bennilenni

@HikingGirl Thank you so much for the kind words. Yes I will try to be kind to myself! But it's really hard. I know it doesen't help to think about what I should have done differently, because there is no way to change the past. But I have a long history of doing incredible irresponsible thhings that ultimatly have had huge consequences. I alwas think I have learned, but I just continue to do dumb shit that mess up my life so much each time. I mean, who has sex with somoneone hwo tells you that they have a wound on their genitals without a condom? Not a smart and responible person that cares about her health. I have still yet to confront/talk to the guy that infected me. Do you think I should do that? He is kind of cold, and has never shown that he cares about me in any way. I'm afraid that he will just be like "ok, sorry". I also have social anxiety so that also makes it harder..

(My english is not very good, but hope you still understand!) I haven't told anyone about what has happened to me, and I'm feeling so bad right now. Just need to tell somebody and hopefully get some advice too. So I had my first OB in the beginning of May. It was so painful and I was so scared. I got it from a guy I had been sleeping with (very casual, no feelings) for about 5 months. The last time we slept together he did tell me that he had a little wound on his penis and that we had to use a condom. I feel really embarassed to say this but I don't think I really knew that herpes could be on the genitals and what the symtoms for that was. So didn't think much of it, but we used the condom. The next morning we had sex again and I had forgot about the wound, and we had sex without condoms! I started to feel a little itchy a couple of days later but thougt it was just a yeast infection. I had been dating this other guy for a while (no sex), and we had a new date 3 days after I had sex with the guy with the wound on his penis. On the date we had sex for the first time (oral and vaginal). The next day the iching became worse. Long story short, a week later I was diagnosed with genital herpes. The doctor did not take a swab so I don't know if I have HSV1 or 2, but i suspect type 2 because I think I've had cold sores on my lip. I actually was just happy to get a diagnose and medication at the moment because I was in so much pain. I went on the internet and googled like crazy, and read how common it is (in my country about 20-40% of people between ages 20-40 have HSV2, so it's very common here. One of the reasons I think is that nobody really uses condoms here) , and that many didn't get new OB or very few and mild. This reassured me and I didn't freak out or get really depressed about the situation. But I soon started freaking out if I had given herpes to the guy I was dating. I was too scared to say anything and just hoped for a miracle. But just after my first OB was over I got a text from him asking if I had herpes, either on the lips or the genital, because his doctor thought he had genital herpes. I was devastated. I could't bring me to tell him the truth so I just said that I thougt I might have it on the lips. He wasn't angry or anything, but I know he was really depressed and worried about it. When I had my OB I used valtrex 2 times a day for 10 days. But even though the blisters where gone I still had some iching so I continoued to take 1 valtrex a day for two weeks after that. Since then I still had a little iching on and off but nothing bad. A little over one month ago the iching got worse and I started to take one valtrex per day again. I checked myeself for blisters every day and one day I found one little blister. I took 2 valtrex a day for 5 days. The blister went away, but the iching did not. I continued with the suppressive valtrex but I still had iching and now also pain down my legs. I soon got another OB. This one was worse with many blisters on my butt cheecks. I feel like I'm having symtoms and OB all the time and I can't stop thinking about it. I have trouble eating, sleeping and getting things I have to do done. My anxiety is getting really bad. I'm so scared I will be one of those who has OB all the time. I feel so stupid about having sex with someone who had a wound on his penis, angry about him not telling me had herpes, devastated that I infected the guy I'm dating, and scared about the future.