sunshinestategirl

Hi guys! Lemme start off by saying I’m thankful for this site, I didn’t believe there were as many people that had this in common with me, and I admire each and every persons story that has to deal with this. Anyways, I’ve had H since 2016. I was diagnosed on my 19th Birthday (Happy Birthday to me right?). When I found out I felt like my life was over, right when I was actually starting to live it. I was gifted by a partner I had been back and forth with for over a year, and when I moved to his city, one night something seemed off when we had sex, I had a gut feeling, I looked at the dresser and thought “use it” but I didn’t, and now I’m here. Long story short, it’s taken me a while to come to terms with this. I was in denial for a long time, thinking maybe it would just go away, then I’d have an OB and sink into a dark pit of depression again. I’m 21 now, and I’m just now starting to feel like myself again, especially since I’m having less OB. Well, I recently met this new guy, he’s 13 years my senior though. (34). We hit it off great, hung out a few times at his place, and he doesn’t make me feel like there’s a big age difference.. I haven’t felt like this about someone in a while.. especially with my condition affecting the way I viewed relationships with people for a LONG time. But there’s something that’s so genuine about him to me. Anyway, I let him know off rip that this wasn’t about just sex for me, I want to build slow and see where it goes. So the first couple nights things went smooth. He was respectful and we just talked mostly. Watched movies. Fooled around a little. Well last night, things got heated, and we had sex, protected, it didn’t last more than a minute. But I didn’t get a chance to disclose yet and I was in the moment. Well when I left, I was so weighed down by guilt, I had to say soemerhing. I haven’t disclosed to everyone I’ve been intimate with. Something I’ll always regret. But I’ve gotten to a place in my life where I just want to live in my truth. So I broke down and told him when I got home. I sent a long text message letting him know I was sorry for taking away the choice from him like what was done to me, and he wasn’t mad at all. He called me the next morning even and talked to me about it. He seemed very accepting of me, told me that he appreciates the honesty, and basically told me that the ball was in my court for how I wanted to pursue this relationship, and he promised he wouldn’t ever tell anybody. (My town is small) So I hang up, cry tears of joy because I’m relieved.. and go about my day.Well usually he texts me all throughout the day, I didn’t receive not one text. And he seemed short of words when I texted him first. He even said he was going to bed at 9.. which is the earliest I’ve ever heard of him going to bed. Usually he carries good conversation so I guess my question is, how do you deal with rejection? Because I feel like that’s what it may come to, and I don’t know how I’ll take it if he changes his mind and decides not to pursue a relationship with me anymore. Am I overthinking it for it only being one day? This is why I don’t date out of my range because I have no clue how to analyze how an older man may feel about this situation. He seemed very knowledgeable of the situation when I told him, and now I’m completely confused. What do I do?