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mr_hopp last won the day on January 20

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  1. The herpes virus isn't in semen unless the fluid from an active outbreak mixes with it. Herpes is passed from skin-to-skin contact/friction. Only 1-2% of all oral HSV-2 cases are oral, which means it is very rare to pass it in that way. (Of course avoid oral sex if you feel prodrome symptoms.) Here's an article that should give you all the data you'll need: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/spreading-genital-herpes-hsv-2-from-oral-sex ... especially this clip from my interview with Dr. Leone:
  2. Hi @MG_25 and I'm so sorry this happened. I have met a lot of women in my coaching practice who have gotten herpes by sexual assault. It can certainly feel like sexual assault is already enough to process and heal from, then herpes on top of that can feel like too much. But you will get through this. You deserve to be treated not just with respect, but with deep love and reverence. Feeling safe, considered and taken care of in relationship is what I wish for you above all. And like @~Minerva~ said, the fact that you are reaching out for support shows you are committed to your healing. It takes
  3. Sorry you're going through it! That person was right that for the majority of folks their first herpes outbreak is the worst; but during the first 6 months to a year, your body is still working to build up immunity to the virus, so especially during periods of stress (yes, PANDEMIC anyone?), your body can't mount a good enough defense to keep the virus at bay. It's good to check in to see if there are any other underlying things going on, but my hunch would be the intersection of it being less than a year for you and living through an incredibly stressful and disconcerting time for us all. Let
  4. If both of you have had HSV-2 for at least a year, then the chances of auto-inoculation (spreading it to other parts of your body) are very small. Just avoid sexy time during actual outbreaks of course (but you can still play intimacy games where that area is "off limits") ... Super sexy!
  5. Take it slow and talk about it from a grounded place with your boyfriend. Let him know about your anxieties from a place of caring about him and his sexual health. Don't let yourself spiral about it. Stay positive and optimistic. Herpes is rarely the cause of disconnection; it tends to be more about our ideas about having herpes that can disconnect. After all, genital HSV-1 specifically is much less likely to transmit genital-to-genital than HSV-2, so the chance of your boyfriend getting genital HSV-1 through genital sex is minimal at best. In fact, Terri Warren told me once she has never seen
  6. Think of it less like a continuum from low to high and more like a yes/no to having herpes or not. More or less antibodies don't mean more or less herpes.
  7. Herpes blood tests are frustrating to say the least. Unfortunately the most common ones give unclear results, commonly giving false positives and false negatives. For a definitive result, get a Western Blot test. Here is more details about herpes blood testing.
  8. Touching yourself and then touching him is fine (when you aren't having an outbreak, of course) since asymptomatic viral shedding is random and only sheds enough virus to potentially be spread via direct skin-to-skin friction. (Check out the free e-book and handouts to see the rates of viral shedding.) And no worries about you spreading your HSV-1 to your own mouth by giving your partner oral sex. What you're asking about there is called auto-inoculation, and it's actually harder to do than you might think (except in extreme circumstances like touching the fluid of an active outbreak then
  9. The truth is, it's impossible to tell where the original site of infection was (and hence where you are contagious) without an actual outbreak that is swabbable. So the doctor should have said that instead of saying you don't have any STIs. (Which gets into a whole other cockamamy discussion around how something isn't an STI when it's on your lip, but it becomes an STI if it traverses below the belt.) This is the gray area a lot of people are in who get a blood test but haven't had an identifiable outbreak. The best thing to do is to tell future partners exactly these details that you shared h
  10. Please don't let that mindset get the best of you. I held onto that mindset for way too long. And it crippled me. If I kept believing that, then I wouldn't have met the woman who is now my wife and the mother of our child. It feels like a big risk to put ourselves out there in general, then having herpes feels like it amplifies that risk of being rejected. But if we're honest with ourselves, we've always had that fear of rejection. So if we can use herpes as leverage to excavate our own vulnerability, knowing that the person we are meant to be with will see our hearts, our integrity, our trust
  11. IgM is certainly horribly unreliable, but IgG isn't too much better. Both carry false positives and false negatives. To be sure, look into getting the Western Blot, which is the gold standard in herpes blood testing: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/herpes-tests
  12. You've come to the right place. I'm sorry you're going through it. But rest assured, we've all been in similar places, and we're all at varying stages of acceptance with this. First things first, search out an H Buddy and post there to talk with someone one-on-one. Knowing that you're not alone and that herpes is so incredibly common will help you put things in perspective. You will come out the other side of this stronger, I promise you. And by the way, you can absolutely have kids! (If herpes actually held people back from childbirth, our population would be decimated.) 😄 Don't let the
  13. Hi and welcome @Mgxoxo! Yes, it's super common to have conflicting test results like that via swab and blood test. This is because it can take up to 3 months for enough antibodies to build up in the bloodstream after an initial herpes infection whereas an outbreak can be directly tested via swab. IgM and IgG tests are notoriously bad at giving false negatives and false positives; Western Blot is the way to go for a definitive answer. Here's a post about herpes tests for more.
  14. Yes, ocular herpes is certainly a thing, but it tends to affect folks most before they’ve developed immunity (antibodies) or who have compromised immune systems.
  15. Hi @JessJunko! For what it's worth, it doesn't sound like herpes by your description since most herpes shows up as sores and not tiny bumps. And transmitting herpes happens with direct skin-to-skin contact with the infected area, so the chances of that kind of transmission happening from genital --> mouth --> face that you describe isn't likely. Have you checked with your doctor/dermatologist?
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