Humour

I felt as if the best way for me to begin exploring this forum was to share my story. Maybe for my own benefit, i don't know. I'm 20 years old and have been dealing with this virus for a year now...I was in a relationship to my first love and despite the abusive and indulgent nature of the relationship, for memory's sake I generally remember only happy times. It was around this time last year that I realized I had herpes. It was hard since I was really alone for the outbreak. I knew my boyfriend at the time got cold sores, but I never did so I was at even more of a loss than so many of us are due to the media portrayal of coldsores-as no big deal. He went down on me which was nothing new, we were staying at his parent's house for winter break. I returned about 2 weeks before he did because of work. It was during this time I was in the most pain. I never got diagnosed since I was hardly able to move around my house, but my only outlet at the time was my mom- who told me she had GH too. I kind of wish she had talked to me about her experience growing up, then maybe I would be more informed! But that is wishful thinking directed at the past which is energy poorly aimed. Anyhow, after boyfriend's return I wasn't 100% but I wasn't showing any more serious symptoms. He did not think it was possible for me to have contradicted herpes from his mouth, when he didn't have a cold sore at the time-he developed one later if I remember correctly, his confusion was that coldsores were even herpes and that he could spread me anything. I accepted his ignorance, since that was a bit of his nature. He only refused to believe it half heartedly, focusing on what he "thinks" despite what I definitely knew. We had an incredibly dramatic breakup, to which I responded hardcore my previos nature. I have always been an avid recreational drug user, indulgent drinker, and seriously promiscuous. I had been sexually active since I was 14 and racked up a considerable amount of partners. My boyfriend had even more serious dependency on substances but overall he was traditional and the first boy to ever say he loved me back. A combination of denial,confusion to my condition, and general not giving a F I had new partners I did not disclose. I know that sounds horrible, but I my boyfriend had established that maybe it WAS something else perhaps a little too deep in my psyche. Nothing came of the sexual encounters, transmission wise. I continued a risky lifestyle which came natural to me, partying really hard. I also began a mini relationship with my best ffriend, more of just fooling around but I just melt when it comes to the ladies. Nothing came of our oral relationship eiether, I never even considered or thought of the consequences. It was around this time I metmy soonto be new boyfriend, the DJ. He was ten years my senior and a super tall, such a babe. His way of taking me out was so darling and oldschool I instantly fell for him. We had mostly protected sex but not always. Into the summer I began showing symptoms. We didn't stop having sex, I was in denial. I innocently pondered what could be wrong, I was so ignorant I think my hope that it was all a nightmare and never really happened. I transmitted. That was a bitter sweet day. Sweet only because of the awesome meal i cooked out of a much too little reparation. Since I have told him that I got it from my ex's mouth...something I mean to revisit with him since I left out all the details. He forgives me and believes having knowing me was worth it. We are still together but now it is December and have been having piggy back breakouts since June. They aren't debilitating but a constant reminder. I have chosen herpes to be a turning point in my lifestyle and my lifestyle choices. Admittedly, sometimes this means being a hermit. Not my favorite thing (but sometimes it is in that anti social, not letting myself feel, kinda way) I quit smoking ciggarettes, hardly drink, and have given up all hard drugs. Seriously weird in my scene.. Hey, I'm a college kid from the city in a hippy town - vices are definitely prevalent! I try to stay positive and I do eat a healthy lysine abundant diet with vitamins and zinc dietary supplement. I have forgiven my parents, who I blamed for our broken family and lack of love nearly all my life. I feel relaxed, I just have this cross to bear but it is getting exhausting! Has anyone else had many recurrent OBs their first year? Is there hope of getting better? Please any support or suggestions are appreciated. Love that there is a site for people who are leaning towards the self empowerment side of things! much love.x