H_doesNOTdefineYOU

I am a 25 year old female who found out my diagnosis 4 years ago. I know exactly who gave it to me and i was truly in a depression for about 2 years until i finally found someone i wanted to be serious with. Only 4 of my close girlfriends know about this secret of mine but i needed to find a way to tell my now serious boyfriend. This is the first time i was disclosing to a guy who i've been intimate with. If im going to be completely honest here, i did it all wrong the first time i disclosed. I lied and made believe i never knew i had it when i did get tested. I was so scared he was going to leave me if he found out i kept this secret from him for so long ( 1 year ) but i just couldn't do it anymore. My boyfriend at the time did get a little upset but he dealt with it, continued loving me and said he did not care. He still does not know the real truth.. We ended up lasting for about 2 1/2 years but are now broken up for about 9 months because of other issues. But fast forward now to one month ago. I met a guy who was really sweet, we got a long really well, we went out on a few dates, spoke on the phone for hours, he basically told me i was everything he could ever want in a female. I tried to take it as slow as i could but honestly he sort of had me hooked. After 3 weeks and about 6 dates so far, My parents went away for the weekend and he stayed me all weekend. We ended up getting intimate, safely of course. Now i am thinking that things are getting pretty serious.. at least i thought so. about 3 days after that weekend, i decided i just could NOT lie to him. I had to tell him the truth. I was ready to disclose to my second guy. I read an article on snapchat & it was all about having H & how to date & disclose. It was just what i needed to read, so i put on my big girl pants & called him. I told him i had something serious to discuss. I did it all the right way. I didnt say the word "disease". I told him i take medication to reduce transmission, & basically told him to do his research & if he had any questions, to just ask. I was so surprised by his reaction. It was completely something i did not expect. He was so fine with it. He told me i had nothing to embarrassed about and all he wanted to do was come Hug and kkss me. He said he felt even more close to me and couldnt believe i trusted him with that information. I thought he was insane! Lol but i felt so relieved that i was honest and he still wanted me. That was a Wednesday. We spoke all night that night as normal then all day the next day until Friday came and i realized i have not heard from him as much as i usually do. His phone was dead all day because supposedly he "lost" his charger. He finally texted me later on that night that something important came up and he has to call me back which he never did. Saturday came and i texted him just asking if everything was okay & i was just a bit concerned. He responded right away and said everything was fine. We spoke for a few and we had plans for him to sleep over that night since the week before so i asked if plans were still on but he felt "sick" and wasnt up for it. He apologized, said goodnight and that was that. It is now Thursday .. 5 days later and i have not heard one word from him. I called.. texted.. nothing. He went complete GHOST on me. Yesterday i woke up so angry that i sent him a long text basically giving it to him on how he was a coward to pull this shit on me and how shocked and hurt i am from his actions.. he never responded. So now i am back to the way i felt when i first got my diagnosis feeling unwanted, humilated, dirty and depressed. I truly regret telling him. I just wish i never did. I didnt even know him that long ya know? I just feel stupid and dumb and worthless. Did i even do the right thing on telling him? Im sick to my stomach over this. I am still in disbelief. :(

When i read this, i felt like i could of wrote it. I literally just went through the EXACT same situation with a guy last week. But at least you got an explaination. The guy i dosclosed too acted like it didnt bother him at all. He made me feel so relieved and good about teling him. I actually thought he was insane from his carefree reaction lol the next day we were texting like everhthing was fine and then 2 days later he went GHOST on me. I called.. i txted .. nothing. And still one week later.. nothing. It just sucks because i obviously know why but he totally became such a coward and wasnt up fromt with me about it and now im back to 4 years ago when i got my diagnosis feeing unwanted, humilated, dirty and truly depressed.