IwillneverforgiveMe

Thanks so much Hiking Girl! Some excellent advice and words of wisdom! Agreed on the Money.... almost insulting to offer. Thanks again, Very much appreciated!!!

Thank you for the reply. I appreciate your comments :-). I'm sure I'm the one who impacted her she had a clean bill of health. The reason I'm taking this so seriously has ever had enough here to realize how much of an impact this has on people especially women and the mental anguish that for some has lingered on for years. The hardest part of this is there's nothing I can really do to right my wrong.

45 year old divorce single father. I did not disclose my HSV2 and infected the love of my life! I'm really confused and having a hard time understanding myself and why I did what I did. About 1 1/2 years ago I had a full panel of tests including STDs. The reason for the STD test was not because of anything was existing... to the best of my knowledge I have never had one before. At the doctors office the Dr. came in with the results of positive for HSV 2. Like any other doctors visit he really didn't spend much time with me because they're only allowed so much time per patient. He said don't feel bad one out but five people have it. And of those people 80% don't know that they have it. He said because I have not had breakouts the risk of passing it on was minimal. He said condoms help minimize spread as well. At the time i was not seeing anyone. Six months ago I met someone and was celibate up to that time. Things developed and with in a few weeks we were intimate. I didn't even think about the HSV2 i had. I think mostly because it was presented to me in such a light manner by my Dr. But that is no excuse. I own what I did! I just wish I had taken more responsibility and did my own research on this in the beginning. Had I known everything I do now I, without any doubt, would handled this the right way... disclosing before intimacy and used preventative measures. Especially learning how horrible this is for women to deal with physically and mentally. I would do anything for this person...I have never cared about anyone more... and the last thing i would ever do would be to cause harm. And yet that is exactly what I have done. I did not disclose my HSV2 and infected her. I hate myself beyond belief!!! This is by far the most horrible thing I have ever done! We have grown so close and share the mutual feeling of being madly in love. Intimacy was not even a very big part of our relationship. We had such a strong bond with everything else. I now must tell this person that I knew I had hsv2 and did not disclose. The hardest part is that there is nothing I can do to provide any remedy. I want to ask for forgiveness and try to explain that I did not mean to harm her... but don't feel I am worthy of even forgiveness and that my explanation is unjustified and insulting. The only thing I feel I can do to provide relief is to give her as much of my financial worth as possible. That may sound crazy to some and maybe not enough to others. But she will have to live with this the rest of her life!!! It's is going to cause her pain and suffering both physically and mentally. I feel the money will help provide relief in other areas of her life. I know once I tell her she will most likely say she never wants to see or hear from me again.... understandably so. I have read about so much "hate" from people who were infected by the one person they love and trusted in. I have not found much of any reads with forgiveness/understanding... which makes sense. What can you do if they will never see or talk to you again? How can you help them cope and live with (h) if you have no access to them? I know I need help myself in coping with what I have done... but my first priority and biggest concern is for her! In closing, I would like to say I wish there was there was as much or more emphasis (from CDC, Physicians, etc.) on the "mental health" side of this virus. I feel it is far more difficult to deal with and poses a bigger threat to our overall well being than the "physical health" side of it. Thank you for this forum.