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greydaysandbrighternights

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greydaysandbrighternights last won the day on March 22 2019

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  1. I too have been in the mindset of not wanting to even try to bother dating. And I’m nowhere near self acceptance either. But somehow, it’s found me anyways. Someone lovely has shown up out of the blue and I’m having a wobble about it all and struggling with the reality of my situation. But I’ve had some great advice on this forum. I’ve allowed my diagnosis to control my life for 2 years and the only way to take that control back is to be brave, strong and move forward with my life. If I don’t do it now, I fear I never will.
  2. thank you. I so appreciate you taking the time to reply. It means a great deal and I’ve saved it for future reassurance.
  3. I have a typical story to tell. I’m a woman in my early 40’s, caught HSV2 in August 2018. I’m so tired of how this virus is affecting my life but I accept responsibility for my own naivety. I hold no judgment toward anyone. It is after all, a very common condition but, accept that I will always be judged for my diagnosis. Always. I’ve only ever disclosed to my daughter and after going away to think about it, her reaction was terrible and cruel. And I was shocked when she told me that she felt people with STDs were irresponsible and deserved it. I’ve lost interest in every aspect of living for two years. It’s been awful. And one hell of a rocky road. And I came to accept that I would probably be alone for the rest of my life rather than tell anyone about this... but now I’ve met someone. Someone true and lovely. And I’m just really interested in him. Much older. Much wiser. I know I’ll have to tell him soon. That I have a lifelong sexually transmitted disease ... oh my heart. I thought it would be ok. Even though I’ve tolerated the outbreaks, you know what? The outbreaks aren’t even a problem. It’s the constant feeling of shame and regret. I’ve been on suppressive antivirals for about 3 weeks. I feel totally nauseous at times and I’m sweating constantly but my vagina feels the most normal that it has in two years. So, I should be happy, right? Despite the side effects, it’s worth it? I don’t know. Because like most people, I’ve scoured the internet for information on keeping a sexual partner protected. And from what I’ve read, even if I’m super aware of my symptoms and abstain from sex during outbreaks, even if I continue to take a drug that makes me absolutely sick and not be able to eat, every 12 hours forever, even if we have to use condoms and lose the spontaneity and intimacy that is afforded to others not afflicted with this disease, even if I pour my heart out and tell someone who I can never know can be trusted with my vulnerability, and by some miracle, he accepts the risk, I cannot keep him safe from it. At all. I read today “ in discordant relationships, where one partner has HSV2 and one doesn’t, at some point the negative partner will ultimately catch the virus.” I can’t live with doing that to another person. What’s the point in even trying if I’m going to infect someone I love with something incurable despite all of my best efforts? And now I have to make up some imaginary excuse to walk away from him without him thinking it’s his fault. Life is truly unfair sometimes.
  4. That should have read first disclosure.
  5. That’s so good to know. I’ve had HSV2 for nearly 2 years and have battled awful depression because of it. I was finally coming to accept it as part of me and find some peace but now, out of the blue, I’ve met someone really wonderful. Due to Coronavirus,we’ve spent months getting to know each other but it also means that I haven’t had the opportunity to decide when and if I should disclose. ( I say if because we may well not even get on in person). But the longer this goes on, the more I feel as though I’m lying to him. But this is a huge deal for me. It’ll be my disclosure and involved in my own mental battle here. I’ve Just started suppressive anti virals but despite the transmission percentages, risk still exists and I just don’t know if I can do that to him even if by some miracle he does accept me. And so into that dark depression I go once more. I’m bloody terrified. but it is good to know that it works out for some people.
  6. Ok, this isn’t an easy one to answer. If you insisted he use a condom but he didn’t, then yes I can understand you feel violated.. what you choose to do about it now is up to you but there is no way of knowing you contracted it from him unless you have an HSV blood test now that can possibly determine a new infection but even then, you said there has been others. HSV can lie undetected ( dormant) for weeks, months or even years. A partner could have given it to you years ago and only now has it chosen to activate. A blood test can sometimes be a clear indicator of a new or old infection. I can understand it’s difficult for you both. It’s normal for your boyfriend and you to feel regretful and angry whilst you cone to terms with the diagnosis. But if you both went for the HSV blood test, you could find out where you both stand and whether your partner is already infected or not. If not, then there are medications and easy steps to prevent passing it to him, if he tests positive as you have, then things become a little easier. It is not a death sentence. Many of us actually do live our bests lives with this virus. It’s a virus, it’s not a disease.it isn’t the end of the world even if it sometimes feels like it and trust me when I say I’ve had my days!
  7. Hi, akirn. it’s just a case of finding a good doctor with reasonable knowledge of HSV in the U.K. I think. They do exist, you just have to find one. honestly, judging by social media, I think the stigma is the same here as the U.S. but then I’ve not been brave enough to disclose to anyone to give you my personal experience. But I hope it goes well for you in your relationship. Be strong. x
  8. Also, hot baths with salt ( table/sea) eases pain and itching. And I swear by Sudocreme straight from the fridge when I have a sore/sores. xx
  9. Hi SAS1991, firstly, you will be ok. You need time to come to terms with your new situation, and that in itself can take a bit of time. Be kind to yourself and know that you are not alone. I’ve had HSV for nearly two years and as I write this, I’m in the middle of my second OB in two months. ( I’m under a bit of stress atm). I’m in the U.K. too and your initial outbreak sounds identical to mine. One sore, fever, swollen nodes in my groin, but the irritation and discomfort was much more widespread and took a good few weeks to settle completely after the OB. I too used vagisil a lot in those early days. The itching is, in my experience, very common after an OB has healed. it’s impossible to say how the virus will affect you as no two people react the same to it and it can and does have a mind of it’s own sometimes. Time will tell how your body handles it. It’s completely normal to be paranoid about sex causing another OB ( as was I) but a good tip is lots of lube as friction and irritation are known to trigger outbreaks, especially in those early days. Lube,lube and lots of lube. If you get many or particularly troublesome OB’s and symptoms, you can discuss taking acyclovir as a preventative measure with your GP or SH clinic and see how you go. xx
  10. I wish I had the answer but I don’t. The same thing is happening to me. I’m on my 3rd OB in a month and It’s very frustrating not to mention painful. I honestly don’t think that there’s a straightforward answer. I’m starting to believe that It’s all down to genetics as to how we handle a virus that has a mind if it’s own!
  11. Mine are always different. First OB was mild. One sore with flu like symptoms and swollen node that just faded away within a week. No scabs. Second was terrible. No feeling of illness but mass of sores that scabbed in a different area and took weeks and weeks to heal. I’ve had several since then and all have been relatively small outbreaks and all in the genital area but a different location. Sometimes the inner labia is affected, sometimes the outer labia and it changes sides at will. This OB after my first 18mnths ago, is quite severe and probably the most painful yet with a general feeling of illness and a swollen node again. But in fairness, Ive never been so stressed as I am now. I don’t think my OB’s are ever gonna follow the norm by the looks of it.
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