Riseandfall

I've has ghsv1 for 2 and a half years now. I'm lucky..I met a wonderful guy shortly after my diagnosis, he was brilliant about it (we started out as friends) and were still together now. But I can't move on. Ghsv1 has no impact on me at all physically. Despite the fact that I have a chronic medical condition and take immune suppressants... but it does mentally. I know it does to lots of us. But I can't control the waves of sadness I feel. I can't get over the sense of mourning something lost. I think the biggest thing I feel is pure shame. Maybe its not justified. But its how I feel and I need to vent to cope. I'm so ashamed of myself for how I dealt with my break up...for becoming so weak...for not valuing myself enough.. for seeking refuge and support in another man who would break me just as badly in a different way. We dated and he got pushy with me...my gut told me straight away that something wasn't right so I said I wasn't comfortable having set. He got pushy and tried to go down on me and I pushed him away and he told me to just 'relax. I'm tormented by it. Why didn't I learn my lesson after my terrible break up and give myself more time to heal rather than running for help while I was still vulnerable. Why didn't I take notice of the red flags. I feel broken now and so embarrassed and regretful. I'm a good person, well educated, have a good job, have a medical condition. Why didn't I know better. Why didn't I protect myself more from hurt. I don't know how anyone can help. I just keep myself awake at night with all these feelings of shame and don't know how to move on from them. I don't think ill ever get over how small this makes me feel and the weight of carrying around this secret feels heavy all the time.

I wonder why! Cant see any way to change it! I'll keep trying..in the meantime its nice to hear that I'm not alone in how I've been feeling. Let's hope time heals xx

Does it work now?

Yes I cant see how to do it at all! No 3 lines coming up! Will check my settings!! Not having much luck at the moment!!

Thank you. I would like that but I dont know how to message. Could you let me know how to do it?

Hey Just wondered if anyone else has struggled with looking back at the past, over analysing, doing lots of self reflection since their diagnosis? I was diagnosed 2 years ago but still struggle with this. I've never had casual sex, but I've definitely fallen for people quickly and let them in, believing they wanted something serious or more, only to realise they weren't in it for the long haul. I've spent a lot of time alone, a lot of plans haven't worked out and I realise now that I definitely sought comfort and companionship in a relationship. I never looked back and analysed things until my diagnosis. I know in some ways it's a positive because having to do that made me realise that I'd not valued myself enough before...and now I will. On some occasions I should have set boundaries or been more careful, or even stood a bit firmer. I feel more able to do that now. But, the process of reflection, self criticism, assessment, guilt regret etc is zapping away all my energy now. I feel like it's gone beyond a healthy reassessment and now I sometimes just feel like I dont deserve to be happy and that this diagnosis is some kind of punishment for falling too easily, for being too trusting and too naive on occasion. (Side note..I got this from a guy who was really pushy with me. We didnt have sex because I said I didn't want to repeatedly but he forced my head back told me to relax and went down on me for a matter of seconds before I pushed him away. I struggle with this memory a lot) I guess I just want to forget my mistakes and move on but this just feels like a constant reminder that comes back to haunt me when I get low. I constantly look back wishing I could change the past but it weighs heavy and I know I cant go on like it. Not sure what I'm hoping for. Just needed to explain how I feel because I cant talk to anyone about this. Wonder if anyone feels or has felt similarly?

So glad to know I'm not the only one!! And great to hear that you seem to be doing better now. Did you use any cream to improve things or did it happen naturally? I haven't seen my partner in a while now so havent been able to test it but will keep you posted. Fingers crossed

I'm the same I take surpressive when I see my partner for caution. I think the skin is just a bit more delicate than it was. I think its easy for us to put it down to an outbreak but there may be other things going on as a result of previous outbreaks maybe. One doctor I saw said treat it like any other skin and nourish it and moisturise it. No worries I've had hard time with it and its taken me long time to get somewhere so wanted to help out!! Definitsly give the magic cream a go. I've seen lots of people say its great for thin skin and some people seem to use it as lube too? Good luck fingers crossed xx

Another thing that helps me is putting coconut oil on down there before and after intimacy. When I've done this religiously I've been better. When I've forgotten to use as much..I've torn. Its something else that's natural but could be worth a go!

No problem. Its something I've posted about a few times. Seems like something a few of us struggle with. Its interesting because I always worried it was an outbreak, the last tear I had took a really long time to heal (2 months!) but every doctor has said it's not and it's a tear in a common place to get them. The first doctor I saw gave me steroid cream which did clear the tear, but when it happened again and worse and I had to go back, the doctor gave me diprobase (the emmolient) as she said that steroid creams thin the skin so that was counter productive. Something else she mentioned was that it could be related to thrush but she has promised to keep an eye on it for me and said that she won't let it keep happening so if it does she will send me to a specialist. One thing I would say is if it keeps happening, go to the doctors, get it swabbed. That way you can rule out hsv1 if it's not that. Then, press the doctor to help you! Don't let just 1 doctors opinion (especially if they didnt swab the cut) not let you find a treatment for something else that may be going on or could be solved. Before I forget.. someone on here recommended was medicine mamas v magic. She said that she also kept getting tears and she used this on the area of skin and it strengthened it up. She said it's not happening anymore. It's an all natural cream so worth a shot? I think it's an American brand but I managed to get it on amazon! Its expensive but has some great reviews so I'm giving it a go. Let us know how you get on. Fingers are crossed for you

This happens to me too. It's very upsetting. I've had lots of tears at the opening of my vagina (the posterior fourchette?) I've been to the doctors 3 times about them and have always been told they are not outbreaks (which was my main concern) but tears. Did you have the tear swabbed? I'd make 100% sure it is an outbreak before you panic too much. I've been given some emollient to use to strengthen the skin down there. I haven't seen my partner since I've been using it so I'm not sure if it works but I'm nervous. I feel like as soon as I get to see him it gets ruined. I never ever used to tear before my ghsv1 diagnosis so I'm really baffled. I did email the uk helpline and they said it didnt sound like an outbreak and that some women report damaged skin following a diagnosis. It may just be a case of using a lot more lube and strengthening the skin down there if possible. Vitamin e is meant to be helpful too. And coconut oil after sex?

Medicine mamas v magic! What is an SSRI?

Thanks for replying. Is painful when it happens. Never ever happened prior to diagnosis. Am glad to hear its hopefully not to do with the h. Doctors have given me emollients so am hoping liberal use of this builds the skin up and strengthens it up. Maybe it's just because I'm not as much at ease being intimate nown than I used to be? We are using lots of lube etc. Any other tips would be useful!

Has anyone else experienced this after being intimate following an h diagnosis? I have ghsv1 and struggle with this. Just wondered if anyone else has this. Any idea if the tears are outbreaks? Docs dont seem to think so. Is this a known side effect of h? How did you manage it?

Hey @Jasmine10just to let you know I got some of the cream. Not sure how it's working at the moment. Cut has healed after weeks and am just hoping the skin is strengthening so that when I see my partner this doesmt happen again. Could I ask how regularly you use the cream? And do you get tears at the vaginal entrance anymore? I'm still confused about whether it's a symptom of h or not. I definitely never had it happen before. I dont know if the hsv1 has changed the skin or I'm just more nervous and on edge when I am intimate now! Any help appreciated.