LostandAlone

@Zen1 Thank you so much. Your words gave me hope. I definitely learned my lesson. No matter how terrified I'll be, I'll disclose ahead of time in future relationships. For now, I'm hopeful things will work out with my current boyfriend :)

@RegularGuy Your advice was well-received. I did my best to be patient, supportive, and understanding without overstepping. I'm so proud to say he tested negative! Things were still a little shaky after his results came back. It was such a tough time for the both of us. We were confused and didn't know where to take the relationship. But I'm extremely grateful he saw past it and wants to keep building a future with me. We're rebuilding the relationship little by little. Slowly easing into it everything and I think we'll be just fine. Thanks again! I truly appreciate it.

@optimist Thank you for the comforting words. We discussed it and he calmed down after the initial shock of possibly contracting it when I showed him all the research. His test came back negative and we both couldn't be happier. We're still together. Will definitely disclose ahead of time in case he and I don't end up together in the future. I don't want to have to go through this ever again. :)

@MakingIT2017 Thank you so much for your response. Definitely a lesson learned! I'm one hell of a lucky girl because he saw past it and decided I'm worth it. He tested negative by the way, and we're taking the precautions to make sure it stays that way.

I guess I’ll just start writing… My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 months. I disclosed to him a week ago that I have HSV2 from an ex. We haven’t been in good terms since. I made a stupid and cowardly mistake. I neglected his health and put him at risk. He feels betrayed and has implied he'll never forgive me if I passed it to him. I haven’t had an outbreak and neither has he. We’ve had unprotected sex and he’s convinced he already has it. He feels dirty and gross. And I told him he isn’t. He didn’t know who to talk to about this, so he called his ex-girlfriend and told her… Maybe it was just the shock that made him act this way? I try not to let the fact that they communicate bother me, but telling her I have H crosses the line. I’m trying to be understanding because he doesn’t have family here, but I feel hurt and betrayed. But I feel that my thoughts and feelings about all of this aren’t important. They're not valid compared to how he must be feeling. Anyway, I’ve just been bawling my eyes out because I was there. When I found out I had it. I felt like no one would ever love me again. And it brings me so much pain, regret, and guilt that I did this to him. And it hurts that the man I love might feel that way about me—that I’m disgusting and gross. Despite the fact that he said he loves me for who I am, that he can’t live without me. He's said all of this prior to my disclosure, but now he says his heart has shifted and I don't know what to do. He feels I manipulated him into loving me so it would make it harder for him to leave. But that’s really not true. He thinks I’m evil and is disgusted by the fact that all the times we had sex, I knew and I never said anything. I really just didn’t know how to bring it up. As careless and irresponsible as that sounds. I admit I was terrified. Most times, I honestly forget cause I haven’t had an outbreak since the first time (2 years ago). I know there is no excuse. If I could do it over, I would have told him before we’d done anything and take the risk of him leaving rather than not give him a choice. I try to be there for him. He doesn’t want it. He’s angry and I feel his resentment. I’ve exhausted all my apologies. All I can offer him is space. I’m also hurting, but I can't talk to him about it because I feel like my pain isn’t justified. If I told him, he’d think I’m playing victim for what I’ve done. If that makes sense, I don’t know how else to explain it. I haven’t talked to anyone about this. I do my best to put my own needs aside so I can focus on his. So he knows that I do care about him and that I do love him. I'm really trying. I want our relationship to get past this and thrive. I want to believe that he's reacting like this because he's in shock and is consumed by the social stigma of H. He's getting his results on Wednesday and I don't know how to handle the situation whether the results are positive or negative. I guess all I really want to know is if there’s anyone out there who’s been through something similar. Do you have any advice? Thank you for reading. I truly appreciate it.