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mr_hopp last won the day on January 17

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  1. Takimg suppressive therapy doesn’t affect your body’s ability to make antibodies, so no worries there. And you only need to consider suppressive therapy if you have bad/consistent outbreaks or you are trying to protect a partner who doesn’t have herpes. More on that here: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/herpes-medication When I was single and not having sex, I didn’t take acyclovir at all and just rolled with the occasional outbreak. Now that I’m married to a woman who doesn’t have herpes, I take daily suppressive therapy to keep her from contracting it.
  2. Hi @kinator! It's courageous for you to reach out and ask. The first step is to work with your own inner shame around this and let it go. Let go of the stigma and embrace your vulnerability. In short, become Stigma Bulletproof. And there's a lot of content having to do with the herpes talk here on H Opportunity. First things first, download the free dislosure e-book & handouts here: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook Then, check all these links out for more: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/the-herpes-talk-and-your-perspective https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/making-herpes-disclosure-sexy https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/doesnt-disclosing-herpes-destroy-intimacy https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/when-to-have-the-herpes-talk https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/herpes-disclosure-as-foreplay And if you’re ready to take a deep dive into discovering your opportunity, living it outloud and finding the relationship you deserve, You can buy the Opportunity audio course here (guide #3 is all about the herpes talk): https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/lifestyle-guides You've got this!
  3. I both agree and disagree with your psychologist. It's just not so black and white. The question to ask yourself when looking at online forums is this: "What story is being supported here?" Is it the story of optimism and vulnerability or the story of negativity and shame? Are the members being supported in their resiliency or are they being supported as helpless victims? The context is super important here. Sometimes a forum itself can be rife with negativity and supporting a super depressing storyline about the future. Sometimes it's individual people posting who are caught in a negative storyline about what this now means about them and their lives. It's the classic motif of dark and light. Which will win out? The one you give more attention to. Even on this forum, there are plenty of folks who initially arrive with a super negative mindset, which is understandable since stigma is so commonplace. (Yes, I was one of those people when I first got herpes!). But once we know better, then it's up to us to be representatives of the light, of optimism, of Opportunity ... to become Stigma Bulletproof (and then pass that mindset along to those who need it). This is when an online forum can be a place where minds — and subsequently lives — can be changed for the better.
  4. Lol, that would be convenient wouldn’t it to have an at-home shedding testing kit. 😉 But alas, there isn’t a way to do that at this point, nor can you go the doc and just have them swab since you’d need to go in every day for an extended period of time to get an idea of shedding rates since they don’t always correspond directly to the tingly nerve sensations that can be mistaken for prodrome sensations since they will feel very similar. You certainly aren’t shedding all the time (download the handouts to see the shedding rates per strain & location), but it’s impossible to tell when you are and when you aren’t.
  5. Oof, sorry for the hoochy pain! 😳 Here’s to wishing you a speedy recovery!
  6. The first 6 months to a year are when your body is busy building up antibodies to protect you more and more as time passes. So it is true that there will be more viral shedding during this time, which will make you more contagious overall. Hard to give a definitive number (or how long you should wait after your initial outbreak) since the transmission rates that are given in the handouts are averages across the board. With that said, don’t let yourself fall for the whole pariah storyline. You’re not a pariah. And you’re not “dangerous” either (that word over-exaggerates it for my taste). You’re someone who has a simple stigmatized skin condition that’s contagious. That's it. Just be careful during this time as your body builds up immunity; be clear with your friend that you are more contagious, but that you will keep an open line of communication with him about any prodrome symptoms that might signal that an outbreak could be coming on. Other than that, it’s a risk that just comes with the territory, more so in this first year than for the rest of your life. Are you on daily suppressive therapy? That will cut the risk of him getting it in half; using console? Cuts it in half again. To put it in perspective, I believe people who know they have herpes are actually more safe than a huge section of our population who doesn’t get tested and stays in denial about their sexual health in general. Awareness is the first line of defense in keeping any sexual partner safe. And finally, if he’s the one making you feel like a pariah or dangerous, then move on. There are plenty of folks who will respect you, even as friends with benefits or a one night stand if that’s what you’re after. Hope this helps! Hugs
  7. Not a logical argument. Would you want someone to do the same to you if the roles were reversed and they had something they could transmit to you? You’d want them to say something even if it was a one-night stand, right? Don’t let the fear cloud your integrity. Be courageous. You’ll feel a hell of a lot better about yourself in the process. Hiding sucks. Sweeping your integrity under the rug for a little fun sucks. And definitely doesn’t lead to connected, real, trustworthy relationships, which I’m assuming is what you ultimately want, right?
