greydaysandbrighternights
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Posts posted by greydaysandbrighternights
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So. I’ve had my struggles in the last 2 years or so. It really hasn’t been easy as many of you will already know. It’s been bloody hard at times and I hit my rock bottom for a good 18 months.
I struggled with my diagnosis. I struggled to get my healthcare and mental struggle with it to be taken seriously by my GP etc. They still don’t understand the impact it’s had on my life.
anyway, 2 years after diagnosis and a terrible depression, also vowing to stay single forever more ( I’m 43), I met a potential partner. Disclosure wasn’t an immediate issue as we were in lockdown due to Covid. We talked for months from a distance. All the while I had a distinct disappointment and disgust in myself for lying about my diagnosis. Albeit by omission. But eventually, the time came to face it. I travelled hundreds of miles feeling sick to my stomach at what could possibly unfold. I knew that at some point, I would have to be honest. It’s one of the most stressful things I’ve ever had to do and I felt completely vulnerable. And! I worried that the stress would bring on an a outbreak.
I needn’t have worried. He disclosed his own oral hsv. And then went on to confess that he had unknowingly passed it on to an ex partner during oral sex. He was very remorseful and BRAVE. I seized the opportunity with both hands and disclosed. He was more concerned about my contracting his GHSV 1 than his contacting my GHSV 2.
And so, as a result, my diagnosis has already lost a lot of its significance. And power over me. I’ll always be grateful to him for that.I will offer this as advice:
- If you can, and it’s right for you, please, please get on anti virals. I take acyclovir twice a day. For the first year and a half, without antivirals, I had an outbreak a month. It made me totally miserable and was a constant reminder. In the 5 months that I’ve been taking acyclovir, I’ve had not one outbreak. No prodromes. Nothing. They made me feel a little unwell for about 6 weeks admittedly, but this did pass and now I have no side effects at all. My body just needed time to adjust. I keep them in a vitamin bottle and nobody notices any different. Not even me any more. I forget I have the virus most days. If you have many/ troublesome outbreaks, it really does make all the difference. And it gives me peace of mind that I’m doing all I can to protect my partner. There is always a possibility that you could transmit the virus but honestly, if you’re sensible and take the precautions, it’s a very small percentage. I will review the acyclovir in a year but stay on them indefinitely if needed.
- secondly. I have been very fortunate with my partners reaction. I know that. It is our duty to disclose as decent, caring human beings and it’s so so scary. but it’s important to remember how very common this virus is. I know it’s little consolation, especially to those newly diagnosed but you can live with this in peace and acceptance, in time. Just give it time. You have the strength within you to move forward. I promise. Life does go on.
To Adrial. Thank you. For your invaluable words of encouragement and your sympathy. For giving me a safe haven on this site when I had nowhere else to turn, and for sharing your own experience and your willingness to help others and end the stigma. You’re wonderful and I appreciate you.
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On 7/19/2020 at 10:01 PM, LoveTheMountains said:
Hi there, so I usually disclose somewhere from date 2 to 3 depending on how its going, how I feel about the person (date 4 if I'm really needing to figure out what I think of this person). It is important to me to see if I feel I can trust the person enough to disclose but also do I even like them?? Its not just about them accepting me, its whether I like them enough to want to spend the time/energy having the talk. I've never had a person get upset that I didn't tell them in advance of meeting (not that it can't happen). I think many/most reasonable people understand why a person would wait a little bit before disclosing. With that said I also don't want to waste anyone's time if it might be a deal breaker so I do believe in doing it sooner rather than later. I did have one situation where I met someone who was on vacation in my town and we had a whirlwind weeklong romance (dating, site seeing, not sexual) and really connected and I was always under the impression it would not be more and I'd never see him again. Then he left and asked to keep in touch and we had a 2 month separation due to his job before we could physically see each other again. That one was hard to decide how to disclose, for me it was way too soon to disclose as I barely met him, however we became very close during the long distance part so I was riddled with internal guilt for waiting until we saw each other again (more guilt compounded by the fact that he was flying me out to his state to see him). But I knew I wanted this to be an in person conversation and I mentally prepared myself for him to be angry for "investing" the emotional time getting to know me. I also was prepared to pay him for the flight he purchased in case it went really bad. It all went amazing and he ended up telling me he felt like it was a "near miss"; that it scared him to think that I might have just backed out of the whole thing and ended the relationship instead of risking flying out to see him and have the conversation
