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How to tell my boyfriend?!

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I just had my first outbreak and I have been dating the same guy for a year. Neither of us cheated on each other but we did go on a break in June where both of us slept with other people (it’s October now). I have no clue how long I’ve had it because I’m young and dumb and I didn’t think to use condoms because I have an IUD and was only worried about getting pregnant. Well now that me and my boyfriend are back together, I just had my first outbreak. I have no clue how to tell him! I have never experienced an outbreak before this. So it could have been dormant for over a year or it could have been from when we were on our break 4 months ago or so. It was great timing that we just had an argument today about our break and sleeping with other people! I am scared he is going to hate me forever once I tell him. I know after doing research herpes isn’t that big of a deal but it definitely sounds scary. Not to mention one of his biggest fears is getting a STD. I am terrified to tell him! I read the Ebook about “the talk” and I practiced it, but we just had an argument today about the break. I need help on how to tell him. Also what’s the chance he was infected before my first outbreak? I know the statistics of the transmission rates normally between outbreaks but I don’t know if they’re less transferable before your first outbreak. Someone please help me! I am so scared. 

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Having your first outbreak and trying to tell your significant other can definitely be scary.  It is possible that you had this prior to your relationship with your boyfriend.   I tested positive for the HSV1 antibodies 7 years ago and just had my first outbreak in July.   It could be possible that either of you were exposed to herpes during your break and gave it to each other.  You can still spread the virus (even though transmission rates are low) without ever having an outbreak so its also possible that your boyfriend has it and maybe gave it to you.  It is definitely not a blame game so don't be so hard on yourself.  

I would maybe get tested and figure out what type of herpes you have.  Educating yourself in these type of situation is always a good idea.  The more facts that you know about what you have, the better it will be to explain to someone else.  Just have an open and honest conversation with him. 

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest Fatladysangnocure

Sorry, you have Herpes. That said, if he decides that the RISK of catching Herpes, is too great, and he leaves, that will be HIS decision,. Most people Without Herpes, want to stay VD free.

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