WhatsInAName

Hi @WSCDancer2010, thanks so much for taking the time to respond. I am realizing more and more that the answers to most of these questions are throughout this forum on other threads. One question on the transmission rate--I see on the handout that it's 4% from female to male…do you know if that is that for HSV-1 or HSV-2 genital? If it's for HSV-2, would it be even lower for HSV-1? I'm really trying to remain positive and put this into the relatively minor perspective I understand rationally it should be in my life. I find this forum really helpful in certain ways, but then I hear stories that scare me, like comments made somewhere by a guy named @CityofAngels about how he liked a woman but not enough to take the risk. Before I got this, I probably would have made the same decision as him about a guy who had it. And then I find myself festering and mulling over the worst-case scenarios. It almost becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. It's also a massive time suck, and of course we all have lives to tend to ;). Is there a way to quantify how most people react? I realize this forum attracts people who are having a hard time understanding and dealing with herpes, as opposed to those who are not having trouble. I appreciate you taking the time to respond and for all you do on here. Happy Thanksgiving, if that's something you celebrate where you live :). A

Hi @KatofSpades, thank you for sharing your positive story. I was recently diagnosed with HSV-1 genital in the last month and have been struggling quite a bit in understanding both the scientific facts around it and also wondering how I'm going to deal with this either in my current sort-of relationship (which I mention in another thread you commented on...) or any future one I hope to have. It is nice to hear positive stories because there seem to be more negative ones than otherwise, though I haven't read through too many threads. At the very least, my mind certainly seems to dwell on the negative ones more. If you mind me asking a couple questions you have probably gotten into elsewhere on here, do you have many outbreaks since you've been diagnosed? Have you used condoms and/or anti-viral medicine with your past partners? Do you know of a case where you transmitted it to one of your partners? Keep us posted on how things progress with this new person. I hope it continues to go well! A

Hi all, so I was recently diagnosed with HSV-1 genital. I have a couple of questions about the transmission rate and the disclosure talk. I had initially thought I contracted it via regular intercourse sex given the symptoms cropped up right after regular sex for the first time with my most recent partner, but now I'm realizing it may have been from another recent oral-sex encounter from either that partner or the only other one I've had recently given I've read genital HSV-1 transmission occurs so rarely through genitals. Anyway, I have it, so now looking forward. I'm confused about the difference between HSV-1 and 2, because my doctor seemed to downplay any difference at all, and yet online literature seems to indicate a big difference. I don't know what to believe. So while I'm also pursuing other doctor advice, I hope some of you knowledgeable, fine people might be able to shed some light on the matter! 1. If <50% of the U.S. population has antibodies for the HSV-1 and tests positive for it, does that mean they're basically--or least in most cases--immune to anything I may transmit to them genitally, and thus makes the disclosure conversation much less weighty than the HSV-2 virus? 2. Somewhat of a similar question--now that I have HSV-1 antibodies in my system, what are the chances someone who already tests positive for HSV-1 antibodies contracts HSV-1 genital from me during intercourse, even if they've never had an outbreak down there? 3. What are the risks* of transmitting HSV-1 from me when a partner is 1) fingering me? 2) giving me oral sex? and 3) intercourse? (*both with and without a condom, if data is available). 4. Is it morally acceptable to not tell a partner that I have HSV-1 genital? Would that be akin to someone who has cold sores not telling someone? I'm not saying I would do this, but it's information I'd like to have nonetheless. I know data on many of these questions don't exist, or at least that's what I've read online. So any personal stories about how you've handled HSV-1 genital would be much appreciated! Best, A

Hey @WCSDancer2010, thanks so much for your response, and to the others too. We got together last night for the first time in a couple weeks (since I told him the test results). He seems like he wants to make it work, and I'm still deciding whether I can do that after he blew me off so harshly. I really appreciate all your advice!

Hello all, I am new to this forum. I was just diagnosed with herpes after having my first, and very severe, outbreak a few weeks ago. My doctor says I was almost certainly infected by my new/most recent partner, who apparently did not know he had herpes. (She says this because my culture test turned out positive for HSV-1 genital and my blood test was negative, meaning it was so new to my body it hadn't gotten into my bloodstream yet). I told him in a non-accusatory way, and he repeatedly said he would be there for me 100% and said we would tackle this together. But then once the test results came back and confirmed my doctor's initial diagnosis, he pulled away, wouldn't answer my calls or texts and was generally completely unresponsive. A few days go by, and I email him to tell him it's over given how much he had hurt me (not because of the herpes, but because of how he treated me). He finally texted me apologizing and saying he'd be there for me, but even after that, he's been mostly MIA and slow to respond to any of my outreach. I know this is a big bad bit of news to find out for himself, and I've been understanding on this, but it still doesn't excuse his behavior. I was already feeling scared and overwhelmed about everything, but knowing my partner and I were going to try to work through it together, I felt a little bit of comfort. We haven't known each other very long--couple of months--but we had gotten relatively serious quickly and he said he was clean before we had (unprotected) sex. Now with him probably gone or at the very least treating me so horribly I should leave him, I'm feeling so much more scared and alone. I'm so nervous at the concept of dating, but I also don't want to try to make things work with my partner merely because he gave me herpes. I haven't even yet started looking at the advice of how to tell someone you have herpes, but I think I need to. Is the conversation significantly different--and less important--if you have HSV-1 genitally? I find that both my OB-GYN and my main doctor do not know much at all and are a bit indifferent to it all. Does anyone have advice about what I should do about my partner? Should I keep trying to make that work? Should I jut give him time to digest the information? Since my doctor told me the test results nearly two weeks ago, I haven't talked to him once since he won't answer my phone calls and won't agree to meet up. I am definitely not the needy type at all, but I think under the circumstances his actions should live up to his words. Any other related advice or thoughts anyone has would be much appreciated. I haven't felt like myself since this happened. It's a new normal I'm not used to yet. Thank you in advance for any advice or thoughts anyone may have to share.