Rop63

Apologies, I clearly misunderstood that you liked this person. Of course if you are not interested, then by no means do you need to disclose. In the context of this website, I am not quite sure why you asked the question here.

Dear Blue. It makes me sad that you feel you are locked in a prison. If you can, try to see that many of us here who have been living with this for years are very happy folk that have good relationships and sexual encounters. It takes time to get comfortable with it, but as long as you continue to characterize it that way, the longer it will take to you see that it is not. You sound like a lovely person who is doing themselves a disservice. As for the question, if you are thinking to make something up so as not to have sex, why not tell the truth and see where it gets you. Telling them your married may permanently close the door, but telling you have HSV might not - believe it or not!

This!! You have nailed it. Nice job.

Hi julia_l. Thanks for your post and concern. And I can tell you that I don't take his having HPV lightly. It's funny, I know everything there is to know about HSV but virtually nothing about any of the others. Also, if I understand it correctly, he must have the warts cause otherwise, it is not permanent? Hard to really tell. In any event, things have started to die down naturally, so it may not be an issue. Again, thank you for your concern.

Actually we did end of texting more. We will see. I know sometimes rejection is such a knee jerk reaction for some people. To be perfectly honest, I certainly don't want to add more STD's to my plate either.... :)

Just going to add that given time to reflect. I am feeling the burn. Not a flame, but a mild scorch. Who the hell is he to say I am not worth pursuing even with this, shit you have one too!! Oh well, just needed to vent. Tomorrow is another day after all. :)

So this is a good one, or maybe this has happened and I just haven't come across it. Met a nice guy online. Good chatting, fun texting. We decide to meet. The day of the meet, he texts me that he wants me to know he has HPV. I say, ok, I have HSV and don't normally disclose this early but since he did... - still game? He then let's me know that he is depressed enough to have HPV and doesn't want to risk anything else. I am more or less fine with this as we had not even met yet, so we may not have jived anyway. And at first, as I process, I get it, this guy already has one thing - does he need another. And I even thought to myself, do I want to go down that route of chancing a second issue - part of me was all about no, but then I liked him and was having fun communicating with him, so I was willing to at least meet him to see if it was more than just a fun thing. So the funny part is that I feel bad for him that he is depressed about having this thing and the nurturer in me wants to reach out and tell him not to be depressed about having this thing. I want to help him know it's one way of sifting through the people in your life that mean something or may not. But then it's awkward cause he rejected me! Hahaha. I am laughing as I type this. So I can't help this poor guy feel better about the fact that he has an STD cause I have one that he doesn't want to get, cause he already has one and doesn't want two! Life is grand, ain't it.

So sorry to be a pest about this, but I have searched you tube and google for the entirity of this video and just can't find it. I am interested because somewhere around the 23:23 mark, Dr. Leone is just about to start discussing giving HSV1 through oral, and it cuts out to a new topic. I would be very interested in seeing that discussion. Is that available through this website?

Thank you Dancer. At 23:23, he is just about to talk about transmission from HSV1 to genital through oral and it cuts to a new topic. Is the whole video available for viewing? The stat I was quoting @Legit@2Quit is Adrial, saying 50% of new genital cases are from oral. Or did I hear that incorrectly?

Thanks 2Legit2Quit, but I am not talking about kissing. I am talking about me having HSV1 and giving to a guy through oral. I understand that almost 40% of cases of genital herpes for guys is from oral with a person with HSV1. What are the odds,etc. The video cut right out as that discussion began.

I will be very honest and say that I have not once thought about transmitting my HSV1 to a guy through oral. Not one minute. My last 30 years have been about HSV2. I have had HSV1 my whole life and have given many a bj and not thought one moment about it. Obviously I knew well enough not to do that when I had an active sore, but I never realized I could be giving it to someone that way until now. So now I feel like I need to do my homework as I rather like doing that! I watched the video you all provided with the interview with the epidemiologist Dr. Leone. Really great interview and such good information. I really enjoyed it. However, you cut away just as he was addressing the HSV1 giving! Is there any way to see that video? And any links about transmission rates for HSV1 to guys through oral would be so very helpful. I feel like I have the HSV2 stats down and can have that talk, but now I need to consider this new thing. Yes, I know it should not be new, but as I said, I have had it my whole life and because of that have never realized the risk I have been putting people in...

Thank you @2Legit2Quit. I am going to give it my best shot at not worrying, but it is not easy. Your post helps! I am curious though since I have never taken V for an oral OB, does it really significantly reduce the time it is painful? I have 1 and 2 and never get the 2 sores, but still get the 1 sores maybe twice a year, my daughter also has it and if V is really that effective in reducing he time to resolution, I want to get her a scrip to it!

