Sunshinelove

Thank you both! I've been doing research since I was diagnosed with it, I guess the stigma I put with it will be half my battle in learning to live with it. I'm hoping as soon as I am done with the physical pain from my first OB I can starting dealing with the emotional and mental part of it and come to terms with it. "You are not the disease, you just have the disease"

I was diagnosed with h a couple days ago and wish I could rush through the stage of feeling like it will control my life and that I am no longer the same person. Both the guy I was with and I said we were both clean, then a couple days later we both experienced our first ob. With us not even knowing who infected who or if we both were carries and just never had symptoms, we can't even go through the anger stage. Its just straight to feeling ashamed, dirty, undesirable, and like my life has changed for the worst. I have been telling myself that after the pain of this first ob is gone I will be more emotionally stable and will be able to process things more clearly. The pain I have is unbearable, I've tried sits baths with Epsom salt and some with baking soda (trying anything that sounds legit when I read it) and that helps temporarily but as soon as I move out of the water the pain is back, it has not decreased at all in the past week. Being as I also have an autoimmune disease, I can only assume how much longer than normal this will take to heal. Peeing hurts (even while soaking), walking hurts, sitting hurts, laying hurts, pants hurt, no pants hurt. There has to be some way to be at least semi comfortable isn't there? I am not one to usually be melodramatic but this has my emotional going in all sorts of circles. I wish the pain would stop and I wish the whole thing would just go away. I don't even want to think about trying to have a relationship in the future at this point because I know the types of negative thoughts that will go along with that. I want to learn to ease the pain and start accepting this change and learn how to live with it..but I'm not sure how to go about doing any of those...please give any advice you may have!! :(