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greydaysandbrighternights

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greydaysandbrighternights last won the day on March 22

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  1. I’m in the UK 40... 😮 ..... something year old. Happy to be friendly . “ Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don’t be afraid.^
  2. I suspect I have BV, which I have read can worsen outbreaks (all the symptoms are there) and I said as much to my gp. I had swabs for bacteria and yeast, results came back that no action was needed. I’m not convinced.... the anti virals have worked well when taken episodically, I have every faith that they would work as a suppressant but I know that I would have to visit the sexual health clinic to access that kind of treatment ( I’m in the UK, and that seems to be how it works). I have no issue going there and have done so many times for contraception etc but bloody herpes...I’m not judgmental in the slightest and its not something that would bother me if someone were to confide in me that they had it. It is after all, for the most part, a common, non life threatening skin condition but it carries a terrible stigma whether we like it or not. I’m a strong person but I do have a tendency to stick my head in the sand. I guess I can’t get away with that this time as i suspect this is subconsciously bothering me more than I like to admit. I have to face the guilt, Shame and regret. Not to mention the self loathing. All normal emotions I would expect but difficult nonetheless. My stress levels are off the scale. Not much can be done about that at present so you’re right. Good treatment is the answer. I feel I should be making the effort to be more positive as I know reading positive posts on here when I was first diagnosed was a god send. I am trying I promise. Again. Thank you so much for taking the time to respond. It’s appreciated. 🙂
  3. I love your positivity. It almost makes me ashamed for letting the virus get to me so much! i can’t answer a lot of your questions but I can tell you that my first outbreak was the mildest. I did have some fever and a swollen gland in my groin but only one small blister. My second 5 months later, was MUCH worse and lasted much longer and since then, I’ve had regular ob’s that vary in severity. Some don’t even break the surface and disappear and some present with a horrible headache and slight fever again. I cant say much from experience as I’ve only knowingly had the virus for around ten months but from the advice I’ve had, there’s no set pattern as each of us is different and it can pretty much have a mind if it’s own in the first year. All the info you read can give a rough guide to the virus but it can vary greatly especially in the first year. I take medication sometimes for some outbreaks and for me, acyclovir definitely helps. It certainly shortens the ob and has even stopped it in its tracks when I’ve taken it early enough so I have every faith it works. Definitely worth looking into. Also still on the rollercoaster. It’s been one hell of a ride!
  4. Hi tiredandlonely. Thanks so much for your reassurance and kind words. It made me quite tearful. I don’t know what to say. I made that post when extremely down and frustrated and I almost wish I hadn’t now. I’m having ups and downs with it. I have taken anti virals sometimes. When I can get in to see my doctor but they’d rather I went to a sexual health clinic for treatment and come across as though she really can’t be bothered with such trivialities. It was humiliating going to my doctors in the first place for diagnosis , I don’t think I’m ready to go and tell it all to someone else again. Part of me is curious as to how my body is managing this virus and part of me just wants it to go away. ( I know that’s impossible now). I know how this happened to me, that much is obvious but I can’t believe I was so ignorant and it’s causing me great anxiety in all aspects of my life. I thought this ob would be horrific. It seemed to be heading that way but it wasn’t as bad as I anticipated and started healing within a few days and then I felt what appeared to be the start of another outbreak less than a week later Is that even possible? Were yours that bad to begin with?
  5. I forget how many now because I try to pretend this shit isn’t happening to me. Possibly 5 or 6 in 10 months. *sighs* I shaved. I had sex. ( regular partner). I broke out. Like huge ob. Both labia. I obsessed for a few days about what I’ve read about recurrent ob’s are supposed to be unilateral after the primary and then I let it go, as who cares.sex is not for me anymore. I can do without the shit that comes with it. Was it the sex or was it the shave? Who cares, I’ll avoid both then thank you very much. I have genital Herpes and that’s all that matters now. It’s over. I’m accepting of being on my own now rather than disclose this hell to anyone living. And that’s fine. I’m just fed up of it and I have a shit doctor to boot. Fab!
