MLIO

That is probably true. It has definitely affected my depression. I appreciate your comment. But I can't control how someone else will react to me once they know I have it. I honestly can't imagine offering myself to someone and being rejected solely because of it. Also from what I've read there is no way for an uninfected person to protect themselves and that condoms don't fully protect (as I've discovered). So even if a partner is willing to assume the risk, I have be willing to risk passing it on to them. Given what this experience has been like, I don't see how I can ever do that willing partner or not. This has been weighing on my mind tremendously.

Thanks for your support. I can'think of a single person in my life I would dream of telling. I have a follow up appt tomorrow where I will enquire about the meds. My symptoms involved no lesions, just some itching. Honestly unless the symptoms get worse I probably won't bother with the meds as I have no intention of ever risking a potential partner rejecting me because I'm infected. I would be devastated. I can't even handle the thought of it. So no reason to bother with meds to decrease the risk of transmission. For me, that part of my life is over.

Thank you for your kind words. Because of my children, I would never harm myself. Still, the thoughts are intrusive. I have struggled with these thoughts in the past but not for a long time. I have always been careful about partners and always had safe sex when I trusted someone. I've thought about doing online therapy, but it's hard for me to imagine how it would help. it won't change the reality of the situation. That's what i can't get past. Nothing can change it. Nothing can fix it. Nothing can make me uninfected. I hope it gets better. It's hard for me to see how right at this moment.

I am 57 years old, look and act much younger. Have always been outgoing, sexy and vivacious. Not any more. I've never had unprotected sex outside of long term, monogamous relationships. But now I've been diagnosed with herpes 2. Since then I've been in a downward spiral of depression. I have barely left the house for days. I have ADHD and depression. I take medication for both, but managing my depression has always been a challenge. Even before my diagnosis, I noticed that my depression was worse and I was struggling. Now I find out that this apparently is a side effect of having this disease. Depression. And there isn't some special herpes anti-depressant or anyway to post what I already take. I just have to deal now with having more depression. I try to read all these positive things about how "you are not the disease" but the fact of the matter is I HAVE a disease that requires anyone who wants to be intimate with me to protect themselves from being contaminated. True intimacy will never be possible again. Not only that, I can't even tell anyone about it. If I had cancer, people would embrace and support me. And certainly no one would be afraid to touch me. Reading that one solution is to go to website for other people with this disease makes me feel like a leper visiting the leper colony dating site. And really, that's what I am. A sexual leper. If it wasn't for the fact that I have adult children who would be devastated if anything happened to me, I would not be able to go on with this. I already am struggling with suicidal thoughts. Of course, I can't tell my own children what is wrong with me. They know something isn't right, so even if they are suffering because of this. This has literally gutted and crushed me. I cannot see any way out of this depression or any way to make a life that isn't just a pathetic attempt at what used to be a life where every potential relationship has to start with beinf humiliated by revealing that I'm not only contaminated, I cannot guarantee that they won't be no matter WHAT precautions they take to protect themselves from me. I have no hope. Nothing can help. I hate having to get up every day and know that I have this thing, know that I can never even kiss someone without first telling them that I'm diseased. I feel like I've been condemned. I can't do this. I can't.