  8. Certainly a multi-layered situation with a lot of different emotions involved. You feeling upset that she wasn't truthful with you while also having empathy as to why she has a lot of pain surrounding herpes and being raped. And then talking to the new woman about it who you assumed you could also trust, but then having that new trust betrayed as well. It doesn't sound like you were telling this new woman out of malice that your ex gave you herpes, right? It sounds like you were just being honest and upfront with her, perhaps a bit naive that it might get back to your ex. Take this as a lesson learned that disclosing to potential partners is all about asking yourself the question, "Do I trust this person with my vulnerability?" And if the answer is a no or there's any hesitation, then wait until that trust is established before you pursue the relationship on a more intimate level and disclose.
  9. You're right that building trust takes time, especially after your trust in her has taken a hit. And it requires continuing to choose trust and let go of resentment for long-term partnership to go deeper (which is a process). You sound like a compassionate guy who loves this woman very much. And you can see why it might have been difficult for her to disclose out of fear of rejection (while you still hold an expectation of integrity/truth in relationship). It's certainly a dance. Be patient with it. Just you coming on this forum and asking the questions you're asking means a lot about your self-awareness and shows your deep value of integrity. By the way, if you would like support in this via couples coaching, here are details: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/herpes-coaching
  10. You’re right that it is rare to auto-inoculate oral HSV-1 to genital, especially after the body has developed antibodies. To be certain of which type you have, look into getting the western blot, which is the gold standard in herpes type testing. Here’s more on herpes tests.
  11. Great question! It does have to be in your system for at least a week before it will have any protective effects for your partner(s).
  12. Hey there! Acyclovir has no impact on fertility as far as I have heard, so you can officially let your worries about that go. 🙂
  13. Hi @Needhelp19! IgG is notorious for giving both false positives and negatives, so it’s not a definitive test by any means. (Which is unfortunate since that’s the most common test out there! Go figure.) 🤦‍♂️ And yes, you’re on it — in order to get an accurate Western blot even, you would need to wait for antibodies to build up to detectable levels, which is that 12 to 16 week timeframe.
  14. The irony you’ll find is that having herpes doesn’t tend to hurt your chances of finding love (unless you believe it will, but that’s another conversation); it actually makes you more sensitive to see who is ready for a deeper relationship and filter out the rest. Important piece of advice: Raise your standards; don’t lower them. 😉
  15. Totally possible! Plenty of folks have done it. The thing about casual sex in general is that those who do it responsibly have the safer sex talk with each partner and get to know their risks (since casual sex is just plain risky across the board when it comes to the risk of getting any STI). So when you’re open about having herpes, it sets you apart — in a good way! — when it comes to being trustworthy (if only for a one-night stand). When you are armed with the facts while being confident and caring about keeping your casual sex partner safe, it actually makes you *more* safe than those who are in denial about the risks and have casual sex anyway. And with you being open, you get to hear from them about what they’d like to share with you. This is true consent. Super important. P.S. — Some folks have argued before that if it’s just a one-night stand, then why disclose anyway? It’s a silly question since of course you would want to be told if the tables were turned and they had a transmissible STI that they could give you.
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