bootox

Hi, first thanks for the answers and sorry for responding so late. no i'm not on anti virals daily and guess i never will cause i'm really afraid of side effects, especially of losing hair, i'm kind of proud of having still all of my hair as a 31 year old male, and i find nothing where it says the hair comes back after stoping the meds. the one thing is i don't have symptoms like tingling and burning, sometimes i have tingling yes but it never get to an outbreak after that, i'm even not sure if this tingling is realy related to herpes, because it happens most of the time when i worry to much about herpes and i have a history of psychosomatic symptoms, so it could be only that and not related to herpes i just dont know :( but better safe than sorry, so i would just act like it would be herpes related. the other thing is that when i look at my glans it never looks normal in my eyes. there are always some spots that seems to be discolored, but it never looks the same for me its just confusing me so much, i guess it could be herpes realted but i see no way to find out, what could a doctor do? it doesnt look like "typical" herpessymptoms, doing a swab which have a high chance of a false negative? would be just waste of my money doing this i guess. i even dont know how i should problably discribe these spots to see for myself if or how it maybe changes, maybe its just how my glans looks like ...maybe .... aaaaahhhh i dont know .... soooo confusing ;( I don't know if u get what i want to say, not so easy to discribe this in english for me. i started journaling but had to stop cause it reminds me so often about this virus and that get me in a bad mood, i want to try it again in near future but before i have to find a way not getting in such a bad mood nearly everytime herpes comes in my mind ... @HikingGirl u are right i want to have more certainty so i can move on with confidence

Hello, Here i am again, now 2,5 years after my diagnosis and my major problem is still that i feel absolutly not in control and confident of my own body. Everytime i look down at my penis i never feel like “ok that looks quite normal everything should be fine“, i just dont know how the skin, the glans should look like if everything fine atm. Not knowing this drives me insane, how should i ever find a girlfriend or have sex again if i never get to be confident enough to say. Unprotected sex or oralsex is also of the table forever if i dont get to be confident about my herpes. I lost nearly all my self confidence because im just to stupid to monitor or journaling my body and i guess 2,5 years in its already late i should've tried in the beginning. I just dont know what to do i feel like i never get to that point where im comfortabel to have sex, hopefully not always protected atleast oral, but i guess aslong im not confident rnough about my herpes and getting my self confidence back there will be no girl who wants to be with me. But i dont see me ever getting there because i dont know how, i went to different dermatologist to ask them about what ivthink looks strange most of the time on my glans, all they could say is that i could be herpes related but nearly impossible to find out, i cannot afford getting a swab everytime. Losing more and more hope to ever be able to get along with my herpes, i feel lost i guess i shoukd just stop to want a girlfriend or sex woukd be way easier :( :(

Already heard of that tip with the lube in condom, but then the condom moves alot don't know if that is so good, and like i said as long as i don't know if that is normal on my glans or herpes related, there will also be oral only with condom and i guess it's not so nice when the condom is moving so much and half of the condom is of the penis and in her mouth, ok she could hold it but then the effekt of using lube inside would be none, i try so hard to think oral even with condom will be good too, but not even 10% as good as without, i'm still very frustrated about that

I would say my biggest problem atm is that even if i would find or be in a realtionship with someone who is negativ, and she would even be ok even without condoms, i would have to dwell on condoms because of the issue with my glans ...

I'm just not patient enough at the moment to do a journal and it would remind me to often i have herpes i guess. i have still some parts on my galns that looks red or different then the rest all the time, how should i ever be able to do something sexually without a barrier if this is not going away, how should i know if this is herpes related? i absolutly don't know how to figure out, if this would be herpes related i guess even sex with condom wouldn't be a good idea. It's driving me crazy, nearly everyday i get into a bad mood cause of this. i'm losing more and more hope at the moment that i will ever be able to have fullfilling sexlife, i still cannot image using condoms for the rest of my life for every sexuall activity and in combination with the problem of not knowing how my glans looks normal, i don't see how i will ever be able to have a realtionship with someone who is negative. But i guess as long as i think like this and be in this mood there will be noone who wants to be in relationship with me.

