Butterfly211

Thank you all so much for your kind words and support. I've read them over and over to try and grasp onto the reality of actually getting through this. The tears haven't stopped but I'm holding on. You are all so amazing, thank you.

I beat myself up a lot so crying is just an extension of that. I wake up and cry after crying myself to sleep. It's overwhelming. I graduated college not long ago have a great job and my own place but this pain is so SHARP that I'm not able to feel the joy of those things. Those are just things and thinking of a lifetime of fighting stigma, being afraid people will find out, having it thrown in my face (it already has been), it's too much. I wish doctors were more supportive of this my pcp treated it like she diagnosed me with a cold and sent me on my way. I know to her it's trivial but for some of us it's life altering. I told my mom when it happened and though she was supportive she also started spraying the toilet with Lysol after I used it :( I went to a church member for guidance and they just said they'd pray for me...I've done everything I can think of to pull myself out of depression but when the healthcare, family, religion aspects all fail what else can you do? I'm only human and when it feels like this is a crisis that I can never escape... I see my options as drugs, drinking or death. I know that's harsh but again...a human can only take so much suffering before they break.. trust me these past two years I've tried all these options to cope.

Thank you for your comment. I've been seeing a therapist since December but it's just not helping. And I cry everyday now. I feel trapped in the fear and pain..:(

I apologize in advance for the dreary tone of this message. I was diagnosed two years ago and still haven't come to terms with it. Im to the point now where I'm considering suicide over this. The stigma is just too much to bear. And the thought of having to fight that and face this for the rest of my life has caused me to become severely depressed and isolate myself. I've tried therapy but it's almost as if the world says: too bad just deal with it. Why isn't there more being done about this? I'm 24 years old and really can't see a life with this...it just seems easier to just end it :( Please help.