USAanon32

@libra thank you for responding. I think what I'm most worried about is that he may have had it already and if he were to test positive, it would be blamed on me. His reaction with a lot of f@#! you included makes me so hurt and terrified of what he may do. Maybe expose me and tell people that I'm a "dirty whore" when I know I'm not. It doesn't help when he lives in amother state and I had to do this over the phone

I made the huge mistake of having sex with someone without disclosing it first. I knew what I was getting into and asked that we used condoms. We did the few times and the last time around we did not use protection and my fear of saying something outweighed my integrity. That was less than a week ago when we had sex, but I disclosed it today. He is furious and it is horrifying me. I have never had sex without disclosing I have it and have only been rejected once. I don't know why I put all that responsibility aside with this guy. I am an emotional wreck, but remain calm while talking to him so that I can be there for anything he asks or says --- even when a lot is harsh. I don't know what to think or feel. I keep having thoughts he is going to sue me or disgrace my name to the world. It has been years since my last outbreak and haven't transmitted to anyone else. I fear that he is going to positive and I'm going to live with the guilt and possible embarrassment for the rest of my life.

So I am just wanting some positive support. Almost 4 years ago I found out from a blood test that I was positive for herpes. I was in shock because the previous year I had been negative for it. Found out that the man I was dating was sleeping around with other women. It took me a long time to get out of a depression and then I met someone. He accepted me and we dated for a year until we both decided that the relationship would not work. I have been packing my time with work and school to forget dating, but now I am wanting to meet someone to be not only a best friend, but a life partner. I am a female in my mid 20s who is told by many (strangers or friends) that I am beautiful. I'm an independent woman who is working towards bettering my career with getting my degree in biochem. I workout constantly and am health conscious, but like to indulge in beer and junk food from time to time. People who know me state that I am a catch and any man would be so lucky to be with me. I have heard from men and women that I am a man's wet dream haha. Friends don't understand why I have been single for a couple years and that I deserve a man, but I laugh at it because the first thing that pops in my mind is no man I do want will accept that I have herpes. It has been such a burden on my dating life. I avoid those who I am interested in because I am saving myself from embarrassment and I don't want to waste their time. Anyways, I started seeing a guy who I had a crush on for months before even talking to him. We have been hitting it off and like to do the same things. We have been on a handful of dates and have hung out more than a couple times a week. I found myself really liking him and getting the same feeling from him too (so I think). I finally told him that I have herpes and to my surprise he was speechless. He said he needed time to think about it, but still wanted to remain friends. I told him to take as much time as he needs and not to keep me hanging. Since I have told him, he texts me like normal, but I am freaking out on my end. I am preparing for him to reject me and want to remain friends then eventually turn into strangers again. I never really took rejection easily and I try to keep positive and understanding, but it hurts me to think that I will never find anyone who would accept me for me. It is really depressing.