On 7/19/2020 at 10:01 PM, LoveTheMountains said:Hi there, so I usually disclose somewhere from date 2 to 3 depending on how its going, how I feel about the person (date 4 if I'm really needing to figure out what I think of this person). It is important to me to see if I feel I can trust the person enough to disclose but also do I even like them?? Its not just about them accepting me, its whether I like them enough to want to spend the time/energy having the talk. I've never had a person get upset that I didn't tell them in advance of meeting (not that it can't happen). I think many/most reasonable people understand why a person would wait a little bit before disclosing. With that said I also don't want to waste anyone's time if it might be a deal breaker so I do believe in doing it sooner rather than later. I did have one situation where I met someone who was on vacation in my town and we had a whirlwind weeklong romance (dating, site seeing, not sexual) and really connected and I was always under the impression it would not be more and I'd never see him again. Then he left and asked to keep in touch and we had a 2 month separation due to his job before we could physically see each other again. That one was hard to decide how to disclose, for me it was way too soon to disclose as I barely met him, however we became very close during the long distance part so I was riddled with internal guilt for waiting until we saw each other again (more guilt compounded by the fact that he was flying me out to his state to see him). But I knew I wanted this to be an in person conversation and I mentally prepared myself for him to be angry for "investing" the emotional time getting to know me. I also was prepared to pay him for the flight he purchased in case it went really bad. It all went amazing and he ended up telling me he felt like it was a "near miss"; that it scared him to think that I might have just backed out of the whole thing and ended the relationship instead of risking flying out to see him and have the conversation.
Thank you
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I too have been in the mindset of not wanting to even try to bother dating. And I’m nowhere near self acceptance either. But somehow, it’s found me anyways. Someone lovely has shown up out of the blue and I’m having a wobble about it all and struggling with the reality of my situation. But I’ve had some great advice on this forum. I’ve allowed my diagnosis to control my life for 2 years and the only way to take that control back is to be brave, strong and move forward with my life. If I don’t do it now, I fear I never will.
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Ok. I’ll give turmeric a go. Thanks for the tip.
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On 6/28/2020 at 7:45 AM, greydaysandbrighternights said:
I have a typical story to tell. I’m a woman in my early 40’s, caught HSV2 in August 2018.. I’m so tired of how this virus is affecting my life but I accept responsibility for my own naivety. I hold no judgment toward anyone. It is after all, a very common condition but, accept that I will always be judged for my diagnosis. Always. I’ve only ever disclosed to my daughter and after going away to think about it, her reaction was terrible and cruel. And I was shocked when she told me that she felt people with STD’s were irresponsible and deserved it. I’ve lost interest in every aspect of living for two years. It’s been awful. And one hell of a rocky road. And I came to accept that I would probably be alone for the rest of my life rather than tell anyone about this... but now I’ve met someone. Someone true and lovely. And I’m just really interested in him. Much older. Much wiser. I know I’ll have to tell him soon. That I have a life long sexually transmitted disease.. oh my heart.
I thought it would be ok. Even though I’ve tolerated the outbreaks, you know what? The outbreaks aren’t even a problem. It’s the constant feeling of shame and regret. I’ve been on suppressive anti virals for about 3 weeks. I feel totally nauseous at times and I’m sweating constantly but my vagina feels the most normal that it has in two years. So, I should be happy, Right? Despite the side effects, it’s worth it? I don’t know. Because like most people, I’ve scoured the internet for information on keeping a sexual partner protected. And from what I’ve read, even if I’m super aware of my symptoms and abstain from sex, even if I continue to take a drug that makes me absolutely sick and not be able to eat, every 12 hours forever, even if we have to use condoms and lose the spontaneity and intimacy that is afforded to others not afflicted with this disease, even if I pour my heart out and tell someone who I can never know can be trusted with my vulnerability, and by some miracle, he accepts the risk, I cannot keep him safe from it. At all. I read today “ in discordant relationships, where one partner has HSV2 and one doesn’t, at some point the negative partner will ultimately catch the virus.” I can’t live with doing that to another person. What’s the point in even trying if I’m going to infect someone I love with something incurable despite all of my best efforts? And now I have to make up some imaginary excuse to walk away from him without him thinking it’s his fault. Life is truly unfair sometimes.5 hours ago, mr_hopp said:Oh sister, I feel your aching heart. I get it. It all seems like it's pointless to keep trying based on your perspective. But hang on here ... a lot of what you're thinking is based on the unfair stigma out there. It's just not true (although it may feel like it is). Hang in there with me, okay?