So, I have just started taking V for suppression cause I am getting back in the dating world. This past weekend I had a really nice encounter with a guy that resulted in some lovely oral exchanges and I was very confident that we were all good since I had no signs and was taking V for suppression. So the next day I wake up with what sort of looks like an oral blister (I have 1 and 2), but not the usual. It looks like one a good couple of days into one. I am freaked out about this now cause I could have given this guy it through oral, but I had no clue it was there. So, my question to the folks out there that take V for suppression and have had OB's on it. Are they different? In the absence of the sex part of it, it seems like it just went ten times faster than usual, I woke up with the sensation, then had the chafing, a little blistering and now it's almost gone - 3 days into it - unheard of in my world. This is so great in the grand scheme of things cause it means V can really speed the process and make them last 1/2 or less the time....but I also did not have a clue it was there when I had sex, so I feel I might be more vulnerable to giving it to someone. I have had 1 my whole life and am really in tune when they are coming on, so this was pretty odd.

Thanks to you both for your comments. I appreciate it. This issue now is not so much about rejection, but the realization of what it would mean to give it to someone - even when they know the risk. I just don't want to do that, ever. I know what it is like to have it, I sure don't want to be the one to give to another. And yet, the only way to be certain is to not have sex! Gosh, I am terrified I gave it to him and if I did I will be so sad for both him and me. I am going to try to take your advice legit and calm down. Sadly, it has put a rather large damper on how much fun we had and how glad I was he came back around. Thanks for listening.

Strike the good from my sentence good persons life and replace with a persons life. Even I know this is far from a good vs evil type of thing. Rookie blogger mistake.

Update and just general support for angst needed. So, as many people have experienced it seems, my guy called me and wanted to meet up again. He said right up front, he is really in to me and wants to have what ever we can, but was only ready for heavy petting and oral. Works for me. Last night we have a really nice hang time and some very seriously good oral sex. All good. This am I wake up with the obvious signs on an oral blister. I am HSV1 (all my life) and 2 - cause if you are gonna do, do it all the f-ing way. I am completely freaked out that I now have given this totally cool guy the biz though the oral I gave him. How easy is it to give it to a person with1 through oral sex. I am sort of devastated about this. What is interesting is that since I have started back in on the dating scene, I am taking suppressive V and I think maybe the sore on my lip is much less so because of it, but that made it harder to tell that it was a sore...... I am praying to the karma gods that I did not give this guy anything. This opens a new hole for me as I have been pretty ok with having herpes since I have had it for over 30 years now, but I am just realizing the impact of possibility giving it to someone else no matter what precautions we take. That is a pretty big deal. Oh boy. Here I am, taking the right precautions, being responsible, and still worried about negatively impacting a good persons life. I thought I had this, but i don't.

@wcsdancer2010 Thank you so much for those links, the site is a little hard to navigate to find the information you need, so this is amazing. Take care of you and your family. It is so important to be there for your parents - I can tell you from my experience with a mom with Alzheimer's. It is a strain for sure, but they did it for us for the first 20+ years, they deserve the love and attention we have to give. Best wishes.

To be honest, 2legit2quit, your response wasn't particularly supportive and kind of hurt. My last post was that I was sad and I am. Just because I am interested in casual sex doesn't make me a bad person, but somehow you made me feel that way.

HH - You are right about that. Ugh. It's weighing me down as time to reflect goes on. I am pretty sad about it.

That sounded crass, the not taking it personally thing. I was really talking about those of us in the casual sex realm. I totally understand how it would hurt on a whole other level for the folks that do have deep feelings for the person. So no harm intended.

Totally get that and it's interesting cause I don't see how we can take it personally. In the casual sex realm, I can see that since feelings are not running deep it is not necessarily a risk people will want to take. He was so sweet about it, kept saying how bummed he was that I had it since the lead up was so great. Hilariously, it was very flattering on one level! :) It is going to be tougher on those of us wanting a bit more casual. I imagine my rejection rate will be a smudge higher.

Yep, it hurts. Not gonna lie. I don't really blame him, we were in it for a casual thing, but boy that smarts. What is worse is that this is the first time I have done this in 10 years. Marriage ended then and I was so focused on career and kids, and probably the underlying fear of just this, that I have not dated at all. So he comes around and 2 nights of sessions of serious, and seriously good physicality (everything but the final act) was leading to a 3rd, and the guilt of not telling was too much. He was very sweet about it, all the things others have said, hugged me, thanked for my honesty, was a little dumbstruck too which was funny. Some people have no idea about this. But he is not ready to take the risk. Sigh. I will be fine, I know this. I am an optimist in all things. It just sucks right now. Thanks for having a place I can say this to others that know.