I had just moved 10 hours from home for a job, fresh out of a long-term relationship, and was just generally excited about life and new experiences. I was going on dates, getting to know new people, making friends, "adult-ing," and exploring a new place. I felt like I was on top of the world. Then, months later, I met a guy that I liked. He was my age, attractive, really had a way with words, liked music, had a sense of humor, wanted to join the Peace Corps... It was the first time since I got out of my 4.5 year relationship that ended 8 months prior that I'd actually had feelings for someone. So we spent time together, went on fun dates like swing dancing, riding around and exploring the area... I felt good about it.
Then, we started having sex. Always protected, because I insisted but he was always weird about it and insisted that he was "clean." But I knew better. Then one night, I went out with some friends and had a little more to drink than I should've. He was getting off of work and I met up with him and we walked back to my apartment. I was stupid and my judgement was impaired and I agreed to having sex without a condom. I do realize that you can contract HSV with or without since it is a skin disease, but I'm sure this didn't help anything. Next thing I know, I have a bad UTI, and I start my first OB soon after that. It was horrible. I just told him I was sick and avoided seeing him, got tested, didn't realize HSV antibodies take a while to show up in blood, spent a ton of money on tests, antibiotics (Incase of chlamydia/gonorrhea, which I never had but wish I would've had it over what I got)...
When I finally found out that it was HSV-1 (genital) after much googling, doctor's visits, and more outbreaks, I mustered up the courage to tell him what was going on. He was upset that I didn't talk to him, blamed me for everything, told me he didn't have anything, essentially told me I was a whore who must've gotten drunk and been sleeping with other guys, it was awful. I felt so dejected and horrible. After some coping and talking to my friend in the medical field, I at least came to terms with it with myself, but then just yesterday I found out that my pap smear was abnormal and I was positive for HPV, too. All because of this guy who I feel duped by and wasn't understanding at all. Now, I've basically been sentencing myself to a life of no intimate relationships and have extreme anxiety about getting close to anyone. Does anyone have any advice? I'm in a bit of a low place and it's hard to go to work every day and pretend that I'm fine - I'm the queen of bottling stuff up and then having it come back to bite me, hard.
Thank you for reading!
tl;dr - Have HSV-1 (genital) and HPV due to unfortunate circumstances. Just looking for advice and reassurance, as I don't feel like I'll ever be able to feel "normal" again.
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