  6. My ob’s most definitely have not conformed to the norm that I read everywhere on the internet. My first outbreak was by far the easiest physically. one slightly uncomfortable sore that never developed a scab and even my nurse was absolutely sure it couldn’t be herpes, yet it responded immediately and disappeared Into thin air with the anti virals. I didn’t have anything else for 5 months. I even dared to believe my nurse was right. And then over Christmas, I developed a chest infection and with it came an ob that was in an entirely different location and league. It was excruciatingly painful and covered my entire right labia and took almost a month to heal. That one did scab. And it hurt me emotionally. Since then, nearly 9 months after my primary, I’ve had an ob every month but they are much less severe than the Christmas one. One didn’t even break the surface. I just have a feeling of something not being right down there for a day or sometimes two, I have sciatica which varies in severity with each ob and then I have a slight itch and feel that my skin is A little sore and sensitive. And up-come the blisters/ sores, dependent on location. They last about 3 days and are mildly uncomfortable. It’s almost as if the virus changes its mind now before things get really bad. Hopefully, that’s my immune system kicking in. This latest ob is in yet another different location and as a result has caused me a little more discomfort to wee but it’s decided to leave early again ( 4 days) so I’m not complaining. Although, I wish it had bogged off 2 days ago before my other half had to go back to work!
  7. I think that not many answer, as all of our experiences have some similarities but they can also be very different from each others and so nobody really wants to commit to what is “ normal”. I remember that that tingling, raw and hypersensitive feeling continued for many weeks after my first outbreak had healed and so, I think that it is entirely normal compared with my own experience. Bearing in mind, I was overly aware of any and every sensation in my genital area for a long time after diagnosis but I definitely had the prodrome sensation that you describe for a longer time back then until things settled down as it were. Now, I get it for a couple of days before and during an ob. It’s much more defined and short lived. Hope that helped somewhat.
  8. I am unsure of her full name. When I need comfort and support, I raid the internet for information in the hope of not feeling so alone. I regularly stumble upon a site called medihelp and there is a doctor ( or a medical professional at the very least) called Grace with many years of personal and professional experience with a no- nonsense attitude. Im not for a second saying I agree, I’m just open minded.
  9. I agree. Wholeheartedly. If you intend being intimate with someone and you know you have an STD/STI, then disclosure is always the way forward and the right thing to do no matter how difficult. Having said that, HSV screening is not included in standard sexual health screening and consequently, a great proportion of people are asymptomatic and unaware they carry they virus. I understand why. It’s extremely common in some form or another, is mostly asymptomatic and most importantly, is not considered life threatening. Life changing for most of us affected but definitely not life threatening and therefore, not a priority.
  10. I so know how you feel and have been having therapy since August to try and come to terms with the “ what ifs”. Could that be an option for you? I’m in the UK too and I also can’t get my doctors to easily prescribe Acyclovir so I end up buying it when I need to. I know it’s hard. Hugs.
