hardtodeal95

Hi everyone, this is going to be a long post so bear with me... I really need some help and support right now. I have been dating my boyfriend for 4 months now. About a week after the first time we had sex (4 months ago), I developed symptoms which I now know were my first outbreak. At first I had a little discharge, itching and small bumps that looked like ingrown hairs. I went to a walk in clinic and the doctor tested me for STI's and gave me preventative antibiotics for chlamydia and gonorrhea just in case (those tests came back negative). I then made an appointment with my family doctor when more bumps appeared and there was burning inside my vagina (right at the opening of the vagina near the perineum). She thought my bumps looked like ingrown hairs but saw something inside my vagina. She prescribed me Valtrex for 5 days just in case it was HSV and I went to get a blood test for HSV (1&2) which came back negative. Over the course that week I began to experience excruciating pain inside my vagina and anus as well as those bumps that looked like ingrown hairs turned into obvious herpes lesions. I also had flu like symptoms, swollen lymph nodes in my neck and groin and exhaustion. I took the Valtrex and it did nothing. This outbreak lasted for 3 weeks and it was horrible. After the outbreak was over, I went back to my family doctor and asked for another HSV blood test and it came back negative again. I did not tell my boyfriend about this whole ordeal because I was really confused about the two negative blood tests and thought it had to be something else. My family doctor even suggested that it may not be herpes, although she did not see the breakout in it's full effect. Fast forward four months to just a few days ago. My boyfriend developed a cold sore on his lip that he did not feel coming on. We had been engaging in oral and vaginal sex before his sore appeared. He then told me that this was his second cold sore and he tends to get them once a year. He said that he honestly forgot that he gets them until it appeared. Two days after the cold sore began developing on his lip, I began to feel pain in my vagina near the perineum like before, which I attributed at first to a tear from sex, because his penis is big and really thick and I sometimes feel pain after sex (sorry TMI). Anyway it became apparent that I was experiencing another outbreak because bumps developed on my labia and the pain got worse near the perineum, although not as bad as the initial outbreak. I went to the walk in clinic again and was prescribed Famvir for one day. As I write this, I am still experiencing the outbreak. When I realized that this outbreak was happening and that it came from him, I became very emotional, angry and upset with him. I threatened to break up with him over it. I was mad that he didn't tell me that he experiences HSV1 on his lips. He told me that he didn't know it was a virus that he always carries, as this was only his second outbreak. And he did not know that he could transmit it to the genital area. Anyway he is mad at me now over my reaction because he believes that I was rude and made him feel bad about himself. He argues with me that "cold sores" are only "cold sores" and are not sexually transmitted. I did apologize to him about my reaction but I still feel that I am justified to feel angry and upset over this. He didn't really take my apology too well and is still mad at me. I honestly still want to be with him because despite this, things have been really good between us and he treats me really well. I don't know what to do, now I am faced with knowing that I for sure have herpes on my vagina and might lose him. And I feel like this will ruin every future relationship that I begin because I will have to disclose that I have this and no one will want me. I have a doctors appointment tomorrow, I will be taking a third blood test and hopefully getting more antivirals for prevention since the stupid doctor at the clinic would only give me enough for one day. I guess I would like to hear experiences of someone in a similar situation. Relationship success stories? Was my reaction and anger towards him justified or was it too much? Is he justified in feeling angry towards me because of my reaction? What is it like disclosing to new partners and how did new relationships work out for you? Thank you for reading, I am very worried about the stigma I will face due to this along with the horrible physical symptoms that I already have to deal with. Any advice will help.