (May 2013). I was in a horrible relationship and shortly after split up with my (now) ex-boyfriend, who gave me the virus. It has been a long time and I am still having struggling with a lot of different emotions: I struggle with self-acceptance. I sometimes feel disgusted with my body when I have an outbreak. I feel like that part of my body isn't as beautiful or valuable (for lack of a better word, not talking money currency here) now that it's been tainted with this virus. I feel a lot of shame and haven't been able to feel sexual at all since I found out I had it. I feel like my worth as a woman and partner has depreciated. I also have a hard time accepting the choices that I made in the past. I knew that my ex had herpes, and we always had protected sex, with the exception of two times. At the time, I was misinformed about the virus and thought that the Valtrex medication he was taking was enough to keep the virus from spreading to me. Not only is that untrue, but he had stopped taking the Valtrex because he had an allergic reaction to it, and didn't tell me. That's how I got it. I often beat myself up for this because I feel like I shouldn't have trusted him, should have taken more precautions to protect myself, maybe even should never have dated him after what a jerk he turned out to be. It's very hard to accept that I knew my partner had it and I didn't do enough to prevent it. I blame myself and put myself down a lot for it because it could have been prevented. I know that it's a cliché issue, but I also worry a lot that I'm not going to find someone who is okay with my having herpes. I worry about rejection a lot. I have always been somewhat insecure about my body to begin with, and this virus definitely adds fire to the flame. I am afraid to actually go for potential interests because I think that "someone as healthy as that smiling guy over there would never risk his health to be with me." I am afraid that having herpes is going to make me settle for partners who aren't as good as I otherwise would feel I deserve. Can anyone relate to these feelings? Does anyone have any suggestions on how to cope with these emotions and worries? How long did it take you to find peace with this virus?

Hey All - This is my first time posting on this board. I am glad that I have somewhere to talk about something that's really private. I have been feeling pretty emotional lately and tired of not being able to cope with these issues, so I think it's time to share my feelings and ask for help. Sorry it's long but I'm going to put it all on the table. I found out that I have genital herpes over a year ago (May 2013). I was in a horrible relationship and shortly after split up with my (now) ex-boyfriend, who gave me the virus. It has been a long time and I am still having struggling with a lot of different emotions: I struggle with self-acceptance. I sometimes feel disgusted with my body when I have an outbreak. I feel like that part of my body isn't as beautiful or valuable (for lack of a better word, not talking money currency here) now that it's been tainted with this virus. I feel a lot of shame and haven't been able to feel sexual at all since I found out I had it. I feel like my worth as a woman and partner has depreciated. I also have a hard time accepting the choices that I made in the past. I knew that my ex had herpes, and we always had protected sex, with the exception of two times. At the time, I was misinformed about the virus and thought that the Valtrex medication he was taking was enough to keep the virus from spreading to me. Not only is that untrue, but he had stopped taking the Valtrex because he had an allergic reaction to it, and didn't tell me. That's how I got it. I often beat myself up for this because I feel like I shouldn't have trusted him, should have taken more precautions to protect myself, maybe even should never have dated him after what a jerk he turned out to be. It's very hard to accept that I knew my partner had it and I didn't do enough to prevent it. I blame myself and put myself down a lot for it because it could have been prevented. I know that it's a cliché issue, but I also worry a lot that I'm not going to find someone who is okay with my having herpes. I worry about rejection a lot. I have always been somewhat insecure about my body to begin with, and this virus definitely adds fire to the flame. I am afraid to actually go for potential interests because I think that "someone as healthy as that smiling guy over there would never risk his health to be with me." I am afraid that having herpes is going to make me settle for partners who aren't as good as I otherwise would feel I deserve. Can anyone relate to these feelings? Does anyone have any suggestions on how to cope with these emotions and worries? How long did it take you to find peace with this virus?