Just found out I have herpes

[MAA83]

Just found out I have herpes...I have a pit in my stomach. 

I have so many questions...

Can you get/give it even when you aren’t  having an outbreak? 

Do I need to take medication even if I don’t have an outbreak? 

Can you give or receive oral sex if you have it? 

Is hair loss a problem if you take the medication? If so, what supplements do you take to help prevent that? 

I didn’t notice any lesions till sunday and was intimate with someone I am dating on Sat. Are the chances of them contracting it 100%? 

 

Thank you to to anyone who can offer answers and support. My head is in whirlwind. 

[countryboy83]

I think most everyone here knows the feeling of that pit in your stomach and having millions of thoughts, concerns and questions flying through your head non-stop. I'm far from an expert, but here's what I can answer for you to the best of my ability...

• Yes. Herpes can be contracted without an active outbreak. It's called asymptomatic shedding. Your body will shed the virus a percentage of the time from the location of the infection (mouth, genitals, etc.).
• Need? Technically, even with outbreaks, you don't need the medication. However, taking the medication can reduce the frequency, duration and severity of the outbreaks considerably. As well, it can reduce the amount of asymptomatic shedding significantly.
• I mean... it's a bit of a complicated question and is somewhat determined by the type and location (HSV-1 vs HSV-2 and mouth vs genitals). HSV-1 tends to prefer above the belt, while HSV-2 tends to prefer below. Either can be contracted in either location... but, the chance is lower. If you have HSV-2 below the belt, it's likely safe to perform oral on your partner... however there will be a slight risk if they perform oral on you. Generally, there will always be a risk of spreading the virus, but you can take steps to take the likelihood down to rather minimal.
• Don't know anything about this. Sorry.
• The chance isn't 100%, especially if you were using protection... However, while I know you're freaked out right now, you'll want to sit down and talk with her. This forum has some incredible resources for the disclosure talk... I'd recommend downloading the free PDFs and checking in on that section of the forum for some advice. I would've given anything to have taken the time to do that prior to talking with my ex.