mwest

The worst day I literally stayed in bed all day long. I woke up maybe three times throughout the day, just long enough to take my antiviral and a couple pain pills, then I went back to sleep. Even laying perfectly still it felt like someone was pressing burning cigarettes against my junk, and I just didn't drink any more than I had to in hopes that I wouldn't have to pee. Thankfully it was better the next day, and better still today. The lidocaine finally works enough to let me walk, and I'm hoping this outbreak is over by next week. I'm so glad the first outbreak is usually the worst by far, because at one point I was seriously considering jumping out my window. I've had surgeries, busted my head open, and have tattoos, so I thought I had a high pain tolerance. But nothing I've ever felt was half as painful as herpes.

I'm having a very severe primary outbreak. I don't know yet whether I have type one or two, but I did get a positive preliminary result for herpes. Not that there was any doubt, given the symptoms. I knew even before I got to the doctor. I have so many ulcers. So many. Just huge clusters of them all over my genitals. Even right on the tip of my head, which makes walking and sitting up straight incredibly difficult. I can't stand to go to the bathroom unless I hold an ice pack on my junk for 10 minutes first to try and numb myself, and it still hurts so much that I usually end up having to pee in the bathtub. I can't leave the house for more than an hour or so in case I have to go to the bathroom. I just don't know what to do. I'm not even thinking about the other awful aspects of HSV, like trying to find a long term partner who won't avoid me like a leper. I'm sure I'll stress about that eventually. Right now I'm just terrified of the thought of having to deal with this pain any longer. The lesions just really started a couple nights ago, but they are rapidly increasing in number and size. I'm on 3g of Valacyclovir a day, but it hasn't made any difference yet. I'm reading different things as far as how long a primary outbreak lasts, but some places say 2-4 weeks! I can't stand this for that long. The only thing I found that gives me some relief is soaking in an Epsom salt bath, then putting aloe vera with lidocaine on the lesions. The malaise and aches are killer too. I live on the 5th floor of a building with no elevator, and I was trembling just trying to go down the stairs this morning. I had to rest on the third floor for a while before I could get all the way back up. I just don't know what to do now.