I have been reading so many posts and appreciate the vulnerability. I have only dated one guy since my divorce and when I found out I had herpes and disclosed to him we were already physical once or twice. He tested and did not have it but he accepted me with love. We have since broken up, and I have started to date and had my first real disclosure. I call it real because I was dating the guy I disclosed to but only touching and cuddling and kissing, no sex. I really liked this guy.
So I told him... I think I delivered confidently. He was very understanding and immediately said let's have sex with condoms. I was excited because I thought he accepted me. The sex was a bit awkward because I could feel his cautiousness and I know how much he likes to give oral sex and did not even attempt. He said the sex was good but I felt we were constrained. Immediately after he left abruptly and pulled away. He stopped texting and was quite cold towards me. I continued to try to contact him via text but he would say he wanted to see me and say he was coming over but would cancel at the last minute. Finally he came over again and I thought we were connecting again and we had sex. But then he disconnected again.
So he texted the last few days and wanted to come over. I have been really sad that we didn't work out and have been hoping that if meant to be he would change his mind. So when he texted I was hopeful. But now I am hurt, it became obvious in the texts that he was interested in sex. I told him that sex with nothing more was not going to work for me. So then he said he wasn't coming over and goodnight.
I am honestly confused. I thought he pulled away because of H. He did say to me that he didn't know if he wanted a girlfriend with H. But why would he be ok with having sex with me. Isn't that the riskiest part? Or is he saying that he can sex a girl with H but she is not worthy enough to be anything more?
My heart is so hurt. I feel lonely and alone. I feel rejected and scared that my good qualities don't outweigh this. Help me. I thought this guy and I were feeling something but he honestly treated me like a second class citizen after finding out.