mlnpt

I got herpes almost 2 years ago. My bf told me beforehand that he had it about 3 months in before we had done ANYTHING including kissing, and I really cared about him and I wanted to continue getting to know him better so I wanted to continue. About a month after we were first intimate, I found out I had genital herpes. He was asymptonic and he gave it to me after oral sex. I feel like we could of done things to feel more safe, like he could of gone on Valtrex(he had never had an outbreak so my dr. said he really didn't need to) and I feel so much guilt about it. It ended up being unhealthy relationship and I stayed with him much longer than I should of because I was afraid of having the "talk" with someone new. I have tried to start relationships with two people since him and one he was ok with kissing but seemed to be uncomfortable with anything further(I think I was also nervous for him, feeling the guilt for him if he got herpes). The next guy was putting all the moves on me very early on-wanting to kiss me and go further and I refused all the advances untilI told him, and then I was basically rejected. He complimented me in so many ways beforehand and told me "What's not to like?" Well for him, that was obviously it. He said he wasn't ready to make the "sacrifice". I then quickly explained to him that it shouldn't feel like a "sacrifice". I am on two online dating sites right now that are not herpes related. I feel confident telling someone about it now(those two times I have said it, I was really ashamed and it may have projected a response out of them). I want to tell someone, if I find someone on the site, before I even kiss them because there is always a chance herpes-simplex 2 could also be on the mouth. The simplex 2 part is just a strand. I have had 3 outbreaks on my genitals and never one on my mouth, but I would want to say something just to be sure. I am terrified of being rejected. I am 32 and I feel it's already hard enough to find someone good out there and now I feel like I am really ruining my chances. I feel like you need to know someone very well before you can make a decision of staying with them with herpes(I go back and forth with feeling like it's a big decision. I say that because if you like them, it shouldn't be a problem and you look beyond herpes) and I think telling them before kissing them for the first time may not be long enough. I just go back and forth with being ok with it and saying that is the guy's loss if he doesn't want to be with me and that I am better off to feeling very insecure and as I said before, terrified of the rejection and that no one will want me. I feel guilty for putting myself in this situation. If anyone could give me any advice, I would greatly appreciate it!! Thanks!! mlnpt