ToniannRicci

He's worth nothing to me. Nothing, he's not even worth the air he breathes in my opinion. It's hard, it's a process, mentally challenging and physically annoying! He took something from me... And replaced it with something horrid ; what little trust I had left

Idk my whole comment won't post. Help someone

Oh I've forgiven him. It's the moving on part . Moving on with him he means. Moving on and having a family and being together part that I'm opposed to. If he had been honest from the get go and I had decided to be with him and I had caught it. I would've been fine simply because this is the man Iove and I know what it was. But you lie to me. Give me the most uncomfortable rash ever! I can't even pee properly dude. I should join the circus with the moves I have to execute just to pee. I can't masterbate which is what relives my stress!!! I can't even wash my vagina how I'm use to washing it because everything burns and itches and hurts

Oh I've forgiven him. It's the moving on part . Moving on with him he means. Moving on and having a family and being together part that I'm opposed to. If he had been honest from the get go and I had decided to be with him and I had caught it. I would've been fine simply because this is the man Iove and I know what it was. But you lie to me. Give me the most uncomfortable rash ever! I can't even pee properly dude. I should join the circus with the moves I have to execute just to pee. I can't masterbate which is what relives my stress!!! I can't even wash my vagina how I'm use to washing it because everything burns and itches and hurts He's worth nothing to me. Nothing, he's not even worth the air he breathes in my opinion. It's hard, it's a process, mentally challenging and physically annoying! He took something from me... And replaced it with something horrid ; what little trust I had left Is forever gone. I've forgiven him, I've accepted this condition. But every time I pee and it burns I wanna set him on fire. How dare he tell me let's get back together when I'm not even the same person anymore and he's not who I thought he was. Not because he has herpes but because he's such a selfish individual he couldn't not think about himself for 5 mins. This has changed my life, how I now have to approach my relationships, how I now have to explain to someone " Oh I have herpes Caz a dirtbag was to concerned with if I would dump him or not to tell me " He's so selfish he set me up for future rejection!! That's not fair ( life isn't fair so why am I bitching right ) it's just not Caz you were scared of being rejected you hurt me ? I'll never do that to a person. Take me as I am or go your way. Herpes and all. If they can't love me knowing I have herpes they aren't the one for me. Or do I have a messed up view of this ?

We spoke. And only because he came to my house and was making a lot I noise at an ungodly hour. At first he said he didn't have it. I was trying to hard to stop myself from hitting him in the mouth for lying. ( I have anger issues ) he admitted it. He had it for four years and only recently found out while he was dating me. But he said he was stressed about sharing it with me and when the Lady at the clinic didn't do the test he was happy because he didn't know how I would've reacted. He didn't want me to be disgusted by him or end it. He also said he didn't have an out break in months, but being stressed about me finding out he thinks triggered one. And that's when I got it I guess. Idk I told him I've accepted it, and I'm learning to live with it but I honestly hope he gets hit by a speeding bus He asked me to forgive him and let's try to move on. I would rather throw acid on my vagina while having an OB

You all have been lovely. I don't think you should leave. Just ignore the nonsense or things you don't agree with. Maybe they are stressed, we are all dealing with the same stuff here at the end of the day. Don't walk away

Oh and incase you are wondering. I still have not told him, still have not spoken to him. He's been calling and texting. I've blocked his number and just cut him out of my life. He's not worth it to me. I have accepted my condition but I'll never forgive him. Can't even look at him without wanting to do serious bodily harm

Well I wish she had been up to date then I would've been able to make a choice. But what is done is done and there is no turning back. I can only move forward from here. The peeing and pouring water at the same time doesn't work for me that well, I have to squat and balance on the bowl. Haha it's kinda funny finding ways to pass water. I find during the day I'm pretty ok, but my issues start at night. That's when it seems most active. It keeps me awake and I get these nasty headaches. I toss and turn all night long or it wakes me up, or I just can't fall asleep. Yea I do now have a different perspective on this than I did before. Still hate it, I've accepted it but it still sucks. And I will try my best to go into H research so no one will ever again have to become an acrobat on the toilet. Once again thank you all, for all your kind words and encouragement. I don't believe I would've accepted this so soon if it wasn't for this site. Still not getting married, still not having babies. Yea, ain't gonna happen. I know the risk and the precautions but yea... Still not gonna take that chance. I love you allllllllllllllllllllllllllllll, Thank youuuuuuuuu. I wish I could hug all of you

