Jldub

Thanks for all the advice guys! In the future, I definitely plan to disclose my GHSV1 and the potential that I may have OHSV1 before genital or orogenital contact. I will just put it in perspective that pretty much anyone he is with has the same chance of having OHSV1 as I do. I tried messaging him again to see if he could meet up this weekend, but he still hasn't responded. I could text him a huge explanation of everything I guess and hope he reads it, but I think at this point I should just assume he is fine since the chance of me giving him OHSV is slim and all my OHSV tests were negative so I most likely didn't even put him at risk of getting GHSV.. I imagine he'd be contacting me by now if he were showing any symptoms of a primary infection. I definitely learned some major lessons..

Hello everyone, I was diagnosed with genital HSV-1 about 4 months ago. My boyfriend at the time didn't realize he had oral HSV-1, but he did apparently! I got diagnosed after having pretty severe systemic symptoms (nearly obstructive exudative pharyngitis and fevers of 103+ for a week with no improvement after antibiotics- they thought I had strep throat) followed by a mildly painful, small genital lesion. The oral culture was negative for HSV, but the genital lesion was positive and a month later my HSV1 antibody test had turned positive as expected. The doctor said there was no way to be sure that I didnt get oral HSV also, but since the culture was negative and I haven't had an obvious cold sore, that I most likely just have it genitally. I'm taking Vancyclovir daily to reduce the chance of giving it to anyone. I found this website super helpful in coming to terms with it all. I finally reached a place where I was ready to start dating and felt optimistic about/strongly in support of full disclosure upfront. However, I made a huge mistake this weekend and ended up not disclosing to my first partner since the diagnosis. I wasn't planning on going home with this guy since it was our first date, but then I drank too much and let things get carried away. We ended up going down on each other, but didnt actually have sex. I feel absolutely horrible for not telling him beforehand and am so terrified that he might have gotten it from me. I am not quite sure how to go about disclosing after the fact though. I thought it would be best to wait until our next meet up so I could tell him in person. However, I sent him a message after our date but I still haven't heard back from him so I doubt he's interested in a second date.. So do I call and ask him to meet up so I can tell him something important? Do I just tell him over the phone? Text? Email? I know the chance of him a) not already having oral hsv1 and B) getting oral HSV1 from going down on me briefly while I'm taking suppressive therapy and not having an outbreak is pretty slim, but I still feel like I should tell him. Im also nervous that perhaps I do have oral hsv also, even though the culture was negative and I've never had a cold sore, and I'm afraid I could have exposed him to it genitally as well.. My friends with oral and/or genital HSV1 think im just being overly paranoid since it's all very new to me, and they think it's fine to wait to tell him in person.. But I just have this horrible feeling that he's going to get it even though the odds are that he won't.. I can't imagine putting someone through all of that and not having even warned them about the possibility and giving them the chance to decide whether to take the risk.. I feel like the worst person ever for being so irresponsible.. For future reference, do most people with genital hsv1 disclose to oral sex partners even though their risk of getting oral HSV1 is higher from kissing someone with oral HsV1 which is ~80% of the population? Also, how should I handle the small possibility that I may have oral hsv 1 in the future? Should I disclose that before kissing? Before oral sex? Or is that just a risk that most people assume they are taking when they kiss/have oral sex with new people since 80% of the population has oral HSV? None of my friends who know they have oral HsV1 disclose unless they have a cold sore which seems crazy to me.. Is that the norm? Thanks for any advice and sorry for the long post!