You are so right in what you said: The outbreaks aren't the biggest deal here. It's the feelings of shame and regret. This is so, so common for the vast majority of people with herpes. And you know you can shift those feelings by shifting your perspective, right? This is precisely where you take your power back. So, so important.
When you disclose to the right man for you, he will see You and all the positive qualities that you are showing him through disclosing: Your integrity, your willingness to be courageous even in the face of pain and shame, your honesty, your desire for depth and meaning in relationship. If someone isn't a good fit for you or just isn't ready for a deeper relationship, he won't see all those deeper qualities. He will hear "herpes" and run for the hills. Your man will see You. This is so important to realize. That herpes can act as a great filter if you make it so. And when a man is ready for a deeper relationship, a little skin condition won't hold him back from diving into exploration with you. I promise. I've seen it time and time again. In fact, it's the norm when you shift your perspective away from shame and into Opportunity.
And about that quote? It's misleading, too. It's not as easy to transmit herpes as you may think. Now, this doesn't mean you don't still take it seriously, disclose to partners, protect them and keep them as safe as possible. All of that is still vital. But don't feel like a walking disease that will infect anything and anybody you touch. (I felt that way when I first got it, too, so I know how you feel! But now it's my responsibility to call BS when I see it.) 😉 If you abstain from sex during outbreaks and you wear condoms, there is a 2% chance per year that a man will contract herpes from you. (Down to 1% if you throw in daily suppressive therapy, but considering your body's reaction to it, it's understandable why you'd consider stopping it.) I've been with my wife for 6+ years and she hasn't gotten herpes yet (and transmitting herpes to women is over 2x as likely as transmitting to men). We even stopped using condoms pretty soon in (which is why we have a 3 year old now!). We aren't paranoid about it; we're careful. We keep an open dialogue about it, especially if I feel anything close to a prodrome symptom kicking in. And even when I'm having an outbreak, we can still get creative and explore sensuality in different ways. Being playful around it helps immensely.
Which brings me to the final thing here: If your partner ends up getting herpes, it's not the end of their life either. In fact, they're actually much less likely to have a negative reaction about it because they were empowered to make the decision themselves whether to take the risk or not. They were disclosed to and they decided to take the risk because all of your positive qualities overshadowed the potential of getting an annoying skin rash. So many people tend to assume that how other people will perceive getting herpes will be the same as how they perceive it. For example, I got herpes from my ex cheating on my with her ex-boyfriend over holiday. Because of that, I had a few layers of not-so-nice feelings to sort through about herpes! 😂 But if my wife ever ends up getting herpes (which neither of us wants, of course!), she certainly won't have that kind of extra baggage that I did. When a partner gets herpes in a loving and honest relationship, it comes wrapped in a different perspective. Again, be careful, but don't be paranoid. Paranoia disconnects and keeps you in your head. Being full of care for your partner connects you.
Here are some videos to watch STAT to start shifting your perspective to the positive:
- https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/herpes-facts
- https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/sexual-shame-rewriting-your-narrative
- https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/herpes-and-self-acceptance
- https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/herpes-rejection-as-a-relationship-filter
- https://www.herpesopportunity.com/post/herpes-talk-how-to-never-feel-rejected
P.S. What a slap-in-the-face reaction from your daughter! Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. No one deserves to be treated that way, especially a mother by her daughter. Callous. She's misguided about what herpes means. Don't let her perspective infect how you see yourself. Your resilience here will be a powerful response to how she treated you. You get to treat you in the way you deserve to be treated.
thank you. I so appreciate you taking the time to reply. It means a great deal and I’ve saved it for future reassurance.
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I have a typical story to tell.
