Successful Disclosure after 1st Date...

[zonagirl100]

I found out I had HSV2 in November 2018 from a blood test, I was in shock and disbelief as I am sure many of you were. I had no symptoms and not sure I ever have. I even went back a few months later and made the doctor retest me and check me out, lol. The test came back positive again. It's funny (not really) my OBGYN told me not to worry about it, that a lot of people have it, and she said "guy's dont care if you have it". She also said "maybe I shouldn't have tested you". But I would rather know than not know, even though it has taken a toll on my self esteem.

 

 

Like most of us I thought for sure my sex life and dating life was over. I only told a good friend of mine. She was very supportive. She told me she dated a man with Herpes and she never got it. They just refrained from sex.

 

Well, I did a lot of research, or as much as you can on the internet. I also started reading this blog...a lot. It really helped.

 

I said fuck it, signed up for online dating. I'm 44 but pretty good looking. But in my mind I kept telling myself, how in the hell am I going to disclose this to someone. I don't know if the shoe were the other way around if I would've been okay with it.

 

I meet a few guys. None of them I really like, so whew, I didn't have to tell them. Then I meet a guy, I'll call him Jason. We text all day, set up a time to meet, go to dinner, turns out he is a doctor and a very successful one at that. He seems normal, okay looking, but very nice and smart. After dinner he wants me to go to his place and assures me nothing will happen, I know in my head it won't because I haven't had the "talk" go to his incredibly large and beautiful house. I am thinking in my head, no way is this successful doctor going to want to continue to date me after I disclose to him. We end the night with a kiss.

 

He texts me the next day, wants to go out again. We continue to text and than he text me "BTW, I am STD free". I'm thinking oh shit, I reply back "Okay". I panick and text my friend and am like what do I do. I don't want to lie. And I don't want to tell him in a text.

 

So I say screw it, better to get rejected now than later. I call him on the phone. We make small chit chat and than I tell him I have to talk to him, but I am calm (I've read a lof of post on disclosing and they all say to stay calm and not to act like your ashamed of it) and I tell him I am HSV2 postive. I than tell him if he needs time to think about it or if it's a deal breaker I completely understand. He was actually very cool about it and says, "no it's not a deal breaker and I still want to see you tomorrow" He asked a few questions, I felt weird telling him what I know because he's a doctor. We have gone out twice since than.

 

I know not everyone's disclosure will always be positive. And I will say this forum has really helped me accept my diagnosis and prepared me (as much as you can be prepared to tell someone something like this). I was a calm as I could be, stated my diagnosis. Told him a few facts. And it turned out fine.

 

 

I would say let someone get to know you before you sleep with them. But always disclose, I actually feel a weight lifted off me. I was going to wait after a few more dates to tell him, if he hadn't sent that text I'd probably be a mess wondering how in the hell am I going to tell him. His text forced me to be honest and I feel so much better that I was.

 

If someone truly likes you than you both will figure it out. If they can't accept you, than they don't deserve you.

 

I spent months crying, feeling ashamed and embarassed. Life is to short, believe, be positive and it will happen.

 

I hope this helps someone. Good luck everyone! Lots of love for everyone!