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mr_hopp last won the day on July 8

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  1. STD-only dating is a form of pre-rejection. If I stuck with STD-only dating, I would have never met my wife. Because I would have made the choice to take myself out of the “regular folk” dating pool without giving her the choice through disclosing. I don’t want to pop-poo it altogether though. STD-only dating certainly has its place as a warmup to getting yourself back out into the world of dating in general … just don’t get stuck there! Here’s an article about this: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/herpes-dating-sites
  2. Unfortunately, it's hokey. Don't waste your money on false promises. Here's a good article debunking their claims: https://www.acsh.org/news/2019/03/26/synergys-herpes-cure-will-leave-you-cold-sore-13892
  3. Tears in my eyes. Goosebumps all over. Holy shit. POWER.
  4. Hello H Oppers! I recently had the pleasure of interviewing one of our fellow H-Oppers, Stephanie Taylor. Stephanie first reached out to me after hearing the Vice interview with me and my wife; and her email was so heartfelt and real, I wanted to hear more from her (and share her story with you!). Stephanie and I talk about how she felt about first getting diagnosed 2 years ago, how her 3 best girlfriends reacted when she disclosed (cue the movie moment music), and how she perceives dating and relationship now. Do you have a story to share with our community? PM me! https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/herpes-talk-friends
  5. Hi @Gypsy86! Great question. This is one with a lot of confusion around it. The full term is "asymptomatic viral shedding" which means there can be literally no signs or symptoms at all and small amounts of virus can be shed from the original site of infection. There's unfortunately not a way of knowing when this shedding is happening, but there have been studies that swabbed a known outbreak zone of herpes-infected people daily over the course of a year, and they have determined the rates of shedding of HSV-1 or HSV-2 whether on the genitals or mouth. Different shedding rates per different zone/strain. For more details about the shedding rates, you can grab the free handouts that come with the e-book and see the % breakdowns: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/lp/ebook And to your question specifically, after an outbreak and after the scab has fallen off and you have new skin there, I've always heard it *should* be safe to engage in sexual activity (note: I'm not a doctor!). However, I've always played it super safe with my partners and waited at least a week after the scab has fallen off before any hanky panky. But if you're boyfriend is in the process of getting tested and you find he already has the same strain of herpes as you, then he will have more natural immunity (antibodies) that will protect him that much more. So I would just wait until getting the test results back so you're better able to make informed, data-driven decisions together.
  6. "No amount of guilt will change the past, just as no amount of anxiety will change the future." — Umar Ibn al-Khattab
  7. This is great, @Flowerteacher55! I PM'd you an outline that I've used for the monthly herpes support group I used to run at Planned Parenthood.
  8. Hi @Sumshine! Hm, perhaps you're just looking at one category instead of all? Just go to the main page and you can see the most recent topics in all categories: https://forums.herpesopportunity.com
  9. Hi and welcome! What you're referring to is auto-inoculation. In the first year or so of having herpes, your body is building up natural immunity (antibodies); so you could potentially pass herpes to other parts of your body if you touch an active sore and then touch another part of your body with mucous membrane or a cut in your skin that would more easily allow the virus to enter. But if you follow simple precautions like washing your hands after touching a herpes outbreak, you'll be fine. Herpes doesn't just spread to other parts of your body out of the blue without being transferred by touching an outbreak. Sometimes outbreaks can show up in other locations close to your initial site of infection because the virus might take an alternate branch in your nerves as it travels to the surface of your skin, but that's not considered auto-inoculation. Here's more to read up on: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/how-can-you-get-herpes
  10. Hi Southpaw! I'm off to dinner, so don't have a lot of time, but that's a great question and I wanted to make sure you get an answer! And the answer isn't in the number of dates you go on, but in asking yourself the question "Do I trust this person with my vulnerability?" If you don't trust them, then either stop seeing them or wait until you do. From there, it's about sharing with them about what you appreciate about them (that brought about this trust) and saying you have something important to talk about, and see if they're open to having a conversation. From there, tell them you have herpes. Then ask them immediately after "What do you know about it?" Their answer to that will tell you whether you need to go into education mode (the handouts that come with the free e-book are a great overview for that) or whether they already know about it.
  11. Welcome! We’ve all been there. Including thinking there’s no hope, but that line of thinking is all bullhonkey (excuse my french). These thoughts you listed off are actually super common, but it doesn’t mean they’re true. (My favorite bumper sticker: “Don’t believe everything you think!”) If anything, having herpes filters out the riffraff in the shallow end of the pool and gets right to the depth of relationship, the vulnerability, the true connection ... which is what we’re all after anyway. Give yourself some time to recoup, but don’t let that stinkin’ thinkin’ be the barrier to you finding what you want and deserve. And as far as positive disclosure stories go? Here’s around 2.4K of them: https://forums.herpesopportunity.com/?forumId=9
  12. Hi @Mtnandwaves, That's going to be a hard question to give a definitive answer on, unfortunately. It's possible that the sex itself was what triggered the outbreak to come on the following day (friction and all), so perhaps you weren't having the active outbreak during actual penetration. 🤞 When you disclosed to him, did you find out if he has been tested for herpes already so at least he knows his baseline status? If he did contract herpes last night, then blood tests won't pick it up for another few months (takes a while before antibodies reach detectable levels), but if any sort of rash or blisters appear, those can be swabbed and tested immediately via PCR. How has the relationship been progressing up to this point? How long have you been seeing each other?
  13. There are 2 reasons to take medication: To keep a partner who doesn't have herpes safe and/or to keep unmanageable outbreaks under control. Here's an article with more details: https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/herpes-medication And for the first year, your body is getting things under control, building up antibodies, then for the majority of folks, outbreaks get less and less frequent/intense. What I did myself was just ride it out (without daily suppressive meds) so I could see what "normal" outbreaks would be like as a baseline, but it's a personal decision for everyone. If you were to ride it out, then worst case scenario (if outbreaks are too frequent and/or too severe) you could always go back on meds, especially in this first year to give your body some extra support. But regardless, just know that these outbreaks that show up in your first year aren't going to be representative of how your body will handle outbreaks for the rest of your life — or even in the very near future! Hang in there! We've all been through it. It gets so much better.
  14. Yes! This is great, T. Enjoy that sweet sweet dance. 😆 Thanks for sharing and welcome!
  15. This. This is so good! Here's to your courage. And for accepting yourself enough for someone else to see you and accept you, too. And regardless of whether he said yes or no, it's a win. Success is that you even did it. Getting to acceptance is icing on the cake. 😉 Good job. And good on you for noticing your defense mechanisms coming up, too. When we can notice, then we have more choice. Making the unconscious more conscious takes more power away from our patterns that don't really serve us. Defense mechanisms certainly do a great job keeping us safe, but they also keep us disconnected. Definitely watch that with a vigilant eye! 👊
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