I’m a woman in my early 40’s, caught HSV2 in August 2018. I’m so tired of how this virus is affecting my life but I accept responsibility for my own naivety. I hold no judgment toward anyone. It is after all, a very common condition but, accept that I will always be judged for my diagnosis. Always. I’ve only ever disclosed to my daughter and after going away to think about it, her reaction was terrible and cruel. And I was shocked when she told me that she felt people with STDs were irresponsible and deserved it. I’ve lost interest in every aspect of living for two years. It’s been awful. And one hell of a rocky road.
And I came to accept that I would probably be alone for the rest of my life rather than tell anyone about this... but now I’ve met someone. Someone true and lovely. And I’m just really interested in him. Much older. Much wiser. I know I’ll have to tell him soon. That I have a lifelong sexually transmitted disease ... oh my heart.
I thought it would be ok. Even though I’ve tolerated the outbreaks, you know what? The outbreaks aren’t even a problem. It’s the constant feeling of shame and regret. I’ve been on suppressive antivirals for about 3 weeks. I feel totally nauseous at times and I’m sweating constantly but my vagina feels the most normal that it has in two years. So, I should be happy, right? Despite the side effects, it’s worth it? I don’t know. Because like most people, I’ve scoured the internet for information on keeping a sexual partner protected. And from what I’ve read, even if I’m super aware of my symptoms and abstain from sex during outbreaks, even if I continue to take a drug that makes me absolutely sick and not be able to eat, every 12 hours forever, even if we have to use condoms and lose the spontaneity and intimacy that is afforded to others not afflicted with this disease, even if I pour my heart out and tell someone who I can never know can be trusted with my vulnerability, and by some miracle, he accepts the risk, I cannot keep him safe from it. At all.
I read today “ in discordant relationships, where one partner has HSV2 and one doesn’t, at some point the negative partner will ultimately catch the virus.” I can’t live with doing that to another person. What’s the point in even trying if I’m going to infect someone I love with something incurable despite all of my best efforts? And now I have to make up some imaginary excuse to walk away from him without him thinking it’s his fault. Life is truly unfair sometimes.
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7 minutes ago, greydaysandbrighternights said:
That’s so good to know. I’ve had HSV2 for nearly 2 years and have battled awful depression because of it. I was finally coming to accept it as part of me and find some peace but now, out of the blue, I’ve met someone really wonderful. Due to Coronavirus,we’ve spent months getting to know each other but it also means that I haven’t had the opportunity to decide when and if I should disclose. ( I say if because we may well not even get on in person). But the longer this goes on, the more I feel as though I’m lying to him. But this is a huge deal for me. It’ll be my disclosure and involved in my own mental battle here. I’ve Just started suppressive anti virals but despite the transmission percentages, risk still exists and I just don’t know if I can do that to him even if by some miracle he does accept me. And so into that dark depression I go once more. I’m bloody terrified.
but it is good to know that it works out for some people.That should have read first disclosure.
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On 6/9/2020 at 3:11 AM, 100918 said:
I am HSV2+ and I met my SO on a dating app. We talked for about 2 weeks before we met. I told him on our first date. I wanted him to meet me in person before I decided if I thought he had potential and was worth telling, even though based on our phone conversations, I pretty much already knew he was worth it. I was terrified, but he immediately accepted me, told me that it was nothing, and we have been together for almost a year and a half now.
That’s so good to know. I’ve had HSV2 for nearly 2 years and have battled awful depression because of it. I was finally coming to accept it as part of me and find some peace but now, out of the blue, I’ve met someone really wonderful. Due to Coronavirus,we’ve spent months getting to know each other but it also means that I haven’t had the opportunity to decide when and if I should disclose. ( I say if because we may well not even get on in person). But the longer this goes on, the more I feel as though I’m lying to him. But this is a huge deal for me. It’ll be my disclosure and involved in my own mental battle here. I’ve Just started suppressive anti virals but despite the transmission percentages, risk still exists and I just don’t know if I can do that to him even if by some miracle he does accept me. And so into that dark depression I go once more. I’m bloody terrified.
but it is good to know that it works out for some people. -
Ok, this isn’t an easy one to answer. If you insisted he use a condom but he didn’t, then yes I can understand you feel violated.. what you choose to do about it now is up to you but there is no way of knowing you contracted it from him unless you have an HSV blood test now that can possibly determine a new infection but even then, you said there has been others. HSV can lie undetected ( dormant) for weeks, months or even years. A partner could have given it to you years ago and only now has it chosen to activate. A blood test can sometimes be a clear indicator of a new or old infection. I can understand it’s difficult for you both. It’s normal for your boyfriend and you to feel regretful and angry whilst you cone to terms with the diagnosis. But if you both went for the HSV blood test, you could find out where you both stand and whether your partner is already infected or not. If not, then there are medications and easy steps to prevent passing it to him, if he tests positive as you have, then things become a little easier. It is not a death sentence. Many of us actually do live our bests lives with this virus. It’s a virus, it’s not a disease.it isn’t the end of the world even if it sometimes feels like it and trust me when I say I’ve had my days!
