hourglassgal

Thank you all for such thoughtful responses; they really helped! I gave it some thought and came up with this: It doesn't seem to me that it is the virus itself most people fear (since it is such a non-event), but the possibility of getting it and having to disclose in the future which means facing rejection each in a very visceral way each time you go to have sex. You have to be a very secure person to be able to face another layer of rejection possibility. This guy, in many ways, showed a lot of insecurities and my experience with insecure people is that they eventually try to drag you down with them. I don't have any time for that. Interestingly, it turns out this guy's ex-girlfriend is a friend of a friend and I was able to get some insight that also helped. Apparently, he had a lot of controlling behaviors, and already lied to me about the reason for their breakup. If a man can't be honest about that, and I also hear he's got some control stuff, I'm going to stay away anyway. So, yes, H was my wingwoman!!! Bullet dodged. That's not to say I'm feeling completely confident, but I definitely have some shifting perspectives on this and disclosing. I have to say, though, I'm looking forward to that day when MOST people get that H is not a huge deal (kind of like HPV), and just accept it as a part of being sexually active. That, or the day there is a vaccine... :) Again, thank you for all the support! It means SO much!

I've been HSV2+ for about 3 years now with only one minuscule OB, and am admittedly not great at the disclosure talk. I've had a handful of people be really cool with it, but all of them were people who either are positive as well, or who I didn't really have what I thought was a meaningful connection, so their response didn't seem all that important to me. I met a man two weeks ago and the sparks were flying. We had been on two dates, had started getting physical and we were planning that typical "Cook dinner at my place" date which usually means sex. Not wanting to disclose on that date, and seeing that I was getting rather attached to this guy, I disclosed to him over a facetime chat, and probably did it horribly. I was so completely nervous because I really wanted it to work with this guy. I explained all the facts and how asymptomatic I am. He kept asking how I was doing and seemed sympathetic but also was kinda flat. There were lots of long pauses. He said he wasn't ruling it out but he couldn't say it wasn't a dealbreaker. He asked for time to talk to his doctor and I offered to send him links and research. I gave him space for a day and then sent him one of the resources from this site. The later that evening he texted and said that although he really liked me and was impressed that I disclosed, that he had done internet research and it was a dealbreaker for him. He went on to tell me how great he thinks I am and how sad he is that we don't get to have sex. I didn't respond and deleted his number; I mean what more could I do or say? I get that this isn't about me, but it is SO hard to not take it personally. This was the first guy in a LONG time that I felt not only a connection with, but I thought there was relationship potential. I'm so sad and angry. I know disclosing is really the only way I want to go about life to live an honest life, but this kind of thing makes me feel like never doing it again. (Not to worry, I wouldn't make that choice in actuality) I don't know how to really go on. I'm so discouraged and I feel like I'm going to be alone forever. I wish there was a way to make this feeling stop and to feel more positive and confident about dating. I'd love to hear from any of you out there with thoughts or responses; I could really use some support right now