prettysure2

Wow! What a difference a year can make. January of 2015 was one of the lowest points of my life. I was in the depths of depression after my self diagnosis (didn't get my official until Feb) but January was the hardest for me... I feel like I owe so much to this site because you guys were here for me when I was at my lowest. The success stories and the constant reminder that i am not alone, I will be ok, that I will get through this, and that life goes on are what kept me going. So I feel like I must come here to pay homage and to testify that things really do get better and hopefully my words will be solace to someone the way so many of your words were to me just a year ago... My life is totally 'normal' right now. There comes many things to worry about in life and herpes is the least of them for me at this point. A year ago I never thought I would see this day! It barely crosses my mind. Only when I have an outbreak do I feel a little bummed and even then I'm like "shit you again? Huhh you are so annoying because I wanted to get laid tonite" and then it's like "FINE I'll wait til next week Huhhhh" lol No really. It's sooo not an issue. I started dating... another thing I thought would take a million years to happen. It was strange at first because I wasn't used to not getting some type physical pretty early on. I was so paranoid. I was afraid to even hug or kiss for fear that things would go too far too fast and I was so terrified of the big 'D' (disclosure). Yeah dating was weird for a bit... but just for a moment... I finally found someone i felt comfortable with and i had my first and so far only disclosure and it went 1000 times better than I expected! (I may share that in a different post) I'm still with him and its not perfect but that has absolutely nothing to do with herpes. Imagine that! At this point my biggest concern is a non selfish one... passing the virus. Sometimes I think nothing of it but then there are times where sex is nerve wrecking (like right after an outbreak). We want to keep him H-. I don't know how I would handle being a giver... but that again is suitable for another post... The only other thing is the comedy-phobia I've developed. lol I now have this fear of watching comedies in mixed company for fear of the dreaded herpes joke. Omg they make me so uncomfortable still! When it comes to funny movies or shows the herpes joke is like an outbreak... you never know when it's going to pop up! .... But I said all this to say that life for the most part is good. I am leaps and bounds from the yucky dark place I was last january. So for those who are new to our community, things can and WILL be normal again. Life now is no different than before, just with minor tweaks... a new normal if you will. So keep fighting the good fight because your life is soooo worth it! Trust me.

Thanks @WCSDancer2010 ! These videos are great. I'm feeling pretty good today and I'm really trying to keep it this way. I am in control! @shocked80 @jessiw I know the feeling. I remember a couple months ago it seemed like everyday I was rushing home to my hand mirror! No outbreak, just trying to 'see' what every twitch was lol Thanks everyone for your thoughts. I'm so grateful for you guys and this site. OMG this site!!! :)

I know I need to try and train my brain. I guess I was just venting and we always find solace in 'hearing' I know how you feel and it will get better... However, also find myself obsessing over disclosure even though I feel like I'm NOWHERE NEAR ready to date yet. I can't even say hi to a guy without thinking about disclosure. But I guess this too will get better with time...

So I'm 1 month post diagnosis (5 months post self diagnosis lol) and I feel like I've progressed leaps and bounds emotionally. It still crosses my mind everyday but I'm far removed from the crying spells and overall depression. I find it very helpful to stay busy so I'm just not thinking about it but these past few days I haven't been so successful. I feel like I'm obsessing!!! I know that there is nothing I can do about this now and I feel like for the most part I have accepted this but I find myself constantly thinking about the what ifs... What if I didn't contact him that day... What if I had been more adamant about protection... What if whatever!!! I know this type of thinking is destructive but I feel like I have no control over it. How do I get my brain to SHUT THE HELL UP?!?!?!

Thank you @WCSDancer2010 I'm really going to try hugging myself asap. You are right. My girls don't deserve this. I'm pulling myself together. I have to for them! I had the tingling about a month after an encounter and pretty much ever since I've had 1 bump after another with maybe a couple weeks in between. The one that I had tested came back negative but I remember reading somewhere that the bump should be tested within a couple of days from first appearance and it was over a week when I got tested Guess I'll wait another 5 months and test again. Until then I'm going to try my best to love and except the 'new' me :) thanks again. I feel better already

Thank you @PositivelyBeautiful and @WCSDancer2010 for the kind words. They really did make me feel better. I'm sooooo grateful for you guys and this site. I'm pretty convinced that I am positive because my prodrome tingles were really prominent. They felt like electric shocks and lasted for a few days each time. I've never been on anti-virals. When I was diagnosed the Dr asked if I wanted a prescription. I really don't want to take meds if I don't have to. She also said she doesn't think I need to retest but I can if I wanted. I had a pretty rough weekend. Usually my kids laughter can get me through anything... but I found myself giving them fake smiles and not really wanting to be bothered so I KNOW I'm in a bad place right now. The stories on this site do make me feel better for a moment but then I come back to my reality and just can't imagine ever feeling comfortable enough with anyone to share such personal info I trust that you all say this will get better... just can't see the forest right now...