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On 2/12/2020 at 6:38 AM, IJDK said:
Its not as easy as ppl make it seem they spit facts at you. You read and do your research but doesn't help with the pain of the outbreak. The discomfort. The fact that you have it. I try not live a normal life then boom outbreak constant reminder that this is my life.
Same
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On 2/25/2020 at 2:47 AM, akirn said:
Hi! This is very interesting to read, as I have been looking to relocate to the UK, but have HSV-2 and am worried about getting antivirals. It's a bit daunting to read that they seem to be hard to come by! I did some snooping the other day and also came across sites to by it online. It's also interesting to hear the info your nurses gave you; do you think the stigma in the UK is lesser than that in the U.S. from what you've seen? I'm genuinely curious, as I'm in a long distance relationship with a Brit and dreading telling him!
Hi, akirn.
it’s just a case of finding a good doctor with reasonable knowledge of HSV in the U.K. I think. They do exist, you just have to find one.
honestly, judging by social media, I think the stigma is the same here as the U.S. but then I’ve not been brave enough to disclose to anyone to give you my personal experience. But I hope it goes well for you in your relationship. Be strong. x
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19 hours ago, SAS1991 said:
Finally somewhere I can hopefully find answers?
Im 28yo and I am a chronic coldsore (mouth) sufferer
About 6 weeks ago I was diagnosed with HSV1 and my world has crashed ever since.
I originally thought it was a spot or sore due to working out a lot, suddenly I had swollen lymph noids, a fever and intense pain. I went to a OOH clinic (im in the uk) and because I had a Ingrown hair i was put on antibiotics and thought nothing of it.
A few days later I went to my GP as my whole area down below was red raw and so so sore. She thought it was dermatitis but swabbed anyway - I get a phone call on a Friday telling me I had genital herpes but not to worry as it is literally only a coldsore and to use Zovirax cream on it. I spent the whole weekend in turmoil, using this cream which burned like hell and crying as I was going on a two week holiday in a few days. I went back to the GP on the Monday as I was such a state and was given Aciclovir (1 tablet 5 times a day) I took these on my holiday and the sore (might I add I didn’t have blisters it was literally one sore) went down but I still suffered with redness and irritation.
After my two week holiday I came home and on the evening I had sex with my partner and I found myself to be dry and had a few tears come up around the opening down there, I also had massive cold sores appear on both my cheeks of my face. the cuts below seemed to be inflamed so I went back to the GP who wasn’t sure? If they were ulcerous or not so prescribed another course of 1 tablet for 5 days.
fast forward to today and I have finished my course of tablets, I have 0 sores but my whole area is red and intensely itchy. I have been using Vagisil to help the itching and irritation as my doctor suggested but it doesn’t always help.
Is this itching after common?
Do I just need to give myself time to completely get over this outbreak?
I am terrified if I have sex again the cuts will form and I will have an OB.
Any advice would be amazing.
Thanks xx
Also, hot baths with salt ( table/sea) eases pain and itching. And I swear by Sudocreme straight from the fridge when I have a sore/sores.
xx
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19 hours ago, SAS1991 said:
Finally somewhere I can hopefully find answers?
Im 28yo and I am a chronic coldsore (mouth) sufferer
About 6 weeks ago I was diagnosed with HSV1 and my world has crashed ever since.
I originally thought it was a spot or sore due to working out a lot, suddenly I had swollen lymph noids, a fever and intense pain. I went to a OOH clinic (im in the uk) and because I had a Ingrown hair i was put on antibiotics and thought nothing of it.
