cyclist92

@fitgirl I agree. Thank you. I'm going to make both the meds and condoms a necessity for sex to happen. I have to respect myself at some point. Haha. Well i hope transmission hasn't already happened but I guess I'll know eventually. Can't tell you enough how helpful this has been.

Hi guys. @Ihaveittoo1975 @fitgirl @WCSDancer2010 Thanks for all the responses. They have been extremely helpful you have no idea. I think counseling is a very good idea. There is only so much i can tell her and she does need someone outside of the situation. I guess a larger part of her story that will explain things is missing... when she was diagnosed it was a situation where she didn't know she had it and gave it to someone else unknowingly. But to add to that there were rumors going around about her purposefully spreading it, in a semi-large close knit community that she was in. I imagine most people get diagnosed and it's a somewhat personal thing. Or at least between two people. So getting diagnosed and then everyone else you are kind of acquainted with and tons of other people you don't even know are right there with you. Talking about you. You don't know who knows and who doesn't and what they may already think about you before they know you. It seems pretty traumatic especially at a young age. At least it's really affected her. She felt like she couldn't leave the place she lived, ya know, go out of the house, out of fear. At this point we rarely do have sex.. which really isn't a big deal. I'm not in this to simply have sex. But every time sex is proposed by myself or sometimes her, i bring condoms into the conversation. That's when things go haywire because she thinks I'm afraid of her or getting herpes or whatever. Like @WCSDancer2010 said anything will trip her insecurity and condoms do just that. So we have not used them a few times since her disclosing and I understand that it increases my chances or whatever but what upsets me is that condoms are viewed in a negative way or that I feel guilty for wanting to use one. The real issue is probably that she simply hasn't come to terms with it herself and can't understand that i accept her (like you stated). I know that you guys have already addressed this and thank you. Just thought i would give an update. I'm slowly talking her into some kind of therapy and even telling her secondhand the things that are said on here helps. Sometimes she says things along the lines of wishing she just knew who had it and didn't.. as in that would be an easier way to find someone else to date. She is only saying that i believe because she's upset.. obviously we love each other or why would we both be working this hard to keep it together. Out of curiosity does anyone on here.. females or males.. just not use condoms and things have been fine? As in no transmission to a partner without. I feel guilty even asking this. I know I shouldn't though. It's like the fact that I'm not actively trying to get it or that I'm avoiding getting it if possible makes me feel guilty. idk. The responses are truly helpful in my attempt to understand what she is going through. Anyone who takes time out of there day to do this kind of stuff and answer questions or be here for people you never even see face to face has got to be a good person. So hats off to all of you guys. Thank you so much.

Hi! I'm new to this site and fairly new to herpes in general. I've been coming to this site for a while now and just reading the forum which has been extremely helpful. I think having something like this is such an amazing resource compared to everything else I've found online. i really respect people like WCSDancer2010 and Adrial and everyone else who frequently answers the questions and gives support. I decided to go ahead and make a profile to ask some questions for my own clarity. Responses would be much appreciated.. The start of all this for me was when my girlfriend of about two months at the time, broke down and tells me she has HSV2 and was diagnosed 2 years ago. I have to say that the delivery was really scary because she was crying and it was just really dramatic. We had been having sex.. and to be honest it was a lot of sex. There was no condom use(birth control) but she takes valtrex daily. She said she hadn't told me because she was too scared and was still dealing with it herself. She had been pushing it out of her mind for a while but being with me I suppose forced her to come to terms with it. Anyway my reaction wasn't perfect. I didn't get up and run or anything. I just told her that I understood why she didn't want to tell me although I wasn't stoked that I was put in the situation of not having a choice when she already knew. At that point I knew nothing about herpes other than what most people know.. the media's portrayal, the jokes, that it's for life, etc. So naturally I was really frightened that I could have it. I went and got tested and it came back negative for both types. Our sex life had taken a hit because before I began to learn more about herpes I was clearly worried and she could tell no matter how many times I said it didn't bother me. Which made things worse for her. I began to prove to her that it wasn't an issue for me but that I wanted to start using condoms and I would prefer it that she stayed on the med(Obviously it is her choice). We began having sex again although it's not the same as it was before but things are getting better. Fast forward to now, We have been together for about five months I have taken more recent tests (HSV IgG) and they are still negative, but now she has recently seen a doctor who told her since she has only had one outbreak she might want to consider not taking the meds. After this she began getting upset of my wanting to use a condom. Her reasoning.. "There is such a small risk that you could get it from me but you still want to take every precaution, that makes me feel like I'm dirty or something". I understood that so we began to not use condoms again. Now I'm feeling that i want to use condoms for sure. I understand that framing things like "precaution" and "risk" and so forth isn't comforting but i feel that if she loves me like i love her she wouldn't mind. But i guess all this is just extra interpersonal relationship rambling that is irrelevant to actual questions(maybe it's relevant so I'm typing it) so here are my questions.. 1.) If someone has only had one outbreak their entire lives does that person shed less and have less of a chance of transmitting it? 2.) Are the stats in the handouts truly believable? They are based on the valtrex study? which was admitted to be slightly skewed by using discordant couples who had already been together of a median of two years. So can we really continue using those as accurate percentages of transmission? 3.) What dictates the speed or time needed for a person to develop antibodies to herpes? 4.)Does pubic hair help reduce transmission? 5.)Is there an accurate percentage of couples who never share the infection? (My parents are discordant, my father has herpes btw.. but he doesn't know much about it) 6.)Is it true that viral shedding never decreases with time? 7.)what is the chance of me developing herpes but not noticing? I have read that most show no symptoms and i have also read that actually most do display symptoms but they are so mild they go unrecognized, and I have also read that if the partner with herpes is taking valtrex then it is possible for the person without herpes to more likely become infected with no symptoms if infection occurs. 8.) I've really been comforted by the discordant couples stories and was wondering if there was a place i haven't already found to read more. I think those by far have given me the most hope. 9.) My girlfriend is generally afraid to talk about herpes with me unless I pretty much completely confront her with it which never goes well. How can I find a way to make her more comfortable to talk about it with me. I've tried to get her on the net and other sites but she thinks people that would post things about herpes are idk... not like her?? 10.) Do some people shed less in general? If so what would dictate that? Do some people never pass it regardless of using precautions simply because their viral load is that low? Herpes wouldn't be the end of the world for me and shouldn't be for anyone but I don't fault myself for wanting to know more and wanting to protect myself. I honestly see myself wanting to be with this girl for a very long time if not for the rest of my life so I've already made the decision to take the "risk". I suppose I just want to know more and have those specific questions answered because my doctor doesn't know much about it which I'm sure most people with herpes have experienced. I'm sorry for this lengthy post which I am sure is full of bad grammar and run on sentences. If anyone takes the time to read it and answer i really appreciate you. Also if anything I wrote was offensive or sounds ignorant I apologize ahead of time. THANK YOU