greydaysandbrighternights
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Posts posted by greydaysandbrighternights
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It’s possible but it’s possible that it’s other things too. Nobody other than a qualified medic who has tested you can tell you that it’s definitely GH. Go to a sexual health clinic and put your mind at rest.
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We have to find a way to go on. Somehow. I just don’t know how.im in awe of you for even facing “ the talk” in the first place. I’m a coward! I was diagnosed 11th August 2018. And it has absolutely ruined my life. I am resigned to being single forever because I refuse to put anyone else at risk without their knowledge and yet I know I’ll never tell a soul so long as I live. My outbreaks are now very few compared to the first year. I get one only now when I have an illness. Particularly a cold. That’s the only time. And it’s one, slightly uncomfortable sore that heals within hours now and not weeks which strengthens my resolve to not use anti virals although, I wish I had the courage sometimes to go to my sexual health clinic and be honest because even a tiny outbreak, takes me into a depression that drags me back down into self loathing and deep regret, but I just can’t. I just can’t find the strength. I’ve lost all interest in everything from my personal appearance to my home and work. I tried counselling but I just couldn’t bring myself to say the words. I just don’t know how to make this bearable. Im a single mum also, to 3 daughters. Two still at home. I know your loneliness and I don’t intend to make you feel worse... just let you know that you are definitely not alone.
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Thank you for your support when I desperately needed it. . It’s been a while. I hope you’re well Xx
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I’m in the UK 40... 😮 ..... something year old. Happy to be friendly . “ Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don’t be afraid.^
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1 hour ago, tiredandlonely said:
It is totally normal to have ups and downs and to get extremely frustrated with this virus. Don't be too hard on yourself.
Depending on where you live, you should be able to get daily antivirals to take as suppressive therapy, so that you don't have to go see your doctor each time you have symptoms.
This may be helpful to you to get your symptoms under control. Even if you don't want to take antivirals daily, you should be able to get a prescription with refills on it so that you don't have to go see your doctor each time you have symptoms.
The first doctor that I saw when I was diagnosed with herpes didn't really take what I was going through seriously. She was really nice and I also didn't want to go through the trauma and shame of telling a new doctor about my condition, so I went to her for several months, but I had symptoms almost the whole time and she was not helpful at getting them under control (she did not prescribe me antivirals).
I didn't have back to back outbreaks like you describe, but I had what felt like nonstop symptoms. Constant burning, itching, inflammation, etc. I was tested for yeast and bacteria and everything was negative and I even had a biopsy of the area (which was insanely painful even with anesthetic). All it showed was inflammation.
It was a mistake for me to stay with that doctor because she really didn't help me, prolonged my discomfort, and in some ways made things worse. When I finally did go to another doctor, I burst into tears in her office when I told her and she said, "okay, let's see what we can do to get you feeling better."
She prescribed me metronidazole because she suspected a bacterial infection that was not showing up on the tests (because they don't test for all strands of bacteria). I was better within a week or two. The new doctor also repeated my blood tests because the old doctor took a long time to send my records. When the blood test confirmed I was HSV-2 positive, she prescribed me antivirals which helped with the prodrome-type symptoms.
I stayed on antivirals because I wanted to give myself a break from having symptoms. I think that what I experienced for the first several months was prodrome symptoms/minor outbreaks that were complicated by a coexisting bacterial infection. It was very uncomfortable and I couldn't even fathom the idea of a sex life when I was feeling that way, so it made me even more depressed because I felt like I had lost a big part of who I was.
Whether or not you decide to go on antivirals long term is a personal choice. I personally found that it helped me process the emotional component of the diagnosis better because I was able to ease the symptoms and it helped me to feel like I was in control again.
That might not be what you choose to do. You can certainly see how your body handles the virus, work on managing your stress, and stay as healthy as possible.
But I hope that you will still look for a doctor who will treat you seriously and with compassion. That doctor might be at a sexual health clinic (where you have no reason to be embarrassed because they see herpes all the time), or maybe another private practice. I know it takes a lot of courage to seek out another medical professional to help you and to open up and tell your story again, but once you find someone who can really help you instead of just brushing you off or making you feel trivial, I think it will help you start to feel more in control and less anxious about things.