Thank you guys so much. I just keep rereading your comments. Taking in everything. The support you've shown me I really do appreciate, I feel very blessed. Seeker, wanna know something funny ? I always wanted to get into herpes research because I felt like no one did enough for people with herpes, and it's about time they had a cure. Isn't it ironic that I'm now one of those people .. Smh. I also wanted to get into HIV research basically for the same reason. With the technology we have people shouldn't be dealing with stuff like this anymore. These diseases should be a thing of the past. But that's just my opinion. I was very angry and hurt. I still am very hurt but you guys have been wonderful in sharing your stories and encouragement. You seem to be living and coping with this very well. I'm so sorry if I offended anyone with anything I said. But I felt like my heart had been ripped right out my chest and then thrown on the ground. I was so angry, I'm starting to cry remembering it all now. Sigh, this is going to be hard. Dancer, thank you, ((HUGS)), that's honestly what I would love now a hug while I cry this all out so I never have to revisit this and it doesn't bother me again. I just need to get over this hump, big hump and I will be ok. I hope. I still haven't told him, I've not called or texted and I have not been returning his calls, he'll get the hint. I wouldn't have abandoned him if he had told me. All I ever ask for is honesty! He could've taken me to the doctor with him and have him explain everything. He should've given me the choice. He shouldn't have decided my fate for me ya know. He went home for a few days I believe to take his meds, maybe he was feeling an outbreak coming on. Idk I can only assume. I'm seeing that it's manageable, just uncomfortable man!!!!! It's sore!! It burns. And omg lastnight it itched and it burned almost alll night long, I couldn't sleep. I'm sorry if that was a bit to TMI. wevegotthis, I'm breathing and keeping that in mind. I'm not fighting it anymore or railing against it, nothing I can do but go back to the doctor and get a script of something. And lord knows I don't want this to get worse cause I'm already stressed even before I got the news. So yea, I'm trying to accept it. I still don't want kids I know the measures that the doctors take to ensure the baby doesn't have it. But what if? Yea that's a chance I can't take. Won't take. No what if with a baby. I don't think I'll ever be able to trust again. And I'm a person who already has trust issues.

Thank you. I really do appreciate it. I've been on here all day and all of your kind words have brought tears to my eyes, very touching. I'm still very hurt and very angry that's not going to pass in a day. I still feel like a leper, like why did this happen to me?! It's painful and itchy and annoying and I want to cry. Panties are my worst enemy right now. Soap also, everything burns. I can't sleep, I have no appetite, my thigh muscles hurt, my head hurts, I'm weak I want to unmeet him, go back in time and turn the other direction when he said Hello. I'm not usually this moany, I bear my grinds like a big girl , but I've been hit for 6. I did ask for the Herpes test when we went to the clinic, but then the lady said that unless you are having an out break you will test negative and he just told me let's not worry about it then. I mean wtf how could I have been so blind ???? I trusted him, I believed in him, I love him, ugh argh!!!!!!!!! Whyyyyyy If I have a baby it could get this, I never want that, EVER!! I feel like my life has ended before it's truly began. I wanted to pursue a career in medicine can I even still be a doctor now? What happens if I go to school and they find out, will they kick me out ? I haven't even told him, I haven't told anyone, I'm the good girl, I'm the one that doesn't run around , I'm the one that goes to the doctor every 6 months even if I'm not sexually active and gets check ups, I'm the one that's always preaching condom use Ironic that i am now one with the STD I'll die with . Skeeker , 15 months dating without sex , we always use condoms He was talking just yesterday about having a baby and getting married, I wasn't ready in any case and now for me that will never be a possibility

Hey. So I am here crying my eyes out and feeling like I am in hell. I just found out that I may have herpes. Went to the doctor last week because of a bacterial infection and my doctor thought it was herpes but when he examined me he said he was wrong. He gave me some antibiotics and they worked well, no more issues. But he suggested i do an epsom salt soak on my vagina. After about 2 days of doing the soak I got blisters that were so annoying. They hurt and they burn when I pee and they itched. But after time they felt like they were getting better. Boy was I wrong. I just decided to go back to the doctor this morning because it felt like they were spreading and I couldn't understand why. I have sensitive skin so I just thought it was the Epsom salts. He confirmed that I have herpes. I feel dirty and disgusting. And I hate him! I mean we went and go tested together but we didn't do the herpes test. Everything else was negative. But I did notice he was trying to avoid having sex with me on two different occasions and he turned off the lights and put his under ware back on right after. I was like " That's odd for a man who is usually always naked" but I thought he was just cold. Stupid me right But I didn't notice anything odd on his penis, or surrounding area, it's a habit I have looking at my parter's privates so anything weird like warts and stuff. We use condoms, sigh, I've been seeing him for 15 months and we just decided to be intimate. I feel like this is my punishment for having sex. I'm very open and honest in my relationships... But who is going to want me and want to be with me when I have a virus that is contagious and in going to die with ?? Omg why??!!! My head hurts, I can't sleep, I haven't slept in more than 24 hrs. I need a something... I can't bring myself to look at him! I HATE HIM I HATE MYSELF. Why wouldn't he tell me ? How do I live like this. I'm just done. I can't do this I really can't