Scaredhopeless

Thank you Sadpanda. having someone know what I feel means so much to me.

I have been remarried for about 14 years. One day I found this spot on the upper part of my butt. Went away fairly quickly. About a few months later happened again. I honestly thought it was from all the sit-ups at the gym and having the matt rub me wrong. Fast forward about 6 months later, found one single spot on my vagina. Went to the doctor and they took a culture and said I had HSV2. I was shocked with disbelief. My husband and I have been completely monogamous. No doubt there at all. Still madly in love. When we found out, he was so amazingly supportive. However, I don't know when or who this came from. My guess is my ex who cheated on me many times through our marriage. Heck it could have been someone I dated long before my ex and I could have spread it to him? I know there's not a real good way to know for sure. I am struggling with the symptoms. Why did it appear on my butt first then move to the vagina? I'd almost rather have that silly little spot on my butt back rather than in my genitals. I struggle with whether or not i am having an OB or not. After the diagnosis, I'm sure stress set in so I had a much larger OB. Since then I've been pretty "raw" or "burning" on the inside of my vagina. And the glands on either side are swollen. I can't tell if it's a rash from H or trauma from the previous OB or one coming or not. It's been pretty constant. Am I going to have this raw red area every day for the first year??? It sure seems like its been this way since I was diagnosed - about 2 1/2 months. I am on suppressive medicine because we aren't sure my husband has it and I want to be mindful and respectful of him. He is getting testing next week. Since my OB, we have not been able to have sex which has been horrible for both of us. We did have sex the day before the one single spot so most likely he does have it. I don't know what products to use to help other than Valtrex. I am taking vitamins etc... but what can I put on it so that it stops burning. I use ice to help stop the H from an OB. I am trying to eat clean, avoid nuts etc, and alcohol and sun. I feel so ashamed that I have this. The stigma on this is that you are a dirty slut but I'm not. I keep wondering why me. I'm scared to tell anyone that I know because of what they will think of me or say. I don't want to always burden my husband with this. I want to also know how I can avoid spreading this to my kids....I hope that I haven't already. Can you kiss your kid on the cheek? Can you share a drink or food? Are you able to cuddle with them? I've been super careful about cleaning everything from towels to toilets to...... you name it. I saw a post about not taking suppressive medicine and letting your body get used to it.... I guess I will know more once my husband finds out if he has it or not. I don't know what to do so anyone out there that would answer my questions, I would be so eternally grateful.