So it's over one year gone since my diagnosis, it got better since then. But it still drives me crazy when i think about sex, i'm still not near any realtionship but i can't stop wondering about how it will be then(sex). If i find someone who is okay with the risk of giving me unprotected Oralsex, how can i be sure there is absolutly no outbreak at that point? I#m not intune with my body and i never will be. I#m just not able to listen to my body properly, sometimes i feel a tingle or anything else but is this always herpes related, or am i to paranoid? Would i have to wait everytime 10 days before the next sex if i feel just a tingle? Because then i could never have sex again, there is everyday somehting itching or whatever down there and you never know for sure if it's herpes related or not . How should my Glans look like if everything is fine, i still cannot figure that out, i just want to have a "normal appearance" that i can compare to, because i believe when i don't have this compare i could never let anything unprotected happen but that is not what i want to. I want to be able to have Sex(protected) and oral(unprotected), if i have find someone who is ok with that, without being paranoid about every little itch. I hope you get what i'm trying to say, english is still not my first language xD

Now i feel a lot better, i read the hole discussion again and again and it's definetly because of your answers, so first thanks to all of you. But it's still bothering me a lot that i don't know how my glans should look like if everything is fine, it seems to look different everyday, the texture don't know how to desribe this propally, and in my opinion it looks weird everyday at least the left side where i had these really small symptoms before i got my bloodtest done, but i just don't know maybe this is normal, i don't feel anything it's not more sensitive or anything like this, i'm totally confused and i don't know how to find an answer and that is scaring me because i fear that this could be some symptoms. But i guess you can't help me with this, till now only females answered in this discussion

@sanngrior good for him not having this issue, if i don't pull it back i feel nearly nothing with condom, tried it. Why do u use condoms on him for oral? i guess so he doesn't contract your hsv1 genitally? That is a different situation than mine. Oral is really important to me , and don't get me wrong not only recieving also giving, if i also have to use protection while giving her oral because maybe i have not only hsv2 genital but also hsv1 oral omg that would be really terrible :( i guess that i have to accept that sex will never be as good as before, now i'm freaking out again

I was not asymptomatic, before my diagnosis i had some symptoms which lead me to get tested but i didn't have prodomes and only really mild symptoms it was really hard to notice them with my eyes, since my diagnosis i notice nothing but i can't be sure that there really was nothing and that is really disturbing me, how should i ever feel safe again, i will be honest about it to a future girlfriend but i believe then even oralsex sex w out will be of the table forever unless she has it too.

i know you are right, my mum would say " you are thinking about unlayed eggs again!!" and i somehow think if everything else is fine about the relationship i would be really stupid to end this if she doesn't want to stop using condoms but in my mind there always would be the thought that without it would feel sooooo much better, at least for oralsex i would be pleased with that. And i always started slow only had one serious relationship and that only when i was 26 and that is annoying me so mcuh about the herpes, i didn't want to wait so long anymore for a relationship but now i have to because of the herpes.

@wcsdancer sorry i missed your last post, was responding to PositivelyBeautiful s last post. the female condmos would be an option, somehow expensive , would be an issue atm because i'm still a student so i'm not having a lot or nearly enough money :D but i don't expect to get near a relationship till i finished my studies. And yes i tried bigger condoms also other shapes some are just to big i wouldn't feel save with them, best working for me were the condoms with a bigger head part but still some problems left maybe it works better when someone else put them on ;) Another problem with condoms is using them for oralsex because there aren't so many types or sizes of flavoured or dry condoms and normal condoms always have siliconbased lube on them which tastes awful, maybe there is no need for them i hope so but i don't expect it( stupid adage here in germany: hope for the best but expect the worst) But everytime i think about the idea of a blowjob with a condom i feel sad, i want to get somehow rid of that feeling.

hi thanks for your answer, but you are still using antivirals? that is one of my concerns that i don't get them here as suppressive therapie, so i'm not able to use a precaution that would cut down the risk by half. Another thing i'm thinking about is can you get a outbreak without pain, tingling or what ever, everyday i'm wondering is it normal how my glans look likes, i didn't feel any sensations but i'm so clueless and don't find an answer to the questions how it should look like if everythink is fine. I fear there will be no clear answer because the glans looks so different on every man. I get it that i can't assume how someone would react until i talked about it with them and sure i will always be honest but what if time goes on and there is no re-evaluating of options and for example she wouldn't give me oral without a condom, it feels silly to end a raltionship because of this but in the end i don't want to miss out on that for ever and i would assume that for her i'm not worth this minor risk so there wouldn't be a future for this relationship anyway, or am i making a mistkae here? But maybe in the next realtionship it would be the same ... why does this have to be so complicated ...