A few days later I went to my GP as my whole area down below was red raw and so so sore. She thought it was dermatitis but swabbed anyway - I get a phone call on a Friday telling me I had genital herpes but not to worry as it is literally only a coldsore and to use Zovirax cream on it. I spent the whole weekend in turmoil, using this cream which burned like hell and crying as I was going on a two week holiday in a few days. I went back to the GP on the Monday as I was such a state and was given Aciclovir (1 tablet 5 times a day) I took these on my holiday and the sore (might I add I didn’t have blisters it was literally one sore) went down but I still suffered with redness and irritation.
After my two week holiday I came home and on the evening I had sex with my partner and I found myself to be dry and had a few tears come up around the opening down there, I also had massive cold sores appear on both my cheeks of my face. the cuts below seemed to be inflamed so I went back to the GP who wasn’t sure? If they were ulcerous or not so prescribed another course of 1 tablet for 5 days.
fast forward to today and I have finished my course of tablets, I have 0 sores but my whole area is red and intensely itchy. I have been using Vagisil to help the itching and irritation as my doctor suggested but it doesn’t always help.
Is this itching after common?
Do I just need to give myself time to completely get over this outbreak?
I am terrified if I have sex again the cuts will form and I will have an OB.
Any advice would be amazing.
Thanks xx
Hi SAS1991,
firstly, you will be ok. You need time to come to terms with your new situation, and that in itself can take a bit of time. Be kind to yourself and know that you are not alone. I’ve had HSV for nearly two years and as I write this, I’m in the middle of my second OB in two months. ( I’m under a bit of stress atm).
I’m in the U.K. too and your initial outbreak sounds identical to mine. One sore, fever, swollen nodes in my groin, but the irritation and discomfort was much more widespread and took a good few weeks to settle completely after the OB. I too used vagisil a lot in those early days. The itching is, in my experience, very common after an OB has healed.
it’s impossible to say how the virus will affect you as no two people react the same to it and it can and does have a mind of it’s own sometimes. Time will tell how your body handles it. It’s completely normal to be paranoid about sex causing another OB ( as was I) but a good tip is lots of lube as friction and irritation are known to trigger outbreaks, especially in those early days. Lube,lube and lots of lube. If you get many or particularly troublesome OB’s and symptoms, you can discuss taking acyclovir as a preventative measure with your GP or SH clinic and see how you go.
xx
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On 3/1/2020 at 10:08 PM, tahtib said:
My outbreaks are always in different locations. I never have fever or any other symptoms, just the pain and the blisters. They have not become any milder in the 35 years that I've had them. In fact, the last two outbreaks were very different from any I've had before. 2 months ago, I had 3 sores, one right after the other, where the first didn't fully heal before the second one erupted. This month, I have 4 sores all at the same time! What the hell is going on???
I wish I had the answer but I don’t. The same thing is happening to me. I’m on my 3rd OB in a month and It’s very frustrating not to mention painful. I honestly don’t think that there’s a straightforward answer. I’m starting to believe that It’s all down to genetics as to how we handle a virus that has a mind if it’s own!
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Mine are always different. First OB was mild. One sore with flu like symptoms and swollen node that just faded away within a week. No scabs. Second was terrible. No feeling of illness but mass of sores that scabbed in a different area and took weeks and weeks to heal. I’ve had several since then and all have been relatively small outbreaks and all in the genital area but a different location. Sometimes the inner labia is affected, sometimes the outer labia and it changes sides at will. This OB after my first 18mnths ago, is quite severe and probably the most painful yet with a general feeling of illness and a swollen node again. But in fairness, Ive never been so stressed as I am now. I don’t think my OB’s are ever gonna follow the norm by the looks of it.
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I’m late to this but I’m also in the U.K. my nurse couldn’t have cared less and made me feel as though I was taking up her precious time. it’s so hard to get any meds, that I buy mine online. And it’s not cheap is it. I can’t afford it as a suppressive therapy but I like to have some on hand to head an outbreak off if I can.
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I’m late to this post but I always try and add my own experiences in case someone is looking for answers.
