cosmicbuzz8

So it has been a good while since I first posted this, I am happy to say that I (finally!) disclosed to the guy involved in the situation. A good 5 weeks after the fact. I also want thank again all of those who replied with support, I truly appreciate such non-judgmental advice, at a time when I was being terribly judgmental of myself. I can say I have learnt some major lessons during this really really stressful time: • Don't, don't, don't sleep with anyone without telling them you first have herpes, it's not worth the turmoil! • The amount of stress and self loathing that can build up in ourselves in relation to herpes is generally completely removed from the reality of the situation. • Coming to terms with herpes is an ongoing process, and a huge personal growth opportunity. ...And one more I guess... herpes doesn't disappear from life just because it doesn't rear it's head, no matter how much you want it to. The two disclosure stories surrounding this event in my life were very different but also both positively received. The girl in the situation I told a matter of days afterwards, and didn't even flinch when I told her and she just said, well, if it's important for me to tell her then that's what's counts, and that she had no negative feelings about it. Then we went on with our day and had a cup of tea and I relaxed a little! The guy was a different story as I didn't see him as often, and so that waited till we got closer again as I couldn't get the courage to do it before. I struggled and struggled with the need and desire to tell him, and fear and hatred of myself and my 'dilemma' just got worse and worse, it was like a black cloud around me. I have actually been really sick with a flu thing for about 6 weeks. I look at health holistically and really I think it was hanging around until I sorted myself out in my personal life. Anyway, we ended up in a potentially intimate situation and I obviously had to tell him, so I did, and I was nearly shaking and my heart was beating like a rabbit. I had so much shame come up, and said sorry I had acted out of integrity but I have herpes and didn't tell you before. He just held me and said he didn't know much about it, so I gave him the basics and then specifics about HSV1. He smiled and said ha well I have already gone down on you a couple of times, I said sorry again and he shrugged and said 'in the heat of the moment...' and then that was kind of it, he didn't even really care! Then we had sex. So yep, a good end to all that. I have to say, after opening up to him about everything and then actually sleeping with him, the sex was extremely healing to me. I feel like myself again, I'm over my ill health. I now have three of my good friends know about it (including the two in this story). None of my friends have ever known in the past. The stigma is falling away for me, and I'm certainly not handing out the information freely, but I'm learning to come to terms with it. There is a cycle of acceptance that I can identify in my journey with herpes - shock, denial, sadness, anxiety, (more denial), and finally I am experiencing committment to myself and an unconditional love for myself and others around me. More connection with myself and my body. This past month I found the depths/highs to which I can push myself into dangerous stress, all from a completely fabricated illusion based on the worst case scenario I could think of. It showed me the power of my mind, and that I can use this important lesson in all areas and functions in my life. Much love, we are all learning on this journey!

Hi thanks for the valuable comments! I had to come clean with the girl in the situation a couple of days ago as she is a good friend and it was making me feel ill just trying to keep it from her. It was so not even a big deal, or even a small deal, only the stigma I placed on it and non-disclosure made it a deal at all. So, the news from the doc today is hsv1. The doctor was actually rather blase about the whole thing and drove it home that it's common as mud. Hsv1 for me is like this really old friend that I just don't keep in contact with anymore, but still have to visit out of obligation. I am teetering on not even telling the guy in the situation - what do I say now - that I got an antibody test and it showed up hsv1 and I didn't tell you before... Eek!

Hi, first time poster here in a moral crisis. I'm 36 and contracted herpes at the age of 18 from a cold sore from my boyfriend at the time (2nd partner). So I have been living with having it for half of my life. It was a painful experience, but I've never had another outbreak (despite expecting one) since then. One time I was totally convinced I had an outbreak at the age of 23 but it turned out to be thrush. So, to be brutally honest I have been rather careless with it my whole sexual life - never having outbreaks, never having any of my sexual partners contract it (as far as I know), led me to making my partner wear condoms but had no boundaries around oral sex. I slept with plenty of guys . I would rarely disclose, only to those that I was in a relationship with (some not till I had been sleeping with them for ages - unbelievable I know!). As I got older I was more responsible and told my partners before any contact, and they were totally fine with it. But I still felt really disconnected from this virus that has never appeared again. So... Having broken up with the father of my child recently, I have been feeling the anxiety of entering into new relationships in a small town. I am quite flirty and had eyes on many until suddenly I realised "what am I doing? I can't just go and sleep around!" So I have been coming to terms with the virus again and the fact that I have to disclose to these people who are in open relationships. So, I didn't even know what type I have (and still don't - I'm waiting for the results to come back currently). I very recently did the dumbest thing I have ever done, so consciously, thought I'd never do it etc. I let my desire get the better of me and had a threesome with two of my friends, and let him go down on me. And we were all kissing each other, and he was going down on my other friend too. No penetration though. But I didn't disclose. It could have been so easy just to tell them, but I didn't want to get rejected and face two people who I actually really love as friends. My friend prides herself on honesty and openness in relationships, and we all got std testing after the experience, as she's been fooling around a lot all her life. The dumb thing is that morning that it happened, I was hoping to talk to her about what a turmoil I'm in about having this non-appearing herpes and having to tell people. Now I am faced with telling her I put her in danger of contracting this virus off me. I have had a myriad of stories that I have conjured up, like, if they contract it from that one contact with me, I will just lie and say I didn't know I had it (thankfully no stories of this yet!) Or When the tests come back, and my antibodies show up for herpes, I can tell them I have it in my system, and then they can make the choice of whether to sleep with me again. But this doesn't inclide the fact I have actually had an outbreak before. And I've also envisioned actually telling them the truth, and risk cutting myself off from these people that I have just involved myself with in a very casual setting that might not happen again. I am completely Beating myself up about this and experiencing so much anxiety, not to mention feeling so ashamed about my past carelessness.i truly just was a coward at the end of the day. There's a part of me that just doesn't think they would have contracted it, and would have probably exposed themselves to it in the past, knowing their promiscuity. The doctor even told me not to even worry about testing for the type, to just forget about it, as its been 18 years and nearly everyone has been exposed to it. Sorry for the long post. Some reality checking and perspective would be good.