red_velvet

Oh I got H right after we started sleeping together. The reason I say I think he gave me it is he checked with the last girl he slept with and she had it. Not 100% for sure, but pretty good indicator. Yeah, I believe he sent the text Bc when we broke up he sent some nasty texts to me that sound like this one sounds. Ya boyfriend, guy I was seeing, whatever he was......apparently I'm so awesome and unforgettable that long after I'm gone he couldn't help but reach out and communicate, lmao. The joker in me wants to send him a text and be like 'aw sweetie I didn't realize how much you missed me until now!

About 3 weeks ago I broke up with my boyfriend. This is the man I believe have me herpes. I haven't spoken with him since breaking up and I just got a text from a new number and he said that he told 19 of my facebook friends that I have it. Including my ex mother in law. I just don't understand how someone could be so vindictive and mean. Funny thing is we only dated for a month and I'm totally over him. Advice from someone about how to process these emotions? When I read that text my heart started pounding Bc it startled me and now I'm just confused and a little anxious. I never once texted or wrote anything to him saying I have herpes, so he can't use that as proof. Funny thing, I thought about it....most of my friends would probably be very supportive so maybe he is doing me a favor by getting that awkward disclosure out of the way haha. Why are people so crazy? We dated for a friggin month and this is what I get?

I've only been on this journey since March 9th. I've told about 6 friends and family, all of whom were close females that I trust. Last night, it came out to a guy that is interested in me. We went back to my place and watched a movie. He started getting touchy feely and I felt myself getting anxious and nauseous. My heart was beating so fast and I couldn't breathe right because here I was, hiding this secret and he had no idea. I said 'we can't, I'm not ready' and he prodded a bit as to why. I couldn't say a word, I was so nervous and so I just started breathing even heavier. He kept trying to guess, what is it? Are you in love with me? (lol) does your stomach hurt? And making little jokes trying to cheer me up. My stomach was in absolute knots, and then it happened. I felt tears start to well up. He leaned over and said, are you crying? He asked me what was wrong, I told him we can't do this. He thought maybe I was still in love with someone that would cause me to change my mood so drastically. Then out of nowhere he asked me, do you have an STD? Wiping away tears I nodded and said ya. I didn't want to say it out loud, what I had. It's a horrible word, I thought. I told him it was the incurable one that's embarassing and everyone makes fun of. "Herpes?" Omg, he just said it. He knows that I HAVE herpes! I felt like the room was going to close in around me. My ears almost hurt from the deafening silence. I expected him to make up an excuse and leave, but he didn't. He then went on and told me that it's really common and it's not a big deal. WTF? Not a big deal????!!?!! I'm over here having a panic attack and he said its not a big deal? Then he told me his last girlfriend has HPV! What is this?! I remember I started taking several deep, deep relaxed breaths. I smiled, and felt so much relieve wash over me. He knew and he didn't leave. In fact, he stayed for a while and talked with me about other everyday things like I was a normal person. And you know what? I am a normal person. I'm crying as I write this, because I knew any guy I told would bolt and yet, the first guy didn't. He rubbed my arm and asked if that was ok, Bc he felt that right now I needed to feel like I was still sexy. I don't know if this will lead to a relationship or not. All I know is I'm still here, processing and reevaluating things for the better. I'm taking better care of my body and trying to accept that I can't change this about myself, but it doesn't have to be anything more than I make it. I didn't think I would ever be able to admit that I have herpes, and in fact, I had a lot of help from this guy prying it out of me. But now that it's out I see that its not a big deal. It's a change, but it's not something that will change me, going forward unless it's in a positive direction. I survived!!

I'm 30, just got diagnosed and now I'm not the same. I know on the outside no one knows what I have bc I put on a brave face. It's so hard to go thru this and not be able to talk to people for fear of judgment. I know it's not going to kill me, but it feels like such a burden at times. I just wish we could all talk to each other face to face. I wish it wasn't so stigmatized. The guy I was dating when I got the news about it, upon me breaking up with him (for unrelated issues) told me in anger that I deserved herpes so I would learn not to sleep with every guy I meet. This hurt Bc it's unfair and untrue. But he was able to use this information against me in such a personal and hurtful way. I'm afraid to tell anyone else after that experience.