I suspect I have BV, which I have read can worsen outbreaks (all the symptoms are there) and I said as much to my gp. I had swabs for bacteria and yeast, results came back that no action was needed. I’m not convinced....
the anti virals have worked well when taken episodically, I have every faith that they would work as a suppressant but I know that I would have to visit the sexual health clinic to access that kind of treatment ( I’m in the UK, and that seems to be how it works). I have no issue going there and have done so many times for contraception etc but bloody herpes...I’m not judgmental in the slightest and its not something that would bother me if someone were to confide in me that they had it. It is after all, for the most part, a common, non life threatening skin condition but it carries a terrible stigma whether we like it or not. I’m a strong person but I do have a tendency to stick my head in the sand. I guess I can’t get away with that this time as i suspect this is subconsciously bothering me more than I like to admit. I have to face the guilt, Shame and regret. Not to mention the self loathing. All normal emotions I would expect but difficult nonetheless. My stress levels are off the scale. Not much can be done about that at present so you’re right. Good treatment is the answer.
I feel I should be making the effort to be more positive as I know reading positive posts on here when I was first diagnosed was a god send. I am trying I promise.
Again. Thank you so much for taking the time to respond. It’s appreciated. 🙂
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I love your positivity. It almost makes me ashamed for letting the virus get to me so much!
i can’t answer a lot of your questions but I can tell you that my first outbreak was the mildest. I did have some fever and a swollen gland in my groin but only one small blister. My second 5 months later, was MUCH worse and lasted much longer and since then, I’ve had regular ob’s that vary in severity. Some don’t even break the surface and disappear and some present with a horrible headache and slight fever again.
I cant say much from experience as I’ve only knowingly had the virus for around ten months but from the advice I’ve had, there’s no set pattern as each of us is different and it can pretty much have a mind if it’s own in the first year. All the info you read can give a rough guide to the virus but it can vary greatly especially in the first year.
I take medication sometimes for some outbreaks and for me, acyclovir definitely helps. It certainly shortens the ob and has even stopped it in its tracks when I’ve taken it early enough so I have every faith it works. Definitely worth looking into.
Also still on the rollercoaster. It’s been one hell of a ride!
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On 6/3/2019 at 4:29 PM, tiredandlonely said:
I'm so sorry this is happening to you.
Herpes is most active in the first year, so in time, the virus should calm down and your body should learn to keep it under control.
Do you take antivirals? If not, it is something you may want to consider.
You will be able to shave down there and have sex again - it may just take some time. You say, "I have genital herpes and that's all that matters now." It's not! Please don't allow herpes to take over your life.
You are in a really frustrating position right now, because the virus is really impacting your quality of life and interfering with your sex life. So, I understand why it feels like it is taking over your life and it is the only thing that matters. But, once you figure out how to manage the virus and keep things under control, then it will go into the background. You won't think about it all the time and you may even get to the point where you forget you have it most of the time. The first year was the hardest for me. I'm 5 years in and I barely think about it anymore.
Also, if you have a shit doctor, please find another one. The doctor I was seeing when I found out I had herpes was pretty crappy also. She just didn't get it. I switched to the doctor I have now and she have felt much more understood and taken care of. Having someone you know you can turn to for guidance/help is really important.
Hi tiredandlonely. Thanks so much for your reassurance and kind words. It made me quite tearful.
I don’t know what to say. I made that post when extremely down and frustrated and I almost wish I hadn’t now. I’m having ups and downs with it.
I have taken anti virals sometimes. When I can get in to see my doctor but they’d rather I went to a sexual health clinic for treatment and come across as though she really can’t be bothered with such trivialities. It was humiliating going to my doctors in the first place for diagnosis , I don’t think I’m ready to go and tell it all to someone else again. Part of me is curious as to how my body is managing this virus and part of me just wants it to go away. ( I know that’s impossible now).
I know how this happened to me, that much is obvious but I can’t believe I was so ignorant and it’s causing me great anxiety in all aspects of my life.
