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mr_hopp last won the day on April 5

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  1. You’re right that genital HSV-2 does she’d more than genital HSV-1, so it is important to know what strain you have. Have you checked out the handouts with all the facts and figures on it? It goes into detail about all that. Download them here: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook Definitely get bloodwork done again and this time get a Western Blot test, which will give you definitive results. Here’s an article on herpes tests: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/herpes-tests
  2. Hi Riley and welcome! Unfortunately IgG and IgM tests are notoriously bad at giving false negatives and false positives. The Western Blot test is the definitive test to tell what type(s) you have. Here’s an article on herpes tests with more info: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/herpes-tests
  3. I know it hurts, especially after making yourself vulnerable and then getting a resounding “no thanks.” I’m sorry for that. And remember that it’s only a true rejection of you reject yourself and make it about you not being enough. You just weren’t right for him. Which ultimately means he wasn’t right for you. You are always enough for the relationship that is right for you. And this just wasn’t it. Try not to take it too personally and definitely don’t make it into proof that you won’t find someone in the future. That’s some grade A BS. 😉 And by the way, congratulations on having the courage and integrity to disclose. I’m impressed. It’s not always easy, but it is always worth it to speak your truth and share yourself, regardless of the outcome. 💪👊
  4. Hey there! Sorry this is a stressful time for you, bud. I hope to alleviate that stress for you via dropping some facts on ya ... Heretic whitlow tends to not recur for most people with healthy immune systems after the body has had enough time to build up adequate antibodies (around 6 months). The reason is because herpes (especially HSV-2) prefers mucous membranes as a primary site of infection. Any thicker skin isn’t ideal for the virus to come back. In this initial 6 month period (and especially when you’re having an active outbreak on your finger) avoid touching other parts of your body so you don’t auto-inoculate. After you have antibodies established, then auto-inoculation is rare. Ask your doc which strain it is because it could be either HSV-1 or HSV-2 and they will have different shedding rates. HSV-2 is actually less aggressive on the finger since it is highly preferential to genitals (99% of HSV-2 cases are on the genitals). And really, no worries, herpes in general doesn’t change the course of your love life unless you let it by believing the BS stigma and shame stuff out there. I have genital and oral herpes and haven’t given it to my wife or 3 year old son. Life goes on. This can truly be a blip on the radar. Just get educated and hold the paranoia at bay.
  5. Remember: Herpes doesn't mean the same thing to everyone that it meant to you. Because you disclosed with integrity and courage, he won't have the same relationship to herpes that you had. If anything, his view of herpes is that people of integrity and courage have it. 😉 I originally got herpes by my girlfriend cheating on me with her ex-boyfriend; I started out with a very negative perspective around what herpes meant to me. But if I were to give my wife herpes (she hasn't gotten it yet after 5 years of being together and having our baby boy! 🤞), she wouldn't have the same negative perspective that I did about what herpes means. She is fully informed about it and is taking the risk because she loves me and doesn't see herpes as being a block to that. At all. So your man knows the risk (and of course he doesn't want to get it), but in moving forward with the relationship, he is telling you that you are worth that risk. Trust in that. Trust that he is a grown-ass man who can make grown decisions about who he wants to have sex with and what risks he wants to take. Take the burden off your shoulders, let go of the paranoia of possibly giving him herpes and transform it into care. Be careful with him, but don't be paranoid. Paranoia distances you. Care connects. Watch your self-rejection tendencies closely. Some folks believe that finally getting someone to accept them solves everything, but self-love and acceptance is ultimately an inside job. Check out this video I made about self-love. Maybe you'll find some solace in it? https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/herpes-and-self-acceptance
  6. Welcome @Donkrin! If you're having an active herpes outbreak, it's likely to be transmitted, especially to areas with more mucous membrane (which is why oral and genital herpes are most prevalent). If you're not having an outbreak, pretty unlikely to transmit if they touch with their hand or some other part of their body with thicker skin since asymptomatic viral shedding doesn't shed much virus. But get your dose of data and facts by downloading the e-book and handouts here first: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook Then you can watch this video on herpes facts for a general overview: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/herpes-facts Come back and ask more specific questions as you continue your search and we'll do our best to answer them!
