victoriamadison

I’m just sitting here drinking by myself, crying & being pathetic. Going on day 4 of knowing & I don’t see it getting any easier. I worked for twelve hours today, the entire time my first sore rubbed against my panties. I folded up toilet paper to try & ease the chaffing & it worked but every time I had to use the bathroom, the toilet paper stuck to my sore & it hurt like hell to tear off. It was all I could think about all day. Looking at people I work with & thinking, “they have no idea this disaster I’m dealing with” & also wondering, “who else here has it?” I’m just so depressed. I hope I’ll be able to come to grips with this sooner than later.

Hippyherpy good for you for being able to be so accepting of yourself & your diagnosis but don’t tell other people how they should or shouldn’t feel. That’s ridiculous. Finding out I’m going to have these ugly & painful sores on my genitals every so often & my sex lite being affected like this is not “easy” at all right now. Rude

Today is day 3 since I found out I have herpes. While I have not been officially diagnosed & am still waiting on my results from a swab, I am pretty certain that is what I have & the doctor at planned parenthood told me, “that’s what it looks like.” Here is why I am wondering if there is a possibility that it could be something, anything else. Along with extremely wishful thinking. 4 days ago I felt some irritation before bed. I chalked it up to my underwear chaffing my labia. The next morning I looked at my vagina in a mirror & there was a small red patch with two tiny blistery looking bumps on the bottom of my labia. I have had plenty of cold sores so in my heart I knew it was herpes. That was day 2. Day 3, yesterday, there were no longer fluid-filled blisters but the red patch was raised & extremely irritating.. I could feel it when I walked & it was painful to wipe. Day 4, today, the red patch is not raised, there are no blisters, just two red dots that look like tiny cuts. It also isn’t hurtjng anymore unless I put too much pressure while wiping. I guess I am confused because everywhere I’ve read says that my outbreak will last 2-3 weeks, especially with this being my first outbreak. At this rate, I feel like the sore will be gone by the end of the weekend. Have I just gotten lucky with very mild outbreaks? I am also wondering if maybe this isn’t my first outbreak. Over the summer I got this crazy rash all over my body & I was diagnosed with impetigo. It was on my inner thigh, my back, my neck & chin. It was not accompanied by a fever or any body aches. Could it be possible that was my initial outbreak? I also feel like while this definitely looks like herpes, it is nothing near the dozens of pictures I have looked at over the last few days. Very small & very mild compared to all of those. I am very confused!!

It’s been a full 24 hours since I was told “it looks like” I have herpes. That’s what the doctor at planned parenthood told me before she swabbed my sore & send it for testing to be sure. Obviously I’m hoping somehow it comes back negative & this was just the biggest scare of my life & irs ANYTHING ELSE in the world but those are some pretty high hopes. I told my boyfriend, which was honestly the hardest part. I thought he was going to want nothing to do with me right away but he’s been really supportive. He’s sad like I am but it doesn’t seem like he’s planning on leaving me. We don’t know if he has it yet, he assumes he does & while of course I pray for him that he doesn’t, part of me is scared that if his test comes back negative that he will definitely leave. I’m just so angry. I don’t know how long I’ve had it or exactly where it came from even though I have an idea. I just keep thinking “why me” & “why now” because everything in my life has finally come together after a difficult few years & now I get hit with this. I have an a new job that I really like, I ended a toxic relationship a few months ago & moved into my beautiful, brand new apartment. My sons dad & I got back together which I’m so incredibly happy about... & then life throws this at me. I’m being very “woe is me,” I know, but I just want to know what I did to deserve this. I’ve been reading about herpes non stop the past two days, but does anyone have any advice for me? Random facts about herpes or life stories they’d like to share that may help me cope with this? Anything will help right now, especially someone to talk to who knows what I’m going through. Thanks for taking the time to read this.