i'm so upset

[ANON463829]

I'm so upset and I cannot stop crying since I've gotten my diagnosis two weeks ago. I feel like my life is completely over; I don't want to live like this. I don't want to have to tell every single person that I would be with that I'm disgusting. I only have one small dot that I made myself get checked bc I'm an overly anxious person. I can't sleep or eat and I'm just so sad. I really don't want to live anymore. I don't know what to do with myself. And I've been reading all these posts about people having successful disclosures and stuff but I just know that it would never happen for me. And then I think I wouldn't want to disclose but then I would feel like a terrible person and feel even worse. I just don't know what to do with myself. I feel like there is nothing worth doing in life. This has honestly ruined my life and I know people say that it doesn't but it really has for me. It has taken what little self confidence I had. I'm just so sad and I know I'm not going to be able to get over this. All of my friends think that I'm acting different and that I'm not myself and its because I'm so depressed. I'm so sad that I did this to myself. I'm only 20 and I feel like I'm never going to have fun or be happy again.

[katy]

It will get better, i PROMISE. I was diagnosed 5 years ago and felt completely hopeless too. First things to remember: You're not disgusting. You have a virus. This was not your fault. You have sex like every adult and caught a virus. the way you feel now is not the way you will feel forever. I know it's impossible to see that but you need to try to keep faith that with time and mental training, it will. I've told many partners and have had good reactions. I rarely think about it anymore but that wasn't always the case. How you talk to yourself and what you believe make all of the difference. Try to bring compassion to yourself right now, it's OK to feel sad and scared, it's natural but it's not your truth. Hang in there, it WILL get better.

[ShatteredHeart05]

I have been the same way since my diagnosis. I'm still trying to process this and I cry literally every single day. I too had just one very small spot, my gyn even said he was confident it wasn't anything serious he said it looked like a yeast infection. I was mortified when I got the results sent to my chart online. I hope we can both start to feel better about this.

 

[ANON463829]

@ShatteredHeart05 I'm so sorry you feel the same way that I did. I have been feeling a lot better recently after about a month of being really sad about it. I feel like this has given me a reason to finally put myself first and it has made me realize how much of a good person I am and how much I have to offer. I know you may feel really down for a while but you may feel better sooner then you think. For me, this was like a realization about my health and that I am not invincible and I can honestly say I am grateful that this is my only health problem. I keep thinking like I could have had a much more serious STD and I am just beyond grateful that this is what I was diagnosed with. I really hope you start to feel better soon and I know you will. If you think about it the majority of people that have HSV either 1 or 2 and minus the stigma its literally nothing for us because our outbreaks are almost nonexistent. I am just so happy that I am still healthy and that this virus does not effect me very much.

[ShatteredHeart05]

Thank you so much! It seems to be getting a little easier, it's not the only thing I think of nonstop at the moment. However I have a ton of stress going on but at least the constant thinking about it and keeping me up all night is getting better. Im.so glad you are feeling better!