vs

@1974 First and foremost, I want to thank you for your words. They have touched me in ways I can never accurately articulate. I am so eternally grateful for your honest reply. Regarding your doctors not making a big deal out of herpes - I think that's because herpes is NOT a big deal. It's just a minor skin condition that most of the world has (many of whom don't even know they have it!) But your nerve problems!. That is a sucky situation. When I was mid-outbreak I was having some bad muscle aches and nerve pain, too, so you aren't alone in that symptom either. However -- you are wrong that there is no hope for research being done. There is LOTS of research going into looking for a cure or a vaccine. But, like with all viruses, it's hard to cure. This virus has been on the planet -- mutating, changing, making it harder to irradicate -- for thousands of years so a cure will take time. But there IS hope on that front so hold onto that. Reading your replies here really helped me feel better about myself because I can see my own thought patterns being reflected back at me in your words. My sister refers to this as when I tell myself false stories. You and I -- we are telling ourselves that we have no support. We are telling ourselves that our communities will reject us, that our lives will be ruined, that we can't be out and raise children, that the world will never accept us. But they're just stories -- and they aren't true. WCSDancer's story is proof of that. They're just false stories. They're the stories you and I are telling ourselves because on some level we allowed ourselves to treat ourselves badly because of the false notion that herpes makes us less than. But it's not true -- your doctors aren't making a big deal out of it so why should we? Because the more we believe these stories, the more real it becomes -- when we believe these stories we perpetuate the stigma we're trying to fight. Honestly? I think if I treated another person with herpes the way I treat myself I would be considered a horrible person. I bet the same can be said for you. Let's start treating ourselves better together. You and I -- lets make a promise to each other that we'll work towards loving ourselves again. I know I let this virus consume me -- I've forgotten who I am, what I love about me, I let it stop me from doing the things I love, from being the person my friends and family adore. And those people still love me, even though I'm not me right now. And I know you have people like that in your life. I will make a promise to you to every day I am going to write an entry in my journal. I'm going to think about a time I felt really good about myself and really proud to be me. And then I'm going to dissect that memory -- why does that memory hold value to me? What does that memory say about me? And use those entries to craft a collection of words that describe me, the me that I'M a fulfilled and glad to be. I hope you try the same. For today: I'm thinking of my college graduation. I felt so proud of myself for completing college in three years -- I am determined and tenacious. I worked multiple jobs while I did it -- I am a hard worker who can't be stopped from achieving her dreams. I got raped my freshman year but finished anyway -- I am a fighter who cannot be kept down. I was so proud of myself for being able to stand up in front of my family -- all my favorite people came -- and smile the biggest, brightest, smile I have ever smiled -- I have a big heart. Right now I'm trying to Remember this when I slip back into the patterns of hating myself -- a heart is not judged by how much you love (yourself) but by how much you are loved by others. To the rest of the responses -- thank you. From the bottom of my heart. Your words, courage, and those links you sent were some of the most helpful pieces of advice I've ever read. @WCSDancer -- I'm ready to come out, too. I am a writer and I think I need to be one of the voices paving the way for acceptance. I would love to get involved with whatever projects you're starting.

I'm sort of in a panic about having to disclose to someone I'm really into. So I've been "practicing" by getting into conversations with people on dating websites and then disclosing to them. For the most part, it's been reassuring to see just how many people out there don't see it as a problem. But then today I got a reply that just -- stabbed me through the chest. It's been running around in my mind for like 12 hours now and it's starting to make me cry. He said, "That's not true. I know you don't have herpes, you don't seem like the kind of girl to have that." I guess I'm having a hard time breaking my own stigmas about what my "mermaid scales" (as I've affectionately started calling it) means to me. What IS the kind of girl to have that? Obviously not a pleasant one being that the guy dipped. Every time I think I'm getting better, I fall apart again. How did you guys finally break that feeling of being less than?

So I got my diagnosis back in January. By the end of August, I was still living in the Denial Phase of the grieving process. That's when I met Lupine. He's been a positive influence on me without even trying; just having him in my life makes me feel more confident in who I am and helped me face some traumas I'd ignored for a long time. He inspires me and I'm so grateful to have met him at all. Honestly, I feel as if I've gained so much already that to ask for anything more is greedy. Everything from here on out is just gravy. Now comes the problem -- I wasn't expecting to like him this much when we first started talking. I was looking for a one night stand. As the Mayor of Denialville, I was desperate enough to get laid that I made the (shitty and irresponsible decision) to post a Craigslist ad for some No-Strings fun without disclosing. We met up and fooled around -- he went down on me and we had sex WITH condoms. But we got to talking afterward. We had a lot in common and there were a lot of REALLY FREAKY coincidences that both of us noticed, giving the whole thing a bit of a "hand-of-fate" feeling. So we ended up screwing again the next day but he lives back and forth between here and another state so I really didn't think anything would come of it. We hung out one more time before he left, but we didn't have sex again; we just, like... snuggled? I was pretty sure it'd be over once he went home. But, not counting that one ten-day period of silence, he started texting me daily. The more he text me, the better I got to know him. And the better I got to know him, the worse I felt. The gravity of what I'd done was starting to come into focus as my feelings for him eclipsed the denial I was buried under. I hate myself for having potentially exposed him to this. He doesn't deserve that -- he deserves so much more, so much more than me, so much more than herpes. I feel so unworthy of him. I beat myself up so much over it that I ended up stressing myself into another outbreak. I figured this was the kind of conversation you had face-to-face so I've put off telling him until his return. He has family here so he'll be back this way soon. It was supposed to be last month, but then something came up and he had to change his plans. Now he doesn't know WHEN he's coming down again. I desperately want to wait until we're face to face to have The Talk. But I'm starting to feel some serious anxiety over how long it's been. Three months is a while. I'm starting to worry that I've waited too long to say something. I'm starting to worry there's no way we can come back from this. So what do you think? Should I wait to have the conversation face to face? Or would text message (our only mode of communication) suffice? Maybe a phone call (even though when I asked if he'd be okay with me calling him sometimes he said he gets no service where he lives, pretty much in the woods)? Since I don't know when he'll be back the clock keeps ticking on how long it's been so I am itchy to get it over with, despite having a gut feeling like it needs to be done in person?