thank you all for your answers they shedded some light like everyone i have good and bad days, my last post was the result of a couple of bad days in a row. it's not that i believe i'm not worth the risk and i don't think herpes is a deal breaker for a serious relationship but maybe for condomless sex because 10% chance per year for male to female transmission is not a minor risk anymore in my opinion, and here in germany it seems they don't prescribe medication for suppressive therapie only episodic and if i'm not able to recognize outbreaks or prodomes i think it would be higher than 10% and yet i don't know how to handle this monitoring your body without being paranoid and thinking to much about herpes that's really a big problem for me the responsibility of being aware. It's like a paradoxon for me, on the one hand you want to keep the risk as minimal as possible and that would lead to condoms for everythink maybe gloves .... but on the other hand you don't want to lessen the enjoyment of sex and condoms and other precautions defenitly takes away some of the pleasure/fun. I know sex is not the most important thing in a relationship and it's not all about my junk :D but as a male when it comes to sex you feel the most with your junk. But your are right there a far worse things than herpes that can happen in life it's only a annoying skincondition and in the end a future girlfriend and i decide together how cautious we should be. It just seems hard to handle and i don't know how to behave if i'm in a relationship, for example would it be ok for me to bring up the idea of not using condoms anymore, for oral and normal sex, or should i defenitly wait till she brings it up and if not, saying nothing and not complaining about? What if i'm still not aware of my body should i wait thinking about a relationship till i am? Or just doing some extra precaution till i am ? I'm really afraid that i will never be this aware of my body :( @2Legit2Quit how long did u wait until you stopped using condoms for oral with your exhusband? did you said someday it's ok without them or did your exhusband brought up the idea? and yeah sure i would kiss someone wo gets coldsores, never had them, but i just assume to have them because my 2 years younger brother has them since he is 2 years old and nearly everybody has type 1 i think here in germany >90% have it. But you are right in the end it's not that big difference if it is type 1 or 2. @sanngrior i tried so many different condoms, it's not the feeling, sure without is better than with, i have problems putting them on because of my foreskin when i pull it back there is a big bulge of skin and it's hard to get the condom over it, often it hurts and then my erection is gone and i don't want to get circumsized, never ever. It is always a matter of luck putting them on without pain and loosing my erection. Do you use any protection for oral in your past relationships and your current one?

you are absolutly right, there are always risks in life but it feels strange if someone has to take a risk, even if it is really small, only because i want something, if the other wants it also then it should be ok, but atm i don't see why somebody would want to take the risk, and this time i'm not talking only about oralsex, i don't want to have sex with condoms for the rest of my life, sex with condoms is still better than no sex but without is sooooo much better, oralsex even more, and i also have problems with them because of my foreskin but there is no way i will get circumcized, never. I don't think i'm going to obsess about the small risk of oralsex but i'm afraid a future girlfriend would and even more about the "normal" sex, i don't want to limit my sexlife because of this unimportant virus but it seems this isn't in my hands anymore i can only hope to met the right person, but there are only a few success stories of men and only one of them mentioned that they have oralsex and normal sex without condoms, this doesn't fuel my hope. It seems that to much luck is needed to find a person who fits to you and is ok with the herpes in general and then with no condoms ... i feel i have to accept that this will never happen. The main problem is not that it will probably be like that, but why does it make me feel so bad, there are people who can never have sex again because they are disabled or injured and i'm sitting here and feel bad about my condition and that i have to use condoms every or most of the time. If i don't get over it how should i ever find a girlfriend when i'm so upset because of this, that is far away from being attractive. On condoms again, i'm ok with them as birthcontrol but if they are only used because of herpes, if other stds have been rolled out, i don't like the fact that my partner have to be protected from me, i know it's not me but herpes, and i don't feel sexy with this thought and as a male if you have distracting or in this case also bloodusing thoughts like that ... Also that as a male the risk is twice as much just annoys me and sure there are more women who have this, one reason why there aren't so much success stories of men, but i read more, not only here, that women are often more concerned about getting herpes than men, don't make me feel good about being a male with hsv2, ok i have a higher chance of meeting some girl who has it too, but for the h- girls it seems it lessens my chances, for a relationship or a good sexlife, way to much. btw i don't have a driver license :D

Hey, thanks again for answering WCSDancer, not my first post ^^ I know that for HSV2 the risk of transmission to oral is really low, my problem is before my diagnosis I only notice some small sores, had one swab that was negative 2 years ago, for a long time I believed they were not herpes related after the swab, but later I got them a few more times at the same spot but everytime “without prodomes” , so I took a blood test after i already read up a lot about herpes. How can I be sure that there is no chance I’m having an outbreak if I never get prodomes? Don’t know if only closely looking before I engage in oralsex would be enough, even then I’m pretty clueless about how the skin ( I got these sores on my glans) should look like, because it’s not “normal skin”. I know 6 months is not a long time, but I just don’t see how I can ever get “used” to have it or feel in control of it, one problem more is that here in Germany I don’t seem to find a doctor who would prescribe medication for suppressive reasons, which would make it easier for me to relax if I ever will be in a relationship again. I still don’t believe that I find a woman who would be ok with the small risk of unprotected oralsex, I think it is just to much to expect that from somebody and only hoping just seems awkward and helpless. Why can’t I just be ok with the fact that I will never experience this again, would be easier for me than being depressed everytime I think about sex because of one thing out of all the possibiltys of sex. But I just can’t stop worrying about oralsex, why? If I don’t get over it, and be somehow happy again in general and about what I can still safely do sexual, I wouldn’t find a girlfriend anyway. But how do I get there, I don’t know.