stressedpanicking

So me and this guy have been having this friends with benefits thing for the last month but its getting a little bit more serious. I have HSV1 but its in the genital area. He's the first person I've been with besides my ex who gave it to me so I have no idea how to tell him and its honestly terrifying because I like him alot and I know its selfish of me but I really don't want to lose what we have. I read the statistics of transmission are really low for HSV 1 from woman to man especially when you're on suppressive therapy which I have been taking. So how Ive been justifying not telling him is me taking these precuations. But since things are getting more serious I feel really awful not telling him and yes i Understand he should have a choice in deciding if he wants to continue things and risk whatever chance it is. i just feel so sad this is what's happened when the way I contracted it is completely not even my fault. Its just really not fair. And now I can't have any normal relationships or normal sex. And its just really frustrating. Idk this whole situation is making me so depressed I literally feel like not living anymore. Like I'd rather him not hate me, and just tell him we should never see each other again, than him remembering me this way. I dont know. Like I feel like I will tell him and I know I should but I just don't know how and how he won't hate me because I'm convinced he's going to hate me forever and never forgive m for hiding this from him for 2 months and the fact that we've been having unprotected sex too.