So Confused

[Ugh_So_Confused]

Hello Everyone,

 

I am 35 years old heterosexual male and I just found this website and the community.

 

My current girlfriend and I started dating about 4 months ago. After discussing our risk factors of STI / STDs, we decided to have unprotected sex. I had only one sexual partner in the past 4 years before her with no symptoms of any kind and she had her last STD screening (including HSV 1 and 2) done 2 months prior our first date, 3-4 weeks after her last sexual encounter and all tests were negative. Before me she kissed only one person between the STD screening and our first unprotected sexual encounter.

 

Around the end of the second month of started dating, I had discomfort around my groin and tip of my penis and decided to see an Urologist. While waiting for my appointment to day to come, I went ahead and got a full on STD screening and tested positive for HSV-1 (IGG=34.5), it was a slap in the face . Upon my test results girlfriend decided to get screened and she tested positive for HSV-1 and HSV-2 ( IGG=42.7 and IGG=5.0 respectively). Up to this point we have never had any kind of symptoms or breakouts whatsoever, and still don't.

 

During my urologist appointment, I was diagnosed with Prostatitis and started antibiotic treatment for it. I am currently going through the treatment and most of the symptoms are relieved however there are waves for intense genital itching presence and it's been more than 6 weeks since it has started, with zero visual abnormalities.

 

At this point, we both are sad, disappointed and scared. We have not been having sex due to my discomfort from the Prostatitis and also the fear of spreading the different strains of viruses to each others different body parts. It was a brand new relationship and we are just getting comfortable with each other and we are very ashamed to talk to anyone else about our situation.

 

Internet research gives mixed results about what we can and can't do as far as our sexual activities. We are heterosexual and monogamous couple and enjoyed oral,vaginal and anal sex before my symptoms arose.

 

I would appreciate if anyone can chime in what they think of our situation and how we should proceed with our sex life.

 

My girlfriend already offered to break up as she does not want me to get infected with HSV-2 while I believe that I already have it due to couple of months of unprotected intimacy. Everything is extremely confusing for both of us and we do not know how to move forward...

 

Thanks for all the input in advance

USC

[Tina94]

IGG is usually very correct and a 5.0 is a positive result. So I would guess that she probably has HSV2.

What was your IGG result for HSV2?

Both of your HSV1 results suggests that you've had that infection for a long time since the numbers are high.

Some people have HSV2 but never show symptoms so they don't even know they have it. Could be the case with your gf. Even if she ever shows symptoms and you're still negative, you can still have a great sex life together. With condoms and meds the risk of transmission is so small! If you like her (maybe already love her?) I would not think that herpes should be such a big deal for you guys. You are still you and she's still who she is and was before all of this. 1 in 5 women has this and 1 in 8 men - that's a lot you know.. Herpes is a lot more common than diabetes and asthma even though you hear a lot more about other diseases. I've heard about couples where one has herpes and the other does not, and still after 20 years it stays that way.. You just never know. Life is risky. It will always be. If you leave your gf because of this, you are maybe a lot more at risk - you might meet another girl who does NOT know she has it and does not know how to protect you with meds and condoms. 1 in 5 women, remember that.

 

If I were you I would get another IGG, both of you. Just to see if the results are still the same. If they are, you will know that your gf has herpes and maybe you have it too or not, and then you can go from there. If you both have it there's really nothing to worry about since you can't spread it back and forth.

 

Good luck and keep us updated!

All the best, Tina

[Ugh_So_Confused]

Thank you for the input Tina! At this point anyone else to communicate with helps because I am not sure how out friends will take it.

 

My girlfriend has gone on the daily meds immediately and we are so far using condoms during intercourse until we are fully educated about the risks of condomless sex. As far as Oral sex goes, what are the risks of not using condoms and dental dams? Is there are advantage of me being HSV-1 positive but not knowing which part of my body.

 

Hope my question is not too complicated.

 

Wishing everyone a wonderful weekend!

[Tina94]

Glad to be able to help you! It's a difficult topic to talk to people about because of the stigma. So glad your find your way to this forum :-)

 

I think it's a good idea that your gf went on the daily meds and you guys are using condoms until you know more.

May I ask you, she has never ever felt something was wrong down there? Like ongoing yeast infections, UTI's or anything? Herpes is often misdiagnosed, often doctors think it's yeast infection because some people do not get the typical blisters.

 

About oral sex: the risk is literally sooo small that I would not hold myself back. I think it's even less than 1% chance. HSV2 does not thrive in the mouth area so transmission almost *never* happens, so don't hold yourself back on this.

 

About the advantages of being HSV1 positive: If you've never had an outbreak on your genitals, I would be pretty certain to conclude that you have it orally. HSV1 does give some advantages but you can still get HSV2. The advantages of you having that virus would mostly be that IF you got infected with HSV2, your outbreaks would be less severe because your body already knows the HSV1 virus (they are almost identical in their cells/DNA). Other than that, HSV1 will probably not change anything when it comes to the HSV2-transmission, sorry.. 80% of people with HSV2 do not know they have it (like your gf) so I guess there is an 80% chance that you won't show any symptoms.

I'm not good with statistics so can't remember the exact numbers, but I think the transmission rates from female to male with meds and condoms is 1%. I think I read somewhere that chances of becoming pregnant while being on birth control is 3% and people don't really care or think about that risk - and the risk of transmission of HSV2 from female to male is even lower than that. Just as a perspective :-)

 

Hope this goes well, and the best thing I can advise you to do is just to keep communicating with your gf and support her. She probably feels even more confused than you and scared that this might change things between you. And I would also advise you (well your gf) to stay on the meds maybe for a year to see if your relationship is still going strong and you know more about the virus and transmission etc.

 

Keep us updated!

 

All the best,

Tina

[Ugh_So_Confused]

Thanks for the clarification of a few things we have been very confused about. What about oral sex while I am on the receiving end. Assuming my GF is infected with HSV-1 orally, and me being HSV-1 positive and not knowing which part of my body hosts the virus, am.I susceptible to infection on my genitals ?