I’ve had HSV2 for around 18 months. I’ve had several occurrences with varying degrees of severity. Sometimes I get swollen, painful lymph glands in my groin with the OB. Sometimes I don’t. But from my experience, it’s certainly not something that only happens with a primary outbreak. I have an ob now and my gland in my groin is very large and tender and this is about my 8th. -
So. My story is long and complex as is everyone’s here. But lately, I’m trying so hard to focus on self help rather than self pity and in doing so, I’ve come across studies of aspirin having a significant effect on herpetic recurrence. Apparently, people who take a small dose of aspirin every day, have significantly less or no OB’s for the duration. I am not in any way in favour of people doing so without the advice of their GP because long term aspirin use carries significant health risks of its own. Does anyone have any thoughts or personal experience?
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5 hours ago, mr_hopp said:
Oof, so sorry it's so frustrating! 😤Have you gone to your doctor (or even the free clinic) to get it checked out by a medical professional? If you've been taking care of it and keeping the outbreak clean, it's probably okay, but just to allay your concerns, it doesn't hurt to get another pair of professional eyes on it. Itching is common for a lot of folks, especially as the outbreak starts the healing process of drying out and creating a scab.
Thank you for your reply. I cannot face the humiliation of visiting my GP again. I had a terrible experience both times that I went there for help. ( I am currently in the muddle of a house move so I will change doctors very soon and try again) and it would be terribly difficult but not impossible for me to visit a clinic ( I am a full time carer and It is difficult to find the free time that coincides with clinic and waiting times) so I’d rather not unless I absolutely must. The itching has completely subsided and has given way to the pain of an open ulcer/ulcers. It would seem that extreme itching may well be my prodrome. I suppose it’s still relatively early days for me and I’m still trying to learn about my H.
could I ask you one question? Do you believe OB’s can be triggered by stress?
many thanks for your help.
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So, I was diagnosed with GHSV in August ‘18. Second outbreak 5months later was the worst ( probably because I had a severe illness), and have had sporadic but comparatively milder outbreaks since then.
fast forward to now, and I am under incredible stress and pressure at the moment. I have several big problems not least being a single mother and in the middle of a house move. I have Unsurprisingly developed a really big OB very similar to my second. Very uncomfortable and sore and I’m feeling a bit run down and very tired but MY GOD! What is this itching on and near the OB?? It’s driving me seriously nuts and I never had itching like this before. It’s intense and constant. Can somebody please tell me this doesn’t mean the OB is infected. I’ve been keeping it very clean and treating with antiseptic. Is this normal or what? I can’t take it!
thanks in advance x -
On 2/13/2020 at 5:14 AM, TheCat said:
You have NOT made me feel worse, you have made me feel less alone. And I feel DEEP empathy for you. If it weren't for my basic needs going unmet and knowing that I need to hang on for those in my life, I wouldn't still be trying to find a mate. I've been living with genital herpes for 14 years, and I've had plenty of dates, plenty of sex (so much good sex!!!), two marriages, and two babies all during that time. It is so incredibly possible to have a normal life with herpes. Lots of people don't really care. Some other people even have it. I actually didn't really have a hard time with disclosing it until more recently when I got pickier about men. I need a deeper emotional and mental connection now before I'll even think about sleeping with someone. So, things have gotten a lot more lonely lately. That's all.
Here's how I usually think of it: I didn't choose to have herpes, but assholes choose to be assholes. I'd rather have an innocuous skin condition than a character defect. Because one of those things I didn't ask for and I can't change, and the other is an absolute choice. This is the lowest low I've ever experienced surrounding this issue in my life, and I'm already feeling better. What changes is never the world around me, but instead it's always my thinking. Sometimes my thinking is very narrow and dark. It gets that way when I'm exhausted, overextended, not having my needs met, stressed, etc. etc.
It is very, VERY important that we be able to talk about our depression freely and openly, no matter how deep and dark it is. It's when we're forced into hiding that things get dangerous, because people feel ashamed and feel that they can't say what they need to. That's when they take drastic measures in seek of relief. So I'm so very glad that you commented on my post. You have no idea. I was starting to get bummed out that no one was saying anything. I was contemplating deleting my post and my account. I want you to go get the things that you need and want in life. Now!!!! ❤️
Thank you for replying. I’m so low at the moment. I don’t know where to turn. Since my first post about having only small outbreaks, I’ve developed a big one that’s very painful and I think it’s making me feel like crap in general but I may be just overly sensitive. I am moving house at the moment along with some other problems that have probably brought it on but I’m pretty self aware. I honestly don’t know why I can’t get a grip on this and make progress with it.
again, thanks for taking the time to talk. It means a lot. -
Yes. I get both too and have done only since HSV diagnosis.
