Hi guys, first time poster here, I have been looking at all your wonderful support, so I thought I would ask for your objective opinions.
So last week I'm pretty sure I had my first OB. It was so mild and that it took me a couple of days to think I might need to head to the doctor, then I could only see her after the weekend. By the time I saw her it had pretty much all cleared up (about 6 days after initial bump) . She took a good look (bless her heart, very thorough!) and I still had to show her where to go. She said she thought it might be H, but given I had zero other symptoms, I was quite atypical, but took a swab anyway. I think we both doubt it's going to back positive, given the healed stage. I live in NZ and the blood tests for H you all refer to are not available, so the only way I am ever going to know is if it comes back and I manage to get to the doctor in time. The doctor believes the virus must have been in my system for a long time given my mild OB.
So here is my issue, I have been married for 9 years and with my husband for 13 years (no cheating on my part, I doubt on his either). If the swab comes back negative, should I tell him?
He's currently overseas on business, and doesn't have clue what I've been going through (many tears and sleepless nights). If the swab is negative, my doctor has recommended that in this instance I should say nothing (and she is all for honesty) and wait until I have an actual diagnosis, that given we've been having unprotected sex for so long, it kind of doesn't matter, he's been exposed anyway. I mean he might actually have the same as me, but if he never has an OB, we won't know.
For so many reasons I understand why she has said not to disclose, the mental distress that H causes, the fact that she actually can't diagnose me, the fact that in all likelihood he was the one who gave me it (he has cold sores) and he'd be gutted about it, and the obvious suspicion that I cheated on him, will all rear their ugly head, all for a "maybe" diagnosis. We can't have blood tests to see if either of us has HSV2 (his will be positive for HSV1), I literally have to wait and see if it comes up again (and I'm praying it doesn't!).
I'm so conflicted, it feels dishonest not to say anything. I am also concerned for his welfare. Given I've probably had it for years, is he anymore at risk now than he was before I had my suspected OB?? (outside of an OB of course). We are trying for a second child too which complicates everything even more. It's like, if it was ANYTHING other than this, I would tell him. It's so hard when we have no blood test option to fall back on. If I tell him we could literally be under a cloud of suspicion for years, and that can eat away at a marriage.
Is a "maybe" a good enough reason to disclose, given the mental anguish it causes? Or is ignorance bliss in this instance?
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