  11. 😞 . I don’t have any advice, I’m new to this too. Can sympathise though if that’s any good. 11th august ‘18. My first OB and I knew it was HSV. I just knew. I had a swollen inflamed area that gradually turned into one open sore soon accompanied by a swollen gland in my groin and achy joints and fever. I’ve been with my partner 3 years but with big breaks in between. It’s complicated but he was very dishonest about his life and availability. I loved him so forgave. After our “ break” ( during which time I slept with someone else) he had a rash in his pubic area but explained it by way of his contact dermatitis. Fast forward a year, we were intimate, he developed an angry, irritated area in his nether regions and 6 days later, I developed said primary outbreak. At the time he was accepting that he may have given it to me and I soothed him. After reading some info I sent him on HSV, and reading that it can lie dormant for years, he has now decided he would like to know who gave it to me because it wasn’t him. He works away weeks at a time so I can’t be sure of the details of his stmptoms anyways. * sighs*. Truth is, I can’t know for sure can I? Because there has been others and condoms don’t protect from it and so it’s pointless speculating. I’ve had 4 ob’s in 7 months. It would have been more without meds. My second in January was by far the worst, triggered by a chest infection. Painful and lasted almost a month. I headed the third off in February with meds and just had my fourth which was quite pleasant by comparison, slightly uncomfortable and lasted 3 days without any meds. I have yet to learn what triggers it. Sometimes I read that ob’s are diet related, sometimes that a million and one supplements might help, but I’ve also been reading another doctors work and she’s adamant that it’s all down to genetics as to how well your immune system handles the virus and any outside influences are a waste of time. I just don’t know. I’m still experimenting I suppose. Upshot is that I’m devastated and tired of this already. . And I’m horrified I was so ignorant about hsv and am also unable to forgive myself. Why are there people walking around carrying this virus without any stmptoms and yet I get to be in physical and emotional pain with it every month? What’s so different about my immune system than most other peoples that it means this virus is kicking the shit out of me? I don’t blame you for not disclosing to those men. I know exactly what you mean and I wouldn’t either. It’s social suicide and absolutely your mental health is more important. Just my opinion. From my own point of view, the two main differences between HSV1 and HSV2 are that all in all, HSV1 is known statistically for fewer outbreaks and being generally less bothersome and HSV2 has a far worse stigma attached to it. So i think it’s up to the individual if it’s important what type they have. Chin up my lovely. X
  12. Michgirl73, Are your ob’s bad? Or frequent? I ask because I’m on my fourth outbreak, I’m not taking any anti virals this time as i want to encourage my immune system to recognise and fight it on its own if it can BUT I know I feel less hopeless if I do take Acyclovir. The emotional turmoil, the depression and anxiety is still very real and still there and by far the worst element, but being in pain/ discomfort reminding me that I have this shitty virus every second of the day makes it much much worse. I too, am pushing people away. Because I can’t bear to tell anyone what has happened and so they can’t possibly understand why I’m so desperately unhappy. I won’t tell you to talk to anybody about it because I know for certain I never will. Keep coming to these forums. Where you can vent and talk safely and be sad if you need to. Keep reading other peoples experiences and take some comfort that you aren’t alone. There are literally millions of people living with this. Sometimes that offers me small comfort, sometimes it doesn’t. But I hear you and I understand. One breath at a time. One day at a time.
  13. JO150, although I am always grateful of support and encouragement when I’m feeling low about this, it makes no difference if you contract it at 18 or 45. I’m in my prime sexually now. I have the confidence I never had as a youngster at last! Or I did 😞. The emotional impact will be the same. Devastating. And I certainly don’t consider myself lucky because I contracted it 20 years older than you. yes we’re older and we have had 20 years more life experience without this affliction but on the flip side, your immune system is stronger than mine and stands a better chance of suppressing/ coping with the virus. It is hard as an older person, you feel as though you’re already losing the vibrancy and charm of your youth sometimes and something else has now been thrown in to make it even harder for some to find happiness later in life. I’m glad you’re doing research. That seems like the best way forward. x
  14. I know exactly how you are feeling and so I can’t offer you any advice as I too am feeling your despair and feel that at the grand old age of 42, I now merely exist until I’ve had enough or My time is up. Neither can I offer you any words of wisdom as I suspect I was infected only 7 months ago myself.( not very inspiring I know, but this is my reality). What I can offer you is a listening ear and the knowledge that you are not alone by any means. There are many of us in the sane situation and I have to hope that this eventually gets better and not worse as it has been doing for the sake of my kids, although I appreciate it is early days. I thought I had a handle on it. Even though I can’t discuss it with anybody, not even my therapist and my doctor couldn’t care less. But it creeps up... and the anxiety is all consuming once more. You definitely are not alone. x
  15. Hi @Halfdyme. Thanks for commenting. The paranoia is fkn awful. I’m healing nicely but it’s still driving me nuts wondering what kind of god awful impact this is gonna have long term. I still can’t settle. i too am always here for a chat. And am grateful for any advice. Thank you. Fancy that, I’ve found a herpes buddy! 😂😂.
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