Feeling crappy

[PaleBlueEyes]

I found out I had hsv2 about 4 months before I met my boyfriend. We have now been together for almost 2 years. I told him about my status on the third date.

I have been struggling a lot with this "status." I beat myself up about it. I feel depressed and anxious at least once a day. I do have good days where I either dont think about it or I tell myself it doesnt define me and I'm still me etc.

I got a dog! He is cute and he helps with the depression and anxiety and keeps me grounded.

My boyfriend and I dont talk about my status. I would rather not talk about it and I think he gets angry about it because it makes him think about my past relationships. I have regrets. I'm not looking for him or anyone to be like "oh poor you." I just dont want him or anyone else to make me feel even worse than I already do.

I havent had a bad outbreak in a while but I've had one this past week. It's almost cleared up now. We havent had sex but it came up a couple nights ago- he really wanted to and I just said no but we can do other things.  .......
After that he asked what was going on and I got so weird! I dont know why I get so weird. I told him I'm having an outbreak. He moved over a bit, said "oh," and that was that. I started talking about what our plans for the next day were and he said "babe. I love you. Stop freaking out." And then he fell asleep.

I guess I was freaking out. I think I'm afraid hes going to one day say he doesnt want to deal with this anymore and then leave me.

:(

[hazeleyes44]

I would say if it’s been 2 years and he’s still around he’s not going anywhere. Have you come out and directly expressed to him how you are feeling? 

[PaleBlueEyes]

55 minutes ago, hazeleyes44 said:

I would say if it’s been 2 years and he’s still around he’s not going anywhere. Have you come out and directly expressed to him how you are feeling? 

No I havent. I guess it would probably be good if I did though.