janedoe223

This has been the most painful and numbing experience of my life. I am only 17 years old and I went to the doctor this morning to be diagnosed with herpes. Every time I go to the doctor I research my symptoms and come up with the worst possible thing it could be, cancer, tumor, torn muscles. I was experiencing extreme pain and burning and I had blisters. I didn’t think it could be herpes. i’ve only had oral sex once. The chances were so small. But I used doctor google and found every possible thing it could be. I was going to try to go to a clinic on my own to get tested but the pain was too bad to wait any longer so I had to tell my mom about it. I told her that i thought I had a yeast infection, and I had convinced myself that I did. I thought there was no way I had an sti. This is just like one of those times I thought I had cancer but it was just a hormone imbalance. I convinced myself to not think about the worst outcome. But I was wrong. My mom didn’t know that I had gone that far with my boyfriend. I first tried to deny that I was sexually active but after the doctor did the exam she said it looked a lot like herpes so i had to admit, in front of my mother, that I had done oral sex. I was ashamed. I AM ashamed. She says she still loves me but I can see the disappointment in her eyes every time she looks at me. It has now been 12 hours since my appointment and I have only moved from my bed once, to use the restroom. I don’t know if i’ll ever be able to go into the world again. I don’t know if I even want to. My boyfriend was trying his best to be supportive but we’ve only been dating for a couple months and I had to end it. I can’t even take care of myself, how am I supposed to be in a relationship. I told my best friend and she’s doug her best to help me through this but she doesn’t know what it’s like. I have never been more terrified in my life. All I want to do is change my identity and crawl in a hole somewhere far away. I am numb. I am never getting out of this bed again. I am never going to put myself out there. This is the worst week of my life. Usually when I say that i’m exaggerating, but not this time. I don’t know how to do this.