I thought this ob would be horrific. It seemed to be heading that way but it wasn’t as bad as I anticipated and started healing within a few days and then I felt what appeared to be the start of another outbreak less than a week later Is that even possible? Were yours that bad to begin with?
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I forget how many now because I try to pretend this shit isn’t happening to me. Possibly 5 or 6 in 10 months.
*sighs* I shaved. I had sex. ( regular partner). I broke out. Like huge ob. Both labia. I obsessed for a few days about what I’ve read about recurrent ob’s are supposed to be unilateral after the primary and then I let it go, as who cares.sex is not for me anymore. I can do without the shit that comes with it. Was it the sex or was it the shave? Who cares, I’ll avoid both then thank you very much. I have genital Herpes and that’s all that matters now. It’s over. I’m accepting of being on my own now rather than disclose this hell to anyone living. And that’s fine. I’m just fed up of it and I have a shit doctor to boot. Fab!
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My ob’s most definitely have not conformed to the norm that I read everywhere on the internet.
My first outbreak was by far the easiest physically. one slightly uncomfortable sore that never developed a scab and even my nurse was absolutely sure it couldn’t be herpes, yet it responded immediately and disappeared Into thin air with the anti virals. I didn’t have anything else for 5 months. I even dared to believe my nurse was right. And then over Christmas, I developed a chest infection and with it came an ob that was in an entirely different location and league. It was excruciatingly painful and covered my entire right labia and took almost a month to heal. That one did scab. And it hurt me emotionally.
Since then, nearly 9 months after my primary, I’ve had an ob every month but they are much less severe than the Christmas one. One didn’t even break the surface.
I just have a feeling of something not being right down there for a day or sometimes two, I have sciatica which varies in severity with each ob and then I have a slight itch and feel that my skin is A little sore and sensitive. And up-come the blisters/ sores, dependent on location. They last about 3 days and are mildly uncomfortable. It’s almost as if the virus changes its mind now before things get really bad. Hopefully, that’s my immune system kicking in.
This latest ob is in yet another different location and as a result has caused me a little more discomfort to wee but it’s decided to leave early again ( 4 days) so I’m not complaining. Although, I wish it had bogged off 2 days ago before my other half had to go back to work!
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I think that not many answer, as all of our experiences have some similarities but they can also be very different from each others and so nobody really wants to commit to what is “ normal”.
I remember that that tingling, raw and hypersensitive feeling continued for many weeks after my first outbreak had healed and so, I think that it is entirely normal compared with my own experience. Bearing in mind, I was overly aware of any and every sensation in my genital area for a long time after diagnosis but I definitely had the prodrome sensation that you describe for a longer time back then until things settled down as it were.
Now, I get it for a couple of days before and during an ob. It’s much more defined and short lived.
Hope that helped somewhat.
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I am unsure of her full name. When I need comfort and support, I raid the internet for information in the hope of not feeling so alone.
I regularly stumble upon a site called medihelp and there is a doctor ( or a medical professional at the very least) called Grace with many years of personal and professional experience with a no- nonsense attitude. Im not for a second saying I agree, I’m just open minded.
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I agree. Wholeheartedly. If you intend being intimate with someone and you know you have an STD/STI, then disclosure is always the way forward and the right thing to do no matter how difficult. Having said that, HSV screening is not included in standard sexual health screening and consequently, a great proportion of people are asymptomatic and unaware they carry they virus. I understand why. It’s extremely common in some form or another, is mostly asymptomatic and most importantly, is not considered life threatening. Life changing for most of us affected but definitely not life threatening and therefore, not a priority.
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I so know how you feel and have been having therapy since August to try and come to terms with the “ what ifs”. Could that be an option for you? I’m in the UK too and I also can’t get my doctors to easily prescribe Acyclovir so I end up buying it when I need to. I know it’s hard. Hugs.
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😞 . I don’t have any advice, I’m new to this too. Can sympathise though if that’s any good.
