I honestly don't know who gave me herpes. I was molested by my father as a child. I have no idea if I was tested for herpes when I was finally taken away. I was not interested in sex until my senior year of high school. I had sex with two guys that year. After high school, I met the person that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. After being married for about four years, I did experience pain in my genital area. The swelling lasted for a couple of days and then went away. I have no idea if it was herpes. I was 100% faithful in my marriage. I ended up moving to Utah with my husband and he traveled a lot. It caused me major emotional stress. At the end of 2005 I left my husband and went crazy sexually. After my ex-husband, I slept with eight more guys (over a four year period). The last guy I slept with used drugs and was not faithful in our relationship. I decided that it was best if I was tested for all STD's. The testing took place in 2009. The doctor's office called me and told me that I had tested positive for HSV-2. It completely shocked me. I would literally laugh at the herpes commercials on tv where the girl was all happy on the bike. When I saw the commercial on tv, I thought if that was me, I wouldn't be on a bike laughing, I would want my life to be over. Needless to say, that is how I felt. I stayed in that awful relationship for five years because I feel/felt like no one else would want me. After Educating myself on herpes, I learned that it's not as bad as you think. It's really a skin virus. The good thing is, I rarely have an outbreak. If I hadn't tested positive for herpes at the doctors office, I honestly wouldn't know that I had herpes. It looks and feels like an ingrown hair (to me). After testing positive for herpes, I did find out from my boyfriend's son (now ex-boyfriend) that his mom had HSV-1. After doing research, I discovered that HSV-1 can be transmitted to the genitals and becomes HSV-2. If I were to guess, I would assume that my ex-boyfriend was exposed to herpes when his ex-wife had an outbreak on her lip. The sad thing is, I cannot honestly say for sure. I wish that I could have made better decisions with my sex life.I know that herpes isn't bad but a lot of uneducated people on this subject wouldn't agree.
The blessing is that it stopped my sexual activity completely. To many, that wouldn't be a blessing, to stop having sex. I was making very poor decisions when it came to my sex life. There were times when I had a problem saying no. It is now my decision not to let others have to live with this. I am no longer sexually active. Now, I am 34, single, and at times, I feel stuck. The right decision was to get out of the bad relationship and to take care of myself. The thing is, I struggle with herpes on a daily basis. I feel like I live in the days of the scarlet letter, instead of an A, I carry around an H.
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