Just wanted to give my story of my recent-ish disclosure to the person I may have gotten H from.
For some background info, we weren't in a relationship, we more so casually hooking up throughout the last year. Our STI talk at the beginning basically consisted of me asking, "Have you been tested recently?", which of course he said yes. We weren't taking many protective measures aside from birth control, but I assumed I wasn't his only partner and got numerous HIV & GC/CT tests after each hook up and occasionally beforehand. While I probably should have been a bit more cautious, regular condoms wouldn't have fully protected against HSV. So 2 days after our last hook up, I started to have some increased itchiness that progressed over the next few days. There was no sign of anything out of the ordinary those first few days, but I finally had visible lesions (albeit not vesicle or ulcers) appear 5 days after we hooked up. Although I was hoping it wasn't exactly what I thought it was, I was able to see my gyn the next day to obtain swabs for PCR. The PCR was positive for HSV-1, but HSV-2 (-) when I got the results a few days later.
The hook up and I were still talking intermittently in the weeks that followed, so I planned to tell them in person the next time we hung out (and way before the next hook up!). Unfortunately, plans kept falling through till they just stopped replying and I didn't hear from them again. I got caught up with the rest of my daily life and to be honest, I was still coming to terms with the diagnosis, so I didn't jump at the opportunity to disclose right away. Likewise, I was trying to come to terms with being ghosted by this person once again, which is childish, but my feelings were definitely hurt by it.
Fast-forward to a month and a half after the last hook up and subsequent OB, I finally texted them to ask if we could meet up to have a quick conversation about something. They came over and I started with "I tested positive for HSV-1 a few days after our last hook up" and explained the diagnosis as I did above. Although I felt that I had contracted H from them, I did my best to keep the conversation non-accusatory and encouraged them to get the IgG serology done. They initially reacted well, noting that H "isn't really that big of a deal", before following up with, "So do we know where this came from?" and eventually denied ever having a cold sore. I made clear that no, with info we had currently, I couldn't say with certainty where it came from, but did note they were my only partner in the past year. I did my best to keep the conversation matter-of-fact and did a good job of not getting emotional during it. I wrapped the conversation up again with him getting tested, not necessarily for me, but so he knows his own status and if positive, take steps to prevent it from being transmitted to future partners. He did say that I was "cool for actually telling him about it since most people wouldn't". He was adamant that he'd let me know once he got the results, but I replied that it'd be cool to know, however, it ultimately doesn't matter because knowing he gave it to me wouldn't make H go away, nor would it prove that he was a crappy person since I'm sure (or hope) he didn't know.
I got a gut feeling that I'd probably never hear about their test results, assuming they'll actually get it done, and to date I haven't heard a peep. They didn't do it right after our conversation, but after a few days the person unmatched me on a dating app. In the end, the disclosure did lead to being rejected and it still stings a bit, but I'll get over it. It will be awkward the next time we see each other (which is ~99% sure to happen), but at least it forced my hand in ending a cruddy situation with this person. No one wants to get H, but in the grand scheme of things, I'm still a pretty cool person and my life is awesome - it's definitely someones' right to pass on me if they can't get past the H, but ultimately, they're the ones missing out.
Finally, I got the HSV IgG serology performed a few days ago, which is 2 months after the hook up/OB. Interestingly, it was negative for both HSV-1 and HSV-2 (done by multiplex assay), which definitely points towards me being infected during that last hook up and having my first OB. It's possible that valtrex is slowing the IgG production, so I'm planning on getting the type-specific western blot performed in six months. Regardless, this experience has been an eye-opener and has really forced me to reassess how I've approached relationships in the past few years. As I already said, no one wants to get H, but it's a great opportunity to stop and consider to my gut reaction about someone, which I've definitely been ignoring prior to now.