mithrandir

okay, i've never told anyone that i have herpes, mainly because im sure they will think that i am a horrible person, but here goes. i'm a 23 year old and straight male, i've had herpes since shortly after my 18th birthday (hell of a present right??) when i was younger (16-18) i had, for lack of a better word, rampant, unprotected sex with lots and lots and lots of partners, and i never had a problem, when i was 17 i had gotten out of rehab for cocaine and other drugs and i had met a girl who had also just gotten out of rehab for even harder drugs (that im sure she had done some rather unsavory things for) she was quite the nympho and we had sex multiple times every day, sometimes for hours, at this time i was also sleeping with one of my ex-girlfriends, (i was dating neither girl) and she had told me that when we were on the outs that she had hooked up with this guy from new zealand like 4 or 5 times without protection, it was around this time, when i was sleeping with these 2 girls (and occasionally a random girl at a house party or whatnot) that i woke up one morning about a week after my 18th birthday and noticed a couple pimple-like sores on my penis, i had just slept with my ex the night before, i panicked something fierce and went and got it checked out and..confirmed. needless to say i was devastated, i still struggle with it, asking why me? i feel like no one should have to deal with this kind of burden on their mind ALL THE TIME. but i guess i got what i deserved. so ever since then i've used condoms almost religiously for vaginal sex. i've had probably 8 actual "girlfriends" since then, and i never told any of them, none of them asked me, or exhibited signs of an outbreak, although i did date one girl for about a year and a half that complained of "swollen taste buds" and i see her a few months after we broke up and she had a big cold sore on her lip, most likely thanks to me. i just cant bring myself to tell anyone because i feel like they wont want to be with me or think i'm disgusting or something. most recently i have started a relationship with a girl who was formerly a lesbian, she had never had any kind of sex with a man and i'm her first, i have no idea how to tell her without shaking her confidence in men forever. also my two best friends (a girl and a guy who have been dating for about 7 years) stopped having sex, and she confided this in me and told me about feelings she still had for me....needless to say we hooked up a bunch of times and now shes thinking about leaving him, i dont know how to tell her, i love her so much and i really do want to be with her, but i feel like she wont accept it, or she would be mad that i put her at risk by not telling her before we had oral or regular sex. WHAT SHOULD I DO?