jg12345

Hi all, I am a 21 year old male, and just found out I have herpes. I have yet to be tested, but am already sure of the results. I am studying abroad, and contracted on my 3rd day in Europe, from a freshman at the school I am studying at. What a start to my trip. As with any unprotected sex, I cannot omit total blame, even though I was blackout drunk and was pressured into a situation that I was uncomfortable with. I am a realist: you reap what you sow. I can honestly say I've had sex less than 25 times in my life. I always figured I would find a nice girl and settle down. None of that changes the fact that my world has been flipped on its head. After experiencing the denial at the formation of a blister, my worst fears were confirmed when I experienced the flu-like symptoms, and didn't eat for several days. I am hopefully nearing the end of this first outbreak. It took all of my courage, and nearly an hour of my trembling hand hovering over the send button to text my mother. I didn't have the strength to call her. She called me and I cried my soul out to her. Luckily, she has been extremely supportive. She is still the only other person who knows. Everyone here can agree: the symptoms aren't shit. It is the anguish, the destruction of dreams and relationships, the constant reminders, and the overall emotional toll that make this curse so terrible. I am choosing to be objective about my situation here. To this point in my life I have been blessed with opportunity. I am entering my senior year at a very well-respected school where I am planning to double major in Computer Science and Math and graduate with honours. I am also in a fraternity at school, and am not sure how that situation will shake out. It seems now that at a point when I should be entering the prime of my life, I have been swept up and taken to hell. Until this point, I have always had an easy time commanding attention in social settings. I'm 6'4 and athletic so it usually isn't too difficult. The past few weeks have been extremely difficult. I had my first experience of meeting an interesting girl when I was out, and being unable/unwanting to pursue even friendship due to the fear of being let down because of my condition. I don't think I will ever pursue a relationship with someone who is not positive, because again (being honest), several weeks ago I would have been the first person to laugh at a herpes joke. I have done so much reading, and so much thinking. I only wish that I will find someone to talk to and share my feelings and emotions. And eventually, I wish so very much, to find someone who shares the same morals, goals of starting and raising a family, and this same disease. Is this possible?