I suspected i had 'it' around the holidays because of the tingling but never saw anything. Well a couple of weeks ago a bump appears. It doesnt hurt or itch but I go to my ob gyn to have a culture taken anyway. I also have blood work done since it has been 5 months since my last sexual encounter... well I knew I wasn't crazy. Dr told me today i was Hsv-2 positive IGG 1.8 but the culture came back negative... I thought knowing would be somewhat of a relief, since I already accepted and grieved this the whole month of January, but I still feel a little bummed now... Even though I 'knew' I had it, I guess there was always that glimmer of hope that I was overreacting about the tingles in the back of my thigh and down there. Plus I have yet to see an open sore... I'm trying to find solace in knowing all of my other std blood test were negative but I still can't stop my eyes from leaking. I'm trying to pull it together before I go to work but I think this is going to be a rough day... I guess I'm just here getting this off of my chest but I do have a few questions. Does the 1.8 mean I'm fairly recently exposed? All I've ever seen was 1 bump here or there and they never turn into lesions. How do i know if its herpes or not? Why haven't I had an outbreak? I never physically feel bad so should I skip medication? And lets not even talk about dating right now. It seems totally out of reach at this point smh. I know this is a lot. My head is just swimming right now...

Thank you soooo much @WCSDancer2010 for responding. Im feeling a little better today and I am so grateful for this site. It's very soothing to know that you are not alone in a thing like this. I do have a question though... So if I get another 'pimple', does it have to be an open lesion to get fluid for the swab?

Hi all! I guess I should start by saying im a 33yr old female and my 10yr relationship with the father of my 2 youngest daughters ended In May due to infidelity (a whole lot on his part) among some other things... But I was happy to be single and was soon after eager to get back out in the dating world... or so I thought. It wasn't as easy as I imagined it would be. So things were moving at a snails pace on the dating front but a girl has needs you know! Especially coming from a situation where sex was on tap. Well times were getting hard and since I wasn't ready to be intimate w/some random person I didnt know, I decided to dig up some ghost from hookups past... long story short, I had a not so protected encounter (intercourse) with the father of my oldest daughter in early august (dumb) and then in mid september I had a pretty protected (intercourse yes but protected oral no) fling with with a guy I had been fooling around with off and on during the last year of what I like to call my situationship... Well in late October I got what I thought was the occasional ingrown hair bump that I get from time to time from shaving.... except this one was a little more tender than usual. Still i paid it no mind. In fact, I didn't even look at it and pretty much thought nothing of it until around christmas when I got a 'tingle' in the very same spot!!! well actually it was more like an electric shock. I couldn't wait to get home that day to 'see' what was going on and I've had a mirror up to my who-ha every day ever since! To this day i have yet to see anything. The tingle lasted for a few days and went away... it was then that I knew... see I'm no stranger to tingles because I've had hsv orally for almost 15 yrs now. So needless to say I cried my eyes out pretty much all of January, especially mid month when I got a 'tingle/shock' on the back of my left thigh for a few days. (Mind you the other tingle was on the left panty line) And I don't know if it's my paranoia or what but it seems like I feel SOMETHING every day from pinches to itches to what might be a minor tingles. It's driving me crazy! These past two months have been a rollercoaster. I have some ok days, some bad days, and then some BADDD days where I leave my desk at work and go cry in the bathroom or in my car on lunch break... but I'm very grateful for 2 things(well 4 things actually)... My 3 daughters and THIS site! My girls are what keep me going and give me the strength to fight the good fight everyday. I swear if I didn't have them I don't know where in the world I would be mentally and emotionally right now. I can't and don't even want to imagine... when I'm with them, that's the only time H doesn't cross my mind. But when I'm alone I reach the lowest of lows... So I had my annual ob/gyn visit scheduled this month but had to postpone until next month because of my 'cycle'. I plan on getting blood test to confirm what i already know. I guess my concern now is with me already having hsv orally(not sure which one...was very uneducated back then) this test could potentially tell me nothing! I have yet to see anything down there so how will I know for sure if there is nothing to swab??? Also, I know there is no way for me to tell but I'm totally clueless as to who my giver might be I'm too ashamed to have a discussion with these men. Also, will there ever be a day that H doesn't cross my mind at all???