11th august ‘18. My first OB and I knew it was HSV. I just knew. I had a swollen inflamed area that gradually turned into one open sore soon accompanied by a swollen gland in my groin and achy joints and fever. I’ve been with my partner 3 years but with big breaks in between. It’s complicated but he was very dishonest about his life and availability. I loved him so forgave. After our “ break” ( during which time I slept with someone else) he had a rash in his pubic area but explained it by way of his contact dermatitis. Fast forward a year, we were intimate, he developed an angry, irritated area in his nether regions and 6 days later, I developed said primary outbreak.
At the time he was accepting that he may have given it to me and I soothed him. After reading some info I sent him on HSV, and reading that it can lie dormant for years, he has now decided he would like to know who gave it to me because it wasn’t him. He works away weeks at a time so I can’t be sure of the details of his stmptoms anyways. * sighs*. Truth is, I can’t know for sure can I? Because there has been others and condoms don’t protect from it and so it’s pointless speculating. I’ve had 4 ob’s in 7 months. It would have been more without meds. My second in January was by far the worst, triggered by a chest infection. Painful and lasted almost a month. I headed the third off in February with meds and just had my fourth which was quite pleasant by comparison, slightly uncomfortable and lasted 3 days without any meds. I have yet to learn what triggers it. Sometimes I read that ob’s are diet related, sometimes that a million and one supplements might help, but I’ve also been reading another doctors work and she’s adamant that it’s all down to genetics as to how well your immune system handles the virus and any outside influences are a waste of time. I just don’t know. I’m still experimenting I suppose.
Upshot is that I’m devastated and tired of this already. . And I’m horrified I was so ignorant about hsv and am also unable to forgive myself. Why are there people walking around carrying this virus without any stmptoms and yet I get to be in physical and emotional pain with it every month? What’s so different about my immune system than most other peoples that it means this virus is kicking the shit out of me?
I don’t blame you for not disclosing to those men. I know exactly what you mean and I wouldn’t either. It’s social suicide and absolutely your mental health is more important. Just my opinion.
From my own point of view, the two main differences between HSV1 and HSV2 are that all in all, HSV1 is known statistically for fewer outbreaks and being generally less bothersome and HSV2 has a far worse stigma attached to it. So i think it’s up to the individual if it’s important what type they have.
Chin up my lovely. X
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Michgirl73,
Are your ob’s bad? Or frequent?
I ask because I’m on my fourth outbreak, I’m not taking any anti virals this time as i want to encourage my immune system to recognise and fight it on its own if it can BUT I know I feel less hopeless if I do take Acyclovir.
The emotional turmoil, the depression and anxiety is still very real and still there and by far the worst element, but being in pain/ discomfort reminding me that I have this shitty virus every second of the day makes it much much worse.
I too, am pushing people away. Because I can’t bear to tell anyone what has happened and so they can’t possibly understand why I’m so desperately unhappy. I won’t tell you to talk to anybody about it because I know for certain I never will.
Keep coming to these forums. Where you can vent and talk safely and be sad if you need to. Keep reading other peoples experiences and take some comfort that you aren’t alone. There are literally millions of people living with this. Sometimes that offers me small comfort, sometimes it doesn’t. But I hear you and I understand.
One breath at a time. One day at a time.
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JO150,
although I am always grateful of support and encouragement when I’m feeling low about this, it makes no difference if you contract it at 18 or 45. I’m in my prime sexually now. I have the confidence I never had as a youngster at last! Or I did 😞. The emotional impact will be the same. Devastating. And I certainly don’t consider myself lucky because I contracted it 20 years older than you.
yes we’re older and we have had 20 years more life experience without this affliction but on the flip side, your immune system is stronger than mine and stands a better chance of suppressing/ coping with the virus. It is hard as an older person, you feel as though you’re already losing the vibrancy and charm of your youth sometimes and something else has now been thrown in to make it even harder for some to find happiness later in life.
I’m glad you’re doing research.
That seems like the best way forward. x
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I know exactly how you are feeling and so I can’t offer you any advice as I too am feeling your despair and feel that at the grand old age of 42, I now merely exist until I’ve had enough or My time is up. Neither can I offer you any words of wisdom as I suspect I was infected only 7 months ago myself.( not very inspiring I know, but this is my reality).
What I can offer you is a listening ear and the knowledge that you are not alone by any means. There are many of us in the sane situation and I have to hope that this eventually gets better and not worse as it has been doing for the sake of my kids, although I appreciate it is early days.