  7. Beautiful. A lovely practice I do to reconnect to myself and my heart is Ho’oponopono: "I'm sorry (for how I've treated you in the past). Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you." And say it over and over on a loop until it permeates my heart. To let my heart speak these words to myself brings sweet tears.
  8. Congratulations! (I'm doing a big happy dance for you over here.) I'm proud of your courage and integrity and that you have been rewarded with an emotionally available man and trustworthy man. Bravo. This is why we refer to this as a great relationship filter. And yes, the anxiety of transmitting herpes absolutely does dissipate. I've had herpes for over a decade now. My wife and I have been together for 5+ years now and she hasn't gotten herpes yet. It's just not a thing we worry about together. There are much riskier things we as human beings do every day (driving a car is a biggy!). The spectre of transmission looms large early on because of the stigma and shame, but the more you learn to accept yourself, talk openly to your partners and trust that awareness is the biggest way to protect your partners, the paranoia that you once had moves into being careful (full of care). So my suggestion to you is to take it slow ... in more ways than one. 😉 Ask him to be slow with you. Use a lot of lube if you need to. Be present with each other as you are having sex. Have the care you have for each other translate into how you make love. Paranoia distances, but care connects. Also, take your time for how long and how often you'd like to have sex. Keep an open dialogue as both of you ease your way back in together. And finally ... Enjoy! 🙌💝
  9. @AE1994 is spot on. And soap kills it, too, so yet another line of defense.
  10. What symptoms have your children had, @girlnamedhope & @HopefulHerpy? It's rare to pass genital herpes to children unless something wildly inappropriate is happening (since genital herpes is spread via skin-to-skin contact with friction). A lot of how herpes is spread to children is when people have an active cold sore (oral herpes) and kiss a child not knowing herpes can be spread like that. Here's an article on how you get herpes: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/how-can-you-get-herpes ... and here's a video on herpes facts: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/herpes-facts
  11. Hey @Emd44! Good to see you again and happy to hear H Opp has been helpful to you. 🙂 Those random feelings could be prodrome symptoms or at the very least signs that the virus is "waking up" and starting to move through your nerves, but it's not a given that it will lead to an outbreak or mean you are any more contagious. It's a bit of a gray area when those feelings are happening. (If it were a traffic light, it would be yellow — be aware.) And there's always an opportunity when this is happening that you can talk to whoever your partner is at the time about it. Not from a place of fear or shame, but just as an FYI that you might not feel like going all the way, but you can explore other forms of intimacy instead. Or your partner may be fine with going ahead with it anyway since it doesn't necessarily mean that the virus is more active than at any other time during asymptomatic viral shedding.
  12. I'd love to hear how it went, too @DoesntDefineMe! And remember that nervousness and excitement show up in the same part of your brain. So it's all about perspective whether you experience it one way or the other. Fascinating ... Here's to your courage! 🙌 And for anyone else needing a quick read to get you in the Opportunity mindset leading up to a disclosure, grab the short e-book I wrote here: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook
  13. Where are you in the world? I use Walgreens mail order pharmacy (Alliance Rx) and I only pay about $25 for a 3-month supply of Acyclovir (same effect as Valacyclovir/Valtrex, but cheaper because it's not name brand; only difference is you take it 2x/day instead of once). I think places like Walmart have low prices on herpes meds, too. Call around and see. After you have a prescription for it, it's super easy to get the script filled wherever.
  14. This is a classic example of herpes being a relationship filter. Sometimes folks need to jump through some hoops to show us who they really are before we're going to go deeper with them. It's another nod to raising our standards instead of feeling that we somehow need to lower them just because we have herpes.
  15. Take it day by day. The first 6 months to a year is going to be the most outbreaks (both in terms of both severity and how often they'll come up) you'll have and doesn't represent how it'll be for the long term at all. Keep taking your daily suppressive therapy during this time, which will cut shedding by 50% (which translates to less outbreaks in severity and frequency). There are only 2 reasons to keep taking medication over the long term, so keep that in mind after you're out of this initial phase. And overall take care of yourself. Eat well. Sleep well. Exercise. Anything to keep your immune system in tip-top shape will help it to hold the virus at bay. After a year on average, most people's immune systems are able to keep outbreaks handled. Hang in there! You got this. And we're here for you.
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