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On 8/20/2019 at 6:40 PM, DNC84 said:
I can totally identify with what you’re going through. I haven’t dated much in the past 5 years for fear of having to disclose when things got to a certain point.
I finally decided I would try online dating. I had been talking with a new guy for a month, day in and day out, we went on a few dates which went very well. He was clearly very into me, messaging me good morning each day, calling me “cutie”, just really sweet. I was really into him as well. Then I decided to disclose to him I was hsv2 positive and he ran for the hills. Completely ghosted me.
It’s evident he was not emotionally available and that is not what I am looking for however it’s hard to know that if I didn’t have this, we would still be dating. I try to remind myself that everything happens for a reason and he’s just not the right one or apparently even the person I had thought. However it’s a tough pill to swallow to go from being so desirable to someone to being absolutely revolting. That’s what I hate about having this. The rejection totally sucks.
Then when I work up the nerve to start dating again, I’m already anticipating the rejection or the up in the air of not knowing how they will react. Am I going to waste another month or two getting to know someone before they straight up reject me? I know it’s not the best way to look at it and I try and keep positive but it’s just the reality of the situation.
I wish I did not have this. I know it doesn’t define me however it does to a lot of people and that totally sucks. I don’t feel like a victim it’s just tough to deal with sometimes.
I build my confidence up time and time again and keep getting rejected. I’m human, I can only take so much before I want to just throw in the towel. Sometimes I think I just have to accept the fact that I’m just going to be alone for the rest of my life. If you get burned by a stove you don’t keep putting your hand on the stove. That’s how I feel about dating lately. I keep getting burned and I don’t want to get burned anymore.
I will continue to work and focus on myself and maybe at some point the right guy will come along but I’m putting myself on the bench for awhile to try and come back from another rejection.
I suppose it’s all in your attitude and how you feel about yourself and the situation and how you relay it but it’s very hard to not feel like a total piece of crap when you keep getting thrown away for a freaking skin rash. My life is great in all areas of my life...aside from having to disclose this information when dating. It’s the only thing in my life that is stalled and not progressing.
At this point I’m venting, I don’t have the answers but I figured I’d at least start finding other people who are going through the same things and maybe get some help for myself because it’s clear what I’m doing isn’t working.
Thanks for listening and reading.
Such an open and honest account. Positivity is great! and sometimes very uplifting.... but it’s not day to day reality is it. Good for you for being brave enough to try and date even though it didn’t work out and for sharing your story even though it’s not shrouded in inspirational quotes and a testimony about how wonderful life is with an incurable virus! I’m not even brave enough to consider trying and I know I never will. A long standing romantic interest has become available and shown more than mutual interest after nearly 20 years. I have run for the hills and sacrificed a friendship rather than disclose! 20 years of wanting it and now it’s been taken away from me. By a virus. And my unwillingness to risk being judged unfairly.
it is just a sometimes uncomfortable skin rash. That fact makes me really sad. The virus doesn’t have many real significant health risks and yet mentally, it’s the most destructive thing I’ve ever faced. All because of stigma.
a harsh but true reality for us.
thanks for taking the time to post. It will make people feel less alone in the reality of how they really feel. x
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Sad..
in My herpes story
Posted
Hi maya. Firstly. In fairness, he may not have known he had HSV. But now he’s been made aware, he should really get tested. You can read almost anywhere that It can be symptomless. More so in men. Not always. But it’s more likely to show less severe symptoms or be thought of as something else in men. Secondly, you are carrying a simple virus, like millions of us around the world. You’re not alone. There are many of us. It can be a struggle when you first find out but you can and you will move forward. it just takes a bit of time. It’s a virus that will stay with you forever , and that’s hard to deal with at first but it is manageable and treatable and it really isn’t life threatening. Herpes exists in over 80 percent of the population in some form. some orally, some genitally. Some both.
taking anti virals is always an option if your outbreaks are many or troublesome. They work. You just need to seek healthcare. And always being honest with your partner as you have done, is the right thing to do but you can and will still lead a normal and happy life. Only you’ll now live it with people who accept you for all that you are. Because in the end, you’re still you. Beautiful, unique and human. With a virus that many of us share.
x