I thought I had a handle on it. Even though I can’t discuss it with anybody, not even my therapist and my doctor couldn’t care less. But it creeps up... and the anxiety is all consuming once more.
You definitely are not alone. x
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Hi @Halfdyme. Thanks for commenting. The paranoia is fkn awful. I’m healing nicely but it’s still driving me nuts wondering what kind of god awful impact this is gonna have long term. I still can’t settle.
i too am always here for a chat. And am grateful for any advice. Thank you. Fancy that, I’ve found a herpes buddy! 😂😂.
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Some of you may have read stuff I’ve posted over the last few days, most probably not. Our stories are all unique, yet similar in their origin.
I, like everyone else, have had a terrible, terrible week. The fear, pain and suspicion has consumed me. I am far from high- fiving anyone at this point. But I’m ok. Ups and downs. Ins and outs, swings and roundabouts. But I remind myself that we are human and there are many, many illnesses that strike us down every day. Some worse than orhers. Maybe the fact that I lost my mother to something that Ultimately would end her life no matter what treatment, in her mid forties ( almost my age) makes me get it in perspective. Most likely she would have taken herpes and been grateful.
Thats not to say I don’t get the devastation, I do. I’m living it. Its brought me to my knees.
I know that life isn’t always candy coloured clouds and rainbow farts by now. And sometimes, we catch a shitty virus. I already showed cancer the door.
But it isn’t the end of the world. Yes. I’ve had a painful, anxious week. But there is light. Today I can walk, today the lesions are smaller, and today it doesn’t hurt so much. Know that the pain affects your ability to cope. But as soon as that pain starts to ease, which I promise you it will, that light will be there and you will feel stronger. Nothing is forever.
I have had so much appreciated advice on this forum but I took Acyclovir on day 4 and it’s got better from there. May be something. May be nothing.
My advice thus far; you think warm baths will hurt, they won’t. They will soothe. I promise. Start the day with a warm bath. It lifts your mood and makes you believe you can cope.
the fear is always worse.
much love.
Thank you for being there.
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I hear you. I know you are worrying. But this could be absolutely anything.
Swollen lymph nodes happen for many, many reasons, not just HSV.
Have you had a recent possible exposure?
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The funny thing with me is that I too did some stupid things I wish I hadn’t done, lots of things. exactly like you. I went wild after a terrible break up. But I got away with it. Every single time.
It took me until I was in a stable, committed, faithful relationship with someone who absolutely worships the ground I walk on before I paid my price.
He didn’t know he had it and made a genuine mistake and he feels terrible as much as I try and soothe him. If he ever ups and leaves, I’ll kill him 😊 but for now, he has no intentions of going anywhere so I’ll try to make him feel better.
Any one of us can get this virus and much worse. any time, anyhow, anywhere. Whether we’re being careful or not. It’s just the way the dice fall sometimes and it’s happening to people every minute of every day.
Don’t beat yourself up. This virus is doing enough of that for you at the moment. And me. And I’m not entirely sure what the future looks like either. But you gotta fight now for what’s rightfully yours. A happy life.
What do you have to lose?
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Right. I gotta get a grip. Could be just paranoia.
Ok, so I’ll get some Epsom salts tomoro along with Acyclovir cream and some lysine.
Anything I can do that’s pro active makes me feel better.
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OMG. I just scratched the very top of the back of my thigh just under the crease of my bum and there’s a few spots there. I thought it felt funny earlier.... this is awful. Really awful. I don’t think there’s much in this world that’s gonna help me now is there. This is definitely GH isn’t it.
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So, no sex, no wine, and no junk food. All while I fight pain, blisters,sores, burning, swollen glands and nausea?
what the hell kind of torture is this?
The anxiety is awful. It comes and goes in waves and I’m on the internet constantly trying to convince myself that I’ll be fine.
I shall look into lysine while I wait for this virus to get worse!
Thank you. 😊
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How will I ever be able to get my future partner pregnant?
in General herpes discussion
Posted
I love this answer. It gives me hope. ❤️