Spaquin

@WCSDancer2010 @positivelybeautiful I appreciate all your nsights, especially because they broaden my perspectives on so many different things. I did not mean to minimize the importance of fear of rejection in that way because that was the first feeling that having H triggered on me and I am sure that I will be feeling it again once I am ready to start dating. What I meant is more in the sense that for me I would rather be rejected than put someone else at risk without giving them the opportunity to choose, but I cant judge someone else based on the standards that I have for myself. Everybody handles feelings and situations differently. . Believe it or not your words are assuaging my anger and resentment as they open doors to new perspectives. Thank you! It's time for me to move on and let this go and hope for a better future in the dating world.

Hello everyone! @WCSDancer2010 @Positivelybeautiful @MMissouri First, I wanted to thank you all for responding and for sharing your great advices. I greatly appreciate it. To answer some of your questions, I guess my intention was not to hurt him. As much as he deserves it I am not one to make someone pay for their actions, as I am certain that life itself will take care of that. I guess I just wanted to hear the truth and have him take responsibility of his actions. What bothered me the most was the fact that he continued and will continue to do that same thing to others. I felt that hearing the truth would give me some kind of closure, but all of you are right I can't force someone to be a better person. As much as I try it will be his decision to change for the better, not mine. @ivoryrain my family also warned me about the consequences of a civil law suit and you are right it's not even worth it. On that note, a little update on the story. He took it upon himself to go to my work place in order to talk with me (I ignored his request to meet). He proceeded to admit that he knew that he had it for almost a year and that unlike me he was given the opportunity to choose whether to stay or leave his ex-girlfriend after her disclosure. He apologized and stated that the fear of rejection did not allow him to disclose this information and that shame overpowered him after when I confronted him about it. His lack of support was due to his overwhelming guilt and could not bare all my suffering. I thought hearing this would make me feel better, but it has triggered different emotions and I am trying to process it all. I want to be able to believe him, but it is hard for me to believe that someone would let a petty fear of rejection overpower them and change someone else's life the way he changed mine. He admitted to be a coward, but this goes beyond cowardice. It just seemed that his apologies, even with tears involved, were not sincere at all. Every single one of you is right, healing and peace begin within me, but how do I do it? How do even accept such thing and forgive a person who shows absolutely no remorse nor guilt? I am in so much and often feel lost.

Hello everyone, I am not sure how to start, but I do have to say sharing my story is stepping out of my comfort zone. I feel so vulnerable. However, I am still unsure about many decisions and need some insight from people who have a better understanding of such experience. Hopefully, many of you can provide some helpful advice. I was diagnosed with HSV-2 six month ago and it has been, for a lack of a better word, hell. It all started back in May of 2014 when I met, what I thought, was an amazing man. We met through friends and the physical attraction was immediate. After exchanging numbers, he proceeded to court me through text. A week later we went on a group date. The chemistry was there and so was a strong connection. Probably two weeks into the courting process we were intimate and the day after he proceeded to say that he wished we hadn't engage in any sexual activity. Of course it caught my attention, but after a long conversation about it I just categorized his comments as fear of commitment. Fast forward to three months into the relationship, I begin to notice sores in my genital area. I didn't really made a big deal about it, as Herpes was the last thing on my mind. However, sores just kept appearing and after a weekend of searching through google I self-diagnosed myself with herpes. I went to the urgent care and the Dr. visually diagnosed it and took a swab (it was positive for HSV-2). After leaving the clinic I immediately called my best friend crying and told her everything. My next call was my partner. Lots of thoughts came to mind "he is not going to want me", "was it me?", "was it him" and so on. We went out to lunch and I told him. I was a mess, but his reaction was so good and in retrospect, a little too good. He was very supportive and said that if it was him he had no idea about it and had emphasized that we were going to get through this together. He was going to get tested to confirm he had it. Two weeks later he tells me that he will be going into a parenthood clinic and get tested. It is important that I mention that he had no appointment and he said he didn't need one, this I thought to be strange. Anyways, after he supposedly left the clinic he called me and said his test would be back in two days, to which I replied "are you sure, it usually takes longer than that". Two days later, he supposedly got the results and they were positive. He didn't seem to be affected by the news. It was an uncommon reaction. Throughout this whole time, I was devastated and couldn't get my head around this. He on the other hand seemed nonchalant and as time went by he seemed less and less supportive. When I asked him why he said "we both react to problems differently, this is something that won't kills us" and in many occasion he told me to just get over it. I had two to three more OB during this struggle and while I was crying my eyes out he was out drinking with his friends. Witnessing such attitude towards something so unpleasant really bothered me. Thus, triggering me to believe that he already knew he had it and just didn't tell me. I didn't want anyone else to know, so I relied on him for support and understanding. I got nothing. I felt so alone and scared. This went on for five months. During the fifth month, a morning after spending the night at his place he left to get a haircut and I stayed behind. I began cleaning his apartment. As I picked up a bag to throw away I saw a cream box with a name that was familiar, it was tube cream of Acyclovir. Inside the box was a full tube that had not been use and one that was completely empty (the box had no prescription and it was in Spanish and made in Cuba. NOTE: his ex girlfriend was Cuban) . I began crying as it was clear that his ex girlfriend had been bringing that cream from Cuba while they were dating, which confirmed what I was thinking: he knew about it. When he came back I confronted him and asked him about the cream to which he responded that it was given to him at the clinic and completely denied knowing. I left the conversation at that because I was too afraid to confront him any further. I was afraid he would leave me and I couldn't bare the thought of that. Everything was so shady and he kept acting as if he found out when I did. I felt completely betrayed and was lied through the whole relationship. It was a kind of cynicism that blew my mind. I was in denial about the type of person he was and put a side what he had done. My desire to be with someone overpowered the reality of his actions. My best friend, who was the only one aware of the situation, did not agree of the relationship. Someone who really cared about me would not do that. Into the sixth month of the relationship he, unbeknown to me, decided that things weren't working out. Things ended. After, I felt the need to confirm my doubts. I did some research and it turns out he never went to parenthood clinic to get tested because he already knew he was H+. In turns out you do need an appointment for STD testing and obviously they don't provide medication without prescription, less a medication in spanish. I was heartbroken. A month after our break up they notify me that he was seen being romantically involved with someone else. Here is my current issue. I never really confronted him about this and after knowing that he is probably doing this to another young lady it just triggers anger. I have so much anger and resentment towards him and as much as I do (therapy, exercise, self-help books) it just feels like it increases. I have even contemplated a civil law suit. I decided to send him an email explaining my feelings and simply confronting him. To this point he does not admit it, but does not deny it either and keeps adding nonsensical lies.I shared my intention of a law suit and he responded with more lies, but want to meet and talk about it because he is scared now that a law suit is involved. The people I confided say its not worth to meet with him, but I feel like it will benefit me. They claim I should get over it. I feel that they are unable to really grasp what I am going through since they are all strangers to this whole process. I feel alone in this and I just want to let everything out. Sorry for the long post. Although this post seems more factual than sentimental let me just mention that I am overwhelmed by so many negative feelings about myself and my perspective. Although the people I have confided are supportive I still feel like they don't understand what I am going through. Any advice, should I meet with him??