Shinein09

I feel like I've been on such an emotional roller coaster lately. Sometimes I'm okay and I feel like I can be strong and I feel like "if this is something that will make someone walk away from me, then they don't deserve me anyway." But then again sometimes I sit and think and all I can feel is that I will be alone for a greater majority of my life because no one is going to want to be with me. I was NEVER promiscuous, in fact I was celibate for three years- and the first partner I had in all those years was the one that gave me herpes. The first time. The first partner. I feel like I was robbed of a future and I feel like all the years of me waiting on the right person was such a waste. All I wanted was to make sure it was someone I actually cared about and i feel like he didn't care enough about me. I blame him but I also blame myself so much more for not being careful enough. I just feel so sad and alone sometimes and feel like